Parada Page #4

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if I dont want them to.

You think so?

So...

Two old mates meet after a long break

and want to celebrate their meeting.

- Before going to bed.

- I heard that.

Take him upstairs

before he starts to cry again.

Cheers.

Slug it in a manly way,

energetically, not like a girl.

Not that finger!

They see that, they shoot the fag.

Hold it tightly, well.

- Hold it more...

- Casually.

Not casually, you are casual.

Hold it normally,

like normal people, f*** it.

Go on, strong, firm,

so the boom can be heard.

Boom.

- What did you say?

- Boom.

Cheers.

What did I tell you?

Were screwed.

Come on, get up.

Stand like a man, stomach in.

Pull your belly in, f*** it!

My car doesnt have roaming.

We need to take yours.

Give me the keys.

You like weapons too?

Its just decor...

Thats a Magnum 357.

Good one.

Whats that?

- Whats this?

- Hydrating facial creme.

- For my tan.

- I know what that is.

Your luggage.

ADAM AND (ST)EVE

Bye, bye, you ape.

Pleasure or business?

- Pleasure.

- Business.

So a bit of both.

- Welcome to Croatia.

- Thank you.

Drive... Drive!

So tell me,

have you had it from birth?

You mean the illness?

Yes.

I mean,

does it hurt when you... do that.

It hurts.

Why put up with that?

Id f*** their mums!

- What the f***?

- Little sheep!

F*** the sheep.

Where are you going?

Hello, are you crazy?

Leave them.

Whos my little sheep?

What an idiot!

POOFTER C*NTS

Hey, maestro! Please, stop!

Little sheep...

Hes carrying sheep!

Ill stick this...

No, that would make you happy.

Youre sleeping in the car.

Come on, idiot.

Weve a basketball team here

so theres only one room left.

But the bed is king size,

as we call it in Australia.

If I catch you perving,

Ill kill you.

Its the most primitive stereotype

straight people have about gays.

I told you once.

Just be careful.

You wont be checking out my ass.

Thats it.

Id do much worse things for you.

Yes... hes just my type.

Poofter!

Come on, Buljan, shoot!

Any cute ones?

Youre a gargantuan

living example of an alpha male.

If thats something bad,

youre screwed.

Do you have any interests,

like animals or books? Music?

- Do you watch movies?

- Only the old ones are worth it.

Old, like Van Dammes stuff?

No. Old, like Ben Hur.

Well, Ben Hur is a totally gay movie.

- What did you say?

- Ben Hur and Messala are lovers.

When they meet after 15 years,

their passion is so strong its incredible.

You know what?

Youre a really sick boy.

Sweet granny...

Like sugar.

- Should I wait in the car?

- No.

- Which one is ours?

- Scarf.

Waiter.

- What will you have?

- Two beers.

Local dialect, how diplomatic.

Bring any,

as long as its Serbian.

- Please, lets go.

- Why?

Im thirsty, Ill have a beer.

I f*** your Sunday,

f***ing Chetnik pig.

Where have you been,

Ustasha p*ssy?

Look at you... Youre great.

What is this? Youre a bit fuller.

You play?

Ben Hur...

Come on!

Lets drink the first round

for 1991!

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

The second one for 1992.

I know you from somewhere.

- West Slavonia?

- This is my brother.

Zuko. Hes a sniper.

He remembers the ones he missed.

How will I find them later

if I dont have a good memory?

How did you two meet?

It was summer 1992...

- 1993.

- No, it was 1992.

And we were shooting.

But shooting like men should.

We shoot and shoot.

Bullets fly everywhere.

Like in hell.

None of us moves forward.

Not one step. Its a stalemate.

And then I saw him.

I had some kind of diarrhoea.

F*** it, they sh*t everywhere,

those Chetnik sh*t scum.

For three days it leaked out of me.

Cheers! Take that glass.

Jumping like a bunny.

He was so cute

that I felt sorry to shoot him.

U-yo, U-yo!

Be a man, Chetnik d*ckhead,

and let me finish shitting

then Ill improve your statistics.

Deal, but come out front

where I can see you.

- Is it Candy?

- Candy.

U-yo!

People, Ive never seen

such joy on a mans face.

- The man loved his ass.

- So the point of this story is...

Dont.

Roko, I came here

because of ass, in a way.

Can we talk alone?

- Its a job.

- Bank problems?

Where were you during the war?

I was at school then.

There will be other opportunities.

Cheers!

- Ill f*** your Chetnik mother!

- Ill f*** your Ustasha mother!

Come on, poofter! Come on!

Roko! Zlaticas in labour.

And youre screwing here

with Serbs?

F***, Dad, call a vet!

- Its too late.

- Holy mother!

- Her mouths foaming.

- Oh, dear.

Breech position, where is she?

A Serb can help me,

but I got you two fags.

You should be ashamed of yourselves!

You f***ing bastards!

- Here you go, Doctor.

- I need a helper.

- I cant stand blood.

- Zlatica is like a child to me.

Shame on you.

Dont just stand there. Come here.

- What should I do?

- Tie up the legs.

- Pet her.

- Do what?

Her hind legs are stuck.

Dont faint.

Cut the crap.

- Its okay.

- Here we are.

Im going to make

a profile for him on Facebook.

Congratulations, its a boy.

Last time we took a title was 2005

when Zlatica was born.

And now hell f*** up

the Zagreb Purgers again.

- A son, congratulations.

- Thanks.

So youre that... poofter.

Im Radmilo.

I owe you one, Radmilo.

The kid is good.

But I was suspicious.

The way he drinks.

See? What did I tell you?

If you hadnt been with him,

wed have bashed him at once.

Naturally.

I killed people, and Serbs...

I did robberies

in Germany and Sweden.

In wartime I made deals with everyone,

but I never protected fags before.

Its good to try everything in life.

It will be great for your CV!

And Edo, the Slovenian?

The Montenegrins killed him

in f***ing... Stockholm.

- Hudo Djukanovic?

- I was at his funeral last summer.

- And what about Nettle?

- The Hague... 20 years.

Poor guy.

What are you looking at?

- The Macedonian, Anastasov?

- He went into politics.

Phew, f***ing a**hole.

- What about the Bosnian, Zubovich?

- The Balija? Hes alive and free.

WELCOME:

TO BOSNIA AND HERZEGOVINA

March into the woods, Chetniks

Straight, that way.

- No rifle!

- Shut up or you die like a dog!

I asked for normal movies...

Hunter Protects Sarajevo,

Blondes On a Business Trip,

Shove It Like a Man 3...

Check it out.

The kid mixed up the discs.

What does he know, hes only 7?

- Id never do it, I swear by Allah.

- Watch it!

Watch it! Dont close your eyes.

Watch it. Watch it!

Anal Pals, Rectal Wars,

Milk Your Daddy...

The City C*cks, The Bridge Over...

F*** you, man!

- Do you hear?

- I wont watch that.

Watch it,

or I f*** your fag-loving ass.

Youre watching it, p*ssy?

- People, do you have a remote?

- F*** off...

- Lemon!

- Ibro!

- Hi, Chetnik... You, dont move!

- Whats this?

Ever heard

of non-violent communication?

- Whats that?

- What?

Thats when I let you be

so my people didnt shoot you.

- Would be better if they had.

- Heres the Ustasha!

- Where have you been?

- The complete team.

Look, a Chetnik, an Ustasha,

all thats missing is a f*ggot.

Present!

You motherf***er...

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