Pardon My Sarong

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That bus only goes

ten blocks this way,

ten blocks this way

and ten blocks this way.

Why, it doesn't even

have to make a left-hand turn.

Gone! Completely

disappeared! No trace of it!

How in heaven's name does

anybody steal a crosstown bus?

What are the

drivers' names?

Algernon Shaw Harring

and Wellington Phlug.

Ah, this is no time

to make jokes!

They're new employees.

Shall I call the police?

And have us made the laughingstock of

the country? Get a private detective.

Yes, sir.

Crosstown bus disappears

right under our noses!

Wait 'til I get my hands

on bus number 5111.

Of all the bus drivers in

Chicago, I had to pick those two.

I should never have let you talk us

into leaving our crosstown bus route.

What are you worrying about?

We'll get a promotion. Yeah.

We'll have our pictures

in the papers.

I know what it's gonna say.

"Wanted by the police. "

Nothing of the kind.

Get a load of that.

"Tommy Layton

enters yacht race. "

You mean he's gonna enter this bus in

the boat race? Ye... No, certainly not!

After all...

Oh, will you keep your eyes

open? I can't. I'm sleepy.

I didn't get no sleep in that motel. Why?

Some dummy put the bed

in the closet.

It's a Murphy bed. Murphy

should have slept in it.

What are you...

Hold on to that.

Okay, I'll take it.

Drive straight.

We're running out of gas.

Running out of gas? Oh. Yes.

What are you driving

so fast for?

I got to get to a station

before we run out of gas. No, no.

How you gonna pay for gas? What

are you gonna use for dough?

Don't worry about the dough. I'll see

if I can get away with a baseball story.

- Hey, you like baseball?

- Do I? I never miss a game.

The last half of the 9th,

the score is tied.

Three men on base. Up comes

DiMagg. Three balls, two strikes.

The pitcher winds up,

throws... Zowie, a home run!

The Yanks win five to one. We

sure put it over, didn't we?

Yep, we sure put it over! We certainly did!

Hey!

Hey, come back here!

How do you like that!

What happened?

I just got gypped by a

couple wise guys. Yeah?

Where's the

nearest gas station?

Never mind him. Fill it up. Fill it up.

Come on, girls, relax.

There we are.

How'd you enjoy the

trip? The next one's mine.

What are you doing?

- How'd you enjoy the trip?

- Fine, Tommy.

Come along, girls.

Hey, pardon me, but aren't

you Tommy Layton? Yeah.

And we're his nurses. Lucky patient.

I'm from the Oakmont Herald.

How's for a picture?

Sure.

Good.

Thanks, girls.

Come on. Let's get back.

I've had enough air.

That'll be $12.50 for the

gas. $12.50 for the gas.

Tell him to put it on the

cuff. Put it on the cuff.

What do you mean,

"Put it on the cuff"?

What...

Come on. We'll get it off

Mr. Layton. No fighting.

Mr. Layton, the man wants

$12.50 for the gas.

I'll settle everything

at the end of the trip.

Right now, money is

secondary. Just a minute.

How 'bout giving me a

little secondary? All right.

Here's $20.00. Keep the

change. $20.00. Keep the change.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

What's the matter with you?

What's wrong?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Pay the man. How? The girl took the money.

What girl? The one with the

long red stuff and head too.

Oh, how are we going

to pay for this gas?

Wait, I've got it!

Go tell him the baseball story.

The baseball story? The old one? You know.

They don't know it out

here. They don't know it?

Certainly not. The one about the guy on...

Yes, yes, yes,

you know it. Go ahead.

That was $12.50, wasn't it? That's right.

$12.50,

ha-ha, $12.50.

You like baseball? Yeah, I'm

just crazy about baseball.

I think we got 'em.

That's all there is to it.

In fact, I'm just dying to have

somebody tell me a baseball story.

Algy, you better tell him. Why?

He's just dying to have somebody

tell him a baseball story.

Aren't you dying to

tell him? I'm just dyin'.

Go find out if he heard

the game yesterday. Okay.

Did you hear the game yesterday? No.

He didn't hear it.

So?

It was some game. It was the last

of the 9th and the score was tied.

Are you sure you didn't hear the game? No.

You read it in the papers? No.

Hear it on the radio? No!

Okay.

What's the matter? I don't

think it's gonna work.

Is he askin' too many questions?

He knows too many answers.

Go over and tell him

the story. Go on, go on.

Okay.

Hurry up.

Joe DiMaggio... Was at bat,

three balls, two strikes.

The pitcher winds up, throws.

DiMaggio swings... Zowie, a home run!

The Yanks win

five to one!

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh.

Come here, smart guy. Two fellows put

that gag over on me a few minutes ago.

I said the next guy that

did it, I'd break his leg!

What's that got to do with

my change? What change?

My change from the $20 bill

I gave you. You gave me... Oh!

I beg your pardon, sir. That's okay.

After all, you must

trust everybody. Yes, sir.

Here's a tip for you. That's

very generous of you, sir.

That's okay. Thank you. Thank you, sir.

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Ha-ha!

Ooo-ooo-ooo!

Ah, boy,

that was swell.

One more?

No, one's enough.

I gotta go for another one. Wait a minute.

One's enough. If you're

a sissy, I can't help it.

I like the stuff.

What do you mean?

Scotch and soda.

Cuba libra.

Make mine a brandy.

Can't handle it, huh?

Getting old. Not me, I got a

hollow leg. Fill it up again!

My friend, Algy, don't think

I can handle this stuff.

Thank you. Oh boy.! Whoo-whoo.!

I tell ya,

when I go for this stuff,

I really go for it.

I know, but one of those is enough. Nah!

Come on, let's...

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Take it easy.

Get it out.

That would have cost fifty

cents if you had swallowed that.

Do I worry

'Cause you're

stepping out

Do I worry

'Cause you've got me

in doubt

Though your kisses

aren't right

Do I give a bag of beans

Do I

stay home every night

And read my magazines

Am I frantic

'Cause we've

lost the spark

Is there panic

When it starts

turning dark

And when

evening shadows creep

Do I lose any sleep

over you

Do I worry

You can bet your life

I do

Do I worry

When the ice man calls

Do I worry

If Niagara falls

Though you treat me

just like dirt

Think I give a snap

Are my feelin's

really hurt

When you're sittin'

in somebody else's lap

Am I curious

When the gossip flies

Am I furious

'Bout your

little white lies

When all

our evenings end

'Cause you

got a sick friend

That needs you

Do I worry

Honey, you know

doggone well I do

Now am I frantic

'Cause we've

lost the spark

Is there panic

When it starts

turning dark

And when

evening shadows creep

Do I lose any sleep

over you

Do I worry

You can bet your life

I do

Think you can walk?

Oh, I'll make it.

Right.

Right.

What's the matter?

I should've never mixed them. Mixed what?

The chocolate with the

vanilla. Let's go to bed.

Hello! Whoo! Come on.

I'm sorry, very sorry. Sorry.

Oh, pictures.

Are they your children?

Hey, looks like somebody I know. That's us.

You admit it? Whoever took that

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