Parental Guidance Page #9

Just like her mom.

Hey, it stopped raining.

Carl says we should go outside

and play again!

Oh, no, Barker, it's too muddy.

But he wants to.

Barker, remember what we talked about?

You're the boss of Carl.

You tell him what to do.

We can't go out now, Carl.

Carl, no!

- Stop!

- What's wrong?

He ran away.

He said he's never coming back.

Oh, he'll come back.

He has to pick up his mail.

Yeah, mail.

Makes sense.

- Barker!

- Carl!

Artie, get him.

Barker has left without adult supervision.

Carl, don't go!

Barker!

Goodbye, Artie Decker.

Barker!

How many heart attacks can you give me?

Oh, no, no, no!

- Barker, are you okay?

- He's fine.

What, are you hurt?

Look, can't you see?

He's dead, the car killed him!

Carl is dead!

What? No! I killed Carl?

Oh, honey, he's fine. He's just dazed.

Yeah, yeah. Carl, you're okay, aren't you?

Yeah, I'm all right, mate. I'm all right!

- That wasn't Carl, that was you!

- Shut up!

No, he's not all right!

He's dead! He's mushed all over the road.

His head is here and his body's over there!

It's your fault! You made me get

into a fight with him!

We are so past weird.

I love Carl!

I even pack extra fortune cookies for him!

Excuse me, what's Chinese for mental case?

Hello?

We were cruising

and heard the alarm. Is everyone okay?

Yes.

No, he's dead! The car killed him!

He came out of nowhere!

Officer, you're wasting your time.

What happened? Why are the police here?

Why is the alarm on?

- Oh, hi!

- Mommy!

- Was there a break-in?

- It's nothing.

It's absolutely nothing.

What are you doing home?

I killed Carl!

- What?

- You killed Carl? How?

Who is Carl? Is he a family member?

- Yes!

- No!

He's a kangaroo!

He's a what?

Turner, your eye!

How did that happen?

Artie did it?

Oh, no, no, no. Ivan's sister did it.

I did that.

You hit Mom?

It was an accident!

Ma'am, would you like to file a complaint?

No!

We were playing a game.

That's the dress.

Does she have make-up on?

Don't growl at us.

This is unbelievable.

We leave and she's 12,

we come home and she's 16.

Boys, go in the house.

Turner, turn off the alarm, please.

You know, you're not supposed

to be back until tomorrow.

Well, we were just so curious...

as to why Barker was nearly

killed this morning at the X Games!

Uh-oh! Get your taser ready.

That's not right.

Barker was at a play date

this morning with Artie.

Oh, yeah?

I was in a little bind...

and I had to take him

with me on some business.

What business did you have

at the X Games?

Yeah, Artie, what business?

Um...

Aren't we forgetting

the most serious issue here?

What issue?

The death of an imaginary kangaroo.

He's imaginary?

Yes!

You can go.

Would someone please explain

what happened to Carl?

We were playing Kick the Can...

and it started to rain,

so we all came indoors...

and I was helping

Harper get dressed for her party.

A party? You're throwing a party?

No, Dad, I'm going to a party.

For a boy who likes her.

A boy? What boy?

The night before your audition?

Are you kidding?

I told her she could go.

It's ridiculous. It is out of the question.

Maybe it's ridiculous for me to spend

all my time practicing the violin...

never doing anything else

and auditioning for a school tomorrow...

where I'm never going to do anything else

the whole rest of my life.

Huh?

Well, she's using her words.

Harper. Harper!

I cannot allow you to take a talent...

a gift to which you have

dedicated so much time and effort...

and throw it away on a whim.

I hate you and I wish

anyone else was my mother!

Maybe not those words.

Thanks, Mom and Dad.

I couldn't have

gotten through the week without you.

I say we head for the airport right now.

Don't even take our clothes,

we just skedaddle.

I followed you for 35 years, Artie.

Wherever you needed to be,

that's where I was.

No complaints.

Well, some.

But this week...

This week was supposed to be about

us and our grandchildren.

Not you.

Not you.

Did you have to go to that audition?

It's not one of my better moments.

For one wonderful hour...

we weren't the "other" grandparents.

Oh.

There you are.

You okay?

I've had better Mommy days.

You know, it may not have been

horrible to let her go to that party.

I know.

I just walked into that

scene and I freaked.

I can't believe my parents killed Carl.

Well, I was thinking about that.

You know, they didn't kill

Carl, only Barker could do that.

And it somehow took us

not being here for him to do it.

So, what's your point?

Maybe we coddle him too much.

Maybe he needed a little tough love...

to let go of his imaginary friend.

But, Phil, that would make my father right.

Yeah. We can't have any of that.

Harper?

I could come back.

No, no, no, it's okay.

I'm going to check on Barker.

Thanks, Phil.

I'm sorry.

For what?

Narrow it down for me, Dad.

For this week.

For almost getting Barker hurt today.

I just feel terrible about that.

What were you even doing there?

I was on an audition.

Because the Grizzlies fired me.

What?

Why didn't you tell us?

Because it's humiliating.

Why would they do that?

You're so good at that job.

Maybe not good enough.

Alice...

your mom was really hoping...

that this trip would help bring

her closer to her grandchildren.

And she and Harper have developed

a relationship that's kind of great...

and I don't want

to see that end just because I screwed up.

- What about you?

- Hmm?

Don't you want a relationship

with your grandchildren?

Of course I do.

I mean...

like an hour

before you came home, it was really good.

It's just that sometimes...

I don't feel...

What?

...welcome, here.

What happened to us, Dad?

How old were you when Harper was born?

- Twenty-six.

- Mmm-hmm.

Did you know what you were doing?

No.

I was 23 when you came along.

And I was terrified, because you didn't

come with any instructions.

And I thought I was doing okay.

Because unlike my father,

I wasn't constantly telling you...

what an annoying little waste

of time you were...

and believe me, I'm cleaning that up.

And I thought that we were

actually having fun.

Me and the weather girl...

and the cutest little girl you ever saw,

traveling around the country.

But then years go by,

and your daughter goes off to college...

and she doesn't come home

for Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Or summers.

Or ever.

And you get these clues, this inkling...

that perhaps all those years

she wasn't having such a good time...

and that maybe she thought

you didn't do such a good job.

And that really hurts. Doesn't it?

Yes.

So, little girl,

I have to give you three put-ups.

- No, Dad.

- Please.

It's okay.

Harper, Turner, Barker.

They're great kids

and you're a really good mother.

Yeah.

I'm basking in the glow

of my children's affection.

Harper? She didn't mean anything.

I mean, she's 12.

Get ready, it's going to get a lot worse.

Only, don't let her turn her back on you.

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