Palo Alto Page #4

It's like, think of all the people that

f***ing died from eating mushrooms

before they discovered

the psychedelic ones.

Like, think about all the people that,

like, just ate mushrooms

until they found the one

that gets you all f***ed up.

Hey, man, let's just try this mushroom.

See if it gets...

This is f***ing

cow sh*t all over it.

What're you saying?

Isn't it cow sh*t that makes

you high from the mushroom?

Hey, you got anything

going on later?

You wanna go do something?

TEDDY:
Can't.

Gotta finish this off.

Get it.

FRED:

What do you mean?

This is the one

day I can't, man.

Sorry.

What am I supposed to do?

I don't know.

Dude, I don't even wanna

hang out with you.

You're boring as sh*t.

All you do is f***ing

work and...

F*** that sh*t.

(SIGHS)

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

All right.

Step one for doing homework

is turning off your phone.

Fine.

Okay.

Now, it's simple.

The way to write a good

history paper is to

choose your event and then

just explain why it happened.

History is just explaining

why things happened.

But what if I don't think there's

a reason for something happening?

Well, then you need

to think harder.

Yeah, but I do things all

the time for no reason.

Mmm-hmm.

It's because you're young.

And you don't know why you do

things but there's always a reason.

No?

Mmm-mmm.

I mean, if you wanted to, couldn't you just

say that the reason everything's happened

is because of one thing that happened at

the very, very, very beginning of time.

Mmm-hmm. If you wanted

to be a smart-ass.

Sorry.

That's okay.

I really like you.

I really like you.

Yeah, but

I'm older and I know that

there aren't a lot

of good things around

and I know that

you are really good.

(ANIMAL GRUNTING)

(MONKEYS SHRIEKING)

(MONKEYS SHRIEKING)

JANICE:
Okay, Teddy.

So.

Are you high?

No.

I don't smoke anymore.

You can test me.

You drew a penis

on the runaway bunny.

That was Fred.

I didn't draw that.

You had friends

coming to visit you

while you were doing community

service at the children's library?

No one came.

It was me.

I... But I will

pay for it

and I know it was stupid... Oh, yeah.

You are going to pay for the book.

But you're not gonna do

your hours there anymore.

They really like me there and...

No, they don't like you.

They don't like you one bit.

You're lazy and you carved

"ape" in the bench outside.

It was "April."

Why would you carve "April"?

I don't know.

What kind of jerk defaces

a children's library?

I mean, come on!

People are counting on you.

Your parents are

counting on you.

Your little sister is counting on you.

What kind of example are you?

What goes through your mind when you do it?

Or do you not think at all?

I'm gonna put myself

on the line, okay?

I could lose my job.

If you don't start thinking

about what you're doing

you're gonna land yourself

right in juvenile hall.

And who's this kid Fred?

Why was he visiting

you at the library?

Why do you wanna hang around

with people like that?

That guy sounds like a loser.

Hey, Fred!

Hey, buddy, you looking

for Fred? He's not here.

Can I come in for a second?

Yeah, sure, you can come in.

You okay?

Yeah.

What's... What's going on?

You want something to eat, drink?

No. Thanks, I'm fine.

Had a pretty big

dinner last night.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, I mean tonight.

(CHUCKLING)

Last night.

What did you have?

Pasta.

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah.

I'm a little, uh...

You smell that?

Oh, yeah.

I'm a little high.

I noticed that.

Yeah?

It's cool, man.

You wanna partake?

Sure. Yeah. Really?

Just do me a favor,

though. Don't...

Let's keep it between us.

Oh, for sure. Okay.

It's pretty strong, so go easy.

I like your hair like that.

My hair?

Thanks, man.

Ah.

Ooh!

Let me sit next to you.

One second.

Feel like I'm so far

away over here.

Oh, God.

I love this couch.

Yeah, it's cool.

Isn't it comfortable?

Mmm-hmm.

It's my grandfather's

couch, this couch.

Yeah?

Bounce on it.

(LAUGHING)

Seriously. Just...

Just bounce on it.

You want me to...

I don't even know how

to answer that like...

Just bounce on it.

Just do it.

Just do it.

Do it once.

All right.

My God.

I didn't know

you had an earring.

I love it.

I love that on you. Yeah?

I did it myself.

Really?

You're stoned, aren't you?

I love this hair.

I love it...

All right, all right.

What?

What?

Just...

Just touching my hair.

Nothing. You were just touching my hair.

It's funny.

What's funny about it?

Nothing. Relax, man.

It's cool.

What?

Have you ever smoked with Fred?

All right, dude.

I should probably get going, man.

Yeah, I just... Thanks for everything,

dude, I'll see you around.

Are you too high or...

No, I'm good, dude.

Thanks.

All right. Uh...

All right.

You okay to drive?

Yeah, I am.

(DOOR OPENS)

All right, buddy.

(DOOR CLOSES)

TEDDY:
I think your dad

tried to come onto me.

FRED:
(SCOFFS)

My dad's not gay, Teddy.

TEDDY:
Okay.

FRED:
It's kind of one of those

moments we're gonna remember forever.

Me and you.

You ready?

Mmm-hmm.

Dude, could I try first?

You f***ing kidding me?

We'll switch off half way or something.

Fine. Go on.

All right.

Dude, you're holding it way too

f***ing low. No, no, no. Chill.

I got it. No. Give me the f***ing thing.

You're gonna...

Stop. It'll cut your leg off.

Be careful, dude.

Let me try.

Dude, it was my idea in the first...

I'll give it you... Okay.

Just f***ing give it to me. Stop.

Okay.

Okay, I'm excited.

All right, let's do this, dude.

Let's cut this b*tch down.

Come on.

This f***ing tree

needs to die tonight.

(CHAINSAW SPUTTERING)

Oh, yeah.

(CHAINSAW STARTS)

(LAUGHING)

FRED:
Whoo!

TEDDY:
Yes.

I can't wait to come

see your band play.

I know. We're good.

There's only three of us.

(INDISTINCT TALKING)

Hello.

Drew your picture.

Oh!

Oh!

That's...

That's nice.

Very nice.

(BUBBLING)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

I'll get it.

Hi.

Hi.

When I do this...

Does it make me look Chinese?

(CHUCKLES)

We're going to play

in the garden?

Nice.

FRED:
Teddy was always

gone doing work

or probation or whatever

you call that baloney.

We talked on the phone a few times.

Emily didn't have any friends.

I didn't talk long.

The only person she knew was me.

Just enough to make

her feel comfortable.

One afternoon we went

to Jason King's house.

She didn't talk much.

Jason's parents were gone.

Sodas and vodka and smoking pot.

I was a nice guy.

I'm a nice guy to everyone.

I got her into Jason's parents'

bed and got her naked.

The guys lined up

outside the bedroom.

Big brown house.

We went in

two or three at a time.

Everyone f***ed her.

We ran around the house to...

I kept going back

in with everyone...

She gave me a blowj*b.

I had my clothes on when

I ushered people in.

She said she did.

I was a wild monkey.

Then I left.

Tell me you love me.

(ZIPPER UNZIPPING)

TEDDY:
Hey.

Hey.

What's up?

Nothing.

How're you doing?

I'm fine. How are you?

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