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1

- Yeah, maybe.

- Cool, maybe I

can like, call you.

- Yeah.

- Cool.

- Yeah, you should do that.

Okay, here's a pen.

I can't remember the

last time I did this.

Here we go.

This feels very 1993 right now.

- I can't remember the

last time I saw somebody

use paper to write something.

- That's actually

my pager number.

- Oh yeah, 'cause it's

the '90s. Yeah, I got ya.

- It's green, you can

see the inside of it.

- And then I'll call you on

one of those gigantic phones

with the really long cord

that you have to like walk in

and out of your kitchen on.

- Anyway...

Well, have a good

day. See you around.

- Bye.

Oh, we can watch Spin City.

'Cause that's, you

know, still on the air.

Oh my god.

- Did that girl just

give you her number?

- Yeah.

- Is there something

wrong with her?

- What? No.

I don't think so.

- Huh.

(door opening)

- Hey, a**hole, there's

nothing wrong with her.

She's well-adjusted,

smart, and confident

and that's why she likes me.

- Okay.

- Man you are really

killing the vibe here.

I had like five seconds of

actual happiness. Thank you.

- You don't think

that was weird,

what happened out there?

- No. Stranger things have...

Okay, it was a little weird.

But maybe that means this

one is different, you know.

Like you always see

those old couples,

they've been together

for like 60 years

and you're like, "How

did this happen,"

because the woman is

this sweet little thing

who you know was just

smoking hot in her prime

and the guy is this like fat

idiot with this ugly mug,

he's not even charming

or anything. You know?

- So that's what

you think this is,

the beginning of a long lifetime

of misery for that poor girl?

- It's called love.

- Sign me up.

(rock music)

- Are you gonna rush?

- I think so.

- Cool, me too.

- Who do we have on Monday?

- Tom.

- I couldn't find the book

in any of the bookstores.

- Yeah, you can

only find it online.

- Okay, um, is it still

covered by financial aid?

- Yeah, you'll be fine here.

Books are covered

by financial aid

if they're on the syllabus.

- Oh, okay, thanks.

See you Monday.

- See you Monday.

Look at this guy!

- You have students,

that's crazy.

- Yeah, it's just so surreal

to be back here, you know?

- Not really, no.

- Oh, right.

Oh, how was your

big camping trip?

Your-- what do you call

it-- your soul journey?

- Oh yeah, yeah.

- How was it?

- Pretty good, I guess.

- Oh.

Did you finish your book?

- It's almost there.

- That's great. I can't

wait to read it man.

You know, I'm actually starting

to work on another too.

- Oh, cool.

- But uh, let's get out of

here. Wanna grab a beer?

- No, let's go do something else

'cause there's a million

things to do in the city.

- Yeah, let's go

play a quick nine.

(murmuring)

- Wow, exactly the same.

- Hey Rob.

- Hey Carl.

This is my best friend Jason.

We used to come here

all the time in college.

He just moved back to teach.

- Great, what do you want?

- Oh, just a bourbon

I guess, with ice.

Nice guy.

- So uh, how is it being back?

- It's pretty wild.

- Yeah?

- Right there, it's

where I met Serena.

Remember that night? That was--

- Listen to this.

So I met this girl today,

and I don't want to

get ahead of myself

but I think she's the one.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- That's great.

- Thanks.

- Is she normal?

- Are you serious?

Why does everyone--

Of course she's normal.

- Okay, just checking.

Can I give you some advice?

I mean, I am married

so there's proof I'm

better at this than you.

- Okay, what, what.

- Play hard to get.

You get 'em? Keep it open.

- That's your advice.

- That is my advice.

- Seriously?

- Yep.

- I've never heard

that before, thanks.

You're a master of

female psychology.

- Oh yeah, I know it's

a cliche, but it works.

You think I tricked my wife?

- Sorry again about

the, you know, wedding.

- No, it's cool.

- Plane tickets these

days are just crazy.

- I know you wanted to be there.

- I'm excited to meet her

though. Does she like it?

- Eh, you know. She's--

she'll come around.

She's still getting

used to the place.

(spitting)

- Yeah, she'll get there.

- [Emily] Hello?

- Hey, it's Rob from yesterday.

- [Emily] Oh, hi.

- Is this a bad time?

- [Emily] No no no, it's just...

Give me a second.

Okay, that's better.

I can hear you now.

- What are you up to?

- [Emily] Oh, I'm just at this

thing that's full of people

talking about how

great they are.

It's really fun.

- Yeah, I'm at one

of those things too.

- Oh yeah?

- It's a banquet.

- Oh.

- It's in my honor, actually,

so it's pretty cool.

It's for all my charity work.

- [Emily] Is this why you

called me, Rob, to lie to me?

- No, actually I was wondering

if you wanted to hang

out tomorrow night.

- Um, tomorrow night?

- Yeah.

- I have-- I have

plans, actually.

- Oh, okay.

- [Emily] But Sunday, I think

I can hang out on Sunday,

if you want.

- Okay. Yeah, that'd be cool.

I'll call you.

- [Emily] Okay. You gonna

take me out on your yacht?

- Which one?

- Bye.

- Bye.

- You said your dream

girl couldn't come?

- It would have been nice

to make a thing out

of a ton of friends.

- Yeah well sorry,

you're stuck with me.

- Yeah, it's okay.

- Girl, what's

happening? Oh my god.

(whispering) Jesus.

- Hey.

- Hey, Jesus.

- Sorry, I had two flats.

How long have you been here?

- 10 minutes, which

is way too long

to be a stranger

in someone's house.

- Where's Mrs. Charming?

- I think she's hiding

in the bathroom.

That's smart.

- Yeah, she's crashing up there.

- Oh my God.

That girl I met? She's here?

- Oh, where?

- Be cool.

- What? What does that mean?

- I don't know.

- 'sup.

- Hey, hi.

- What's this? What's going on?

- This is my wife, Emily.

- Hi, I'm Emily. So nice

to finally meet you.

I've heard so much about you.

- Yeah, so have I.

- You two are off

to a terrible start.

- So where's this girl?

- What?

- Rob saw this girl he just

met who he's obsessed with.

- I wouldn't say obsessed.

- Sorry, completely

in love with.

So, where is she?

- Uh...

That's her over there,

eating a ton of food.

- Oh yeah, she's cute.

Was she wearing pigtails

when you met her?

Rob has like a fetish for

pigtails. It's super creepy.

- It's not a fetish, I

just think they're cool.

- Yeah, pigtails are really

cool. Everyone knows that.

So you gonna go

talk to her or what?

- Yeah, I'll go do that.

- If you're just as weird

as you are right now,

it will go great.

- Okay...

- Jason Mcallister.

- Oh yeah, hi. You're...

- Rob Semeder, we teach

in the same building.

Loved your book.

- Oh, thank you.

- Holy sh*t. Have you

tried this mac and cheese?

- What's wrong with you?

- Something just happened.

- What? Did you sh*t your pants?

- What? No, god.

- You look like you

sh*t your pants.

- I didn't.

The girl who gave

me her number...

- Is she here? Where is she?

- Be cool.

- What does that mean?

- She's here, and she's married.

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