Paper Man Page #2

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find out

- Huh.

- ls it sleeping, the baby?

- The thing about that baby is

are you thirsty?

- Um, no.

- Oh, look.

The baby is not here.

- What do you mean?

- Basically, l guess,

there is no baby...

as such.

- There's no kid?

- Nope.

- Well, sh*t

Then this will be easy.

So when do you think

you'II be home?

- Oh, 9:
00, 9:30.

- Okay, l got a lot of homework.

So have fun.

[toy squeaks]

- Okay.

- Only when the good

is unattainabIe

Do l start to feel like

I'm Iosing myseIf

And this deep secret

that hasn't come out yet

- Chickenshit

- ls buried down deep

With the rest

l can't coerce you

into this one

Jealousy lay all

your spells to bed

l'll choose unloved instead

- "'Self-loathing

is an underrated form

"'of psychological checks

and baIances:

"'never too high,

never too Iow,'

"thought Merton to himself

as he gazed into the rapidly

reddening bathwater."

Jesus.

- Lay all your spells

to bed

l'll choose unloved instead

[waves crashing]

- Don't say it

- Say what?

- l know what you're thinking.

- No, you don't

l was thinking about pantaloons.

[water running]

- What are you doing?

- You ass!

How did you get in here?

- The door was open,

which is extremely unsafe,

by the way.

- You don't need to keep

checking up on me.

- lsn't this the guy you said

was following you?

Who does that?

- You do.

lt's just babysitting.

- Where's the kid?

- He doesn't have a kid.

- Abby, this guy is a perv.

We got to get out of here now.

- Okay, he's a famous writer,

okay?

Get a life.

- You are my life.

[water running]

You've got a problem with men.

- No, I have got

a problem with you.

- What about Bryce?

- What about him?

- He treats you like sh*t

- When?

- Always.

- No.

- Yes.

- Shut up.

- Oh, you are not

- l'm not what?

- What are you doing?

- Making soup.

- You've known this stalker guy

five minutes.

You're already making him soup?

- l told you, Christopher.

He is a writer.

- l love you.

- [sighs]

- What are you doing out here?

- l told her 9:
00, 9:30.

- No, l mean what are you doing

out here with the girI?

- Nothing.

- That doesn't strike you

as odd somehow?

A babysitter?

- l'm under a lot of pressure,

okay, to produce.

People expect literature:

the doctor, my publisher.

l've got three months,

three months to crack

this thing.

- And the girl helps how?

- Was l popular in high school,

in retrospect?

- And the girl helps how?

- Do you have to question

every decision I make?

- Make better decisions.

- Just do the voice.

- Oh.

Oh, now he needs me.

- At this juncture, yes.

- Juncture?

- Yes.

- Oh.

- Yes, just do it

[triumphant music]

- [booming voice]

When the world is in peril,

when evil surrounds you,

when danger is lurking,

who do you call?

[horns trumpeting]

Captain Excellent!

- l'm bolstered!

[hooting and chittering sounds]

There's something out there

in the woods.

- Oh, my God.

The wolf.

Didn't you hear?

lt escaped from the zoo

this morning.

- There's a zoo here?

- [laughs]

No, l'm just

[groans]

WeII, whatever it is,

l won't let it get you.

Come on, there's soup.

- What?

- Yeah, l made soup.

l thought that you might

be cold.

What did you do tonight?

- l went to the shore,

did some thinking.

- Oh, for three hours

in the freezing cold?

- You made this?

- Yeah.

- How?

- l don't know.

A couple of carrots,

an onion, one of your beers.

Oh, l hope that's okay.

l just kind of helped myself.

- No, it's fantastic.

- Oh, well, you haven't even

tasted it yet

- No, no, no, l mean,

the fact of it is fantastic,

that you made something

from nothing.

- Oh, you can, you know,

kind of make soup

out of anything.

That's the great thing about it

Just whatever's Ieft

laying around, you know.

You can take all the crap

that's rotting in your fridge

and throw out,

or you could toss it into a pot

and make soup out of it

So l go with soup.

- [slurping]

Oh.

lt's superb.

- Thank you.

- No, really.

lt's excellent

- Do you remember the moment

when you reaIized

that soup didn't have

to come out of a can,

you know, like all manufactured,

that your chicken noodle

couId kick

Campbell's chicken noodle's ass

any day of the week?

- I think I'm having

that moment right now.

- [chuckles]

Plus, it's very nutritious,

which is good.

- Whatwhat happened there?

- Oh.

Sorry.

It's just

it's a boyfriend thing.

Just, um,

the bird kind of reminded me

of him.

He's chickenshit

- Oh.

Actually, it's not a chicken.

lt's the North American

heath hen.

Related to the greater

prairie chicken,

but not technically a chicken.

- Oh.

- lt's extinct now.

The last few lived out here

out on the nature preserve

at Camp Hero.

- Hmm.

l did not know that

- l'm not a birder or anything.

lt's just, the last surviving

heath hen

is a character in...

- ln what?

- That bird's just

it's the main character of this

book that,

you know, l'm attempting

to produce, to write,

finish.

Actually, to start.

Saying it out loud just sounded

kind of stupid.

-Well, there's Chicken Little,

you know, and Little Red Hen.

- Henny Penny.

- Yeah, exactly.

Exactly.

Oh, you know, there's a lot

of books out there

about poultry.

[laughter]

- We should settle up.

- Okay.

- ls that about right?

- Actually, l'm $12 an hour.

- Oh, okay.

l only have a $10.

Do you have change?

- Let me check.

- So how come your boyfriend's

a chickenshit?

None of my business.

Sorry.

- No, he just

He just bugs.

You know, it's like when he's

with me, it's all,

"Oh, you know."

And when he's with his friends,

he's all, "Ugh, whatever."

lt's justyou know,

he's a f***ing chickenshit

- Right

- Okay, so thank you.

- Mmm-hmm.

Thank you.

Can l ask you a quick question?

- Sure.

- Does this couch

make me look fat?

- l wouldn't sit there.

- Hmm.

- So okay.

Good luck with the chicken book.

- Same time next week?

- Um...

Okay.

- You didn't tell me your name.

[door creaking]

- Richard?

Richard.

- Are we separated?

- What?

- ls this a trial separation,

what we're doing?

- What makes you think that?

- l don't know.

Our separateness.

- Sweetie,

if we were separating,

you'd be the first to know.

- l guess.

- Well, we would have

discussed it

Trust me.

- Okay.

Whew, good.

lt just moved.

- Well, that's not possible.

lt's been boiled to death.

- Poor little Louie.

- Well, don't name it, Richard.

l mean, do whatever you want

No, don't

don't name your food.

Here.

[shell cracking]

- Oh.

[shell cracking]

- There.

Okay?

Hmm?

There you go.

Hmm?

- lf only everything

in the world

could be covered in butter.

What a world that would be.

- l guess.

- What a buttery world.

[birds cawing]

- He any good?

- l don't know.

lt's kind of wordy.

- So what does

the renderer render?

- l haven't gotten

to that part yet

- Well, let me know.

l'm sure it's something

briIIiant

- What were you doing

in my gym class?

- Nothing.

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