Parental Guidance Page #8

Two against one? How big was this other...

It was his little sister.

She did this.

Turner, this is all my fault.

When I said stand

up for yourself, I didn't mean hitting.

All right, listen.

Oh, boy. The older I get,

the lower the floor gets.

Turner, can I share something with you?

Just between me and you.

No one else knows this.

This is just two guys talking.

When I was your age,

I was very shy because I was short.

I didn't talk to anybody.

And my self-esteem...

You know, the way

I feel about myself, was really bad.

Do you ever feel that way?

Yeah? Well, you know what? You shouldn't.

Because you're a great kid.

All right, I want to play you something.

Hey, house, I want to play something.

Okay.

Oh. Okay.

Now, the first time I heard this...

I knew right away that

I had found my voice.

I knew that I had to become

a baseball announcer.

And once I knew that...

it didn't matter what anybody

else thought or said about me.

Sh-sh-shot heard round the w-world?

Right. The shot heard round the world.

Let me tell you about it.

It's 1951. Long time ago.

Two teams:
Brooklyn Dodgers,

New York Giants.

And they hated each other.

L- Like Luke S-Skywalker and D-Darth Vader.

Worse.

Well, the baseball season ends

and they're tied.

Now, this one game would decide...

who would go to the World Series

against the great New York Yankees.

Biggest game in the history of New York.

Bottom of the ninth inning, two outs,

the Giants are losing 4 to 2...

and a batter

named Bobby Thomson comes up to bat.

Bobby Thomson

up there swinging.

He's had two out of three,

a single and a double, and Billy Cox is...

Close your eyes. Close your eyes, come on.

Close your eyes and you can see it.

Bobby hitting at.292.

Lockman without

too big of a lead at second...

but he'll be running like the wind

if Thomson hits one.

Branca throws.

There's a long drive!

It's gonna be, I believe...

The Giants win the pennant!

The Giants win the pennant!

The Giants win the pennant!

The Giants win the pennant!

Bobby Thomson hits into the lower

deck of the left field stands!

The Giants win the pennant...

and they're going crazy,

they're going crazy!

And home!

I don't believe it!

I do not believe it!

The Giants won it by a score of 5 to 4...

and they're picking Bobby Thomson up...

and carrying him off the field!

That's what gave me my dream.

Now the big dream,

of course, was to announce for the Giants.

D- Did you?

No. But...

Y- You still might?

You never know.

C- C-Can I h-hear it again?

Sure.

Bobby Thomson

up there swinging.

He's had two out of three,

a single and a double,

and Billy Cox is playing...

Honey, we're going to play a

game. You want to join us?

- Grandma, I can't.

- Why?

Because if I don't do well tomorrow...

then I won't get into

the Atlanta Youth Symphony...

which is a feeder for Juilliard...

which offers a graduate class

with Sarah Chang...

whose students are virtually guaranteed

to get into the Berlin Philharmonic...

which is the orchestra

I most want to play in.

- Sweetheart.

- Yes.

Berlin's not going anywhere.

Well, neither am I if I don't practice.

Okay, I'll tell the boys.

But you're sure now?

Yes.

Okay.

Gentlemen, the game is called Kick the Can.

Are you going to recycle that?

I- It's d-dirty out here.

And windy!

I know. It's called "outside."

Is she coming?

Oh, too bad.

All right, guys, the object of the game,

kick the can without getting tagged!

Okay, here we go!

Come on!

Kick... Come on.

S- Sounds b-boring.

Boring?

Oh, yeah?

Who wants a chance to clobber old Artie?

Right.

And then see him eat dirt!

And then kick the can so hard...

it goes in one ear and out the other!

I do! I do!

I do!

In my ear?

Out of my way, Farty.

Over here!

Good kick!

Turner, it's mine!

I got it, I got it!

Look out for me, I'm Super Artie!

Watch it, watch it!

Pass me the can!

Over here.

Farty!

Well!

Okay. Let the games begin!

Come on!

- Ah!

- Ooh!

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

You should see the other guy!

- I got more ice.

- Oh, thank you, honey.

It should be stopping soon.

I should start dinner.

Grandma?

Yes, dear?

I know my audition is tomorrow,

but I practiced all day.

And you said I should relax

the night before...

and there's this party tonight.

It's the first party

I've been invited to since we moved.

What if I just went for a half an hour...

came right back home,

got a really good night's sleep?

What kind of a party?

Just this party for some boy.

He kind of likes me.

I'll do your make-up!

Oh!

I wish we could stay.

Yeah, we should do this, like...

Yeah, like...

- Every week?

- Yes.

The child

that was involved was not injured.

Take a look and a listen to this.

It was scary. I was about

to nail this 900...

and there's this kid up there

just whizzing away.

I hit his stream

and I fishtailed, and now it's on You Tube.

It's got more hits than

Charlie the Unicorn.

And when I asked what he was

doing, you know what he said?

"I was chasing Carl, my kangaroo."

That's one twisted little dude.

This is from Tony Hawk's practice

run this morning at the X Games.

And you know, it kind

of begs the question...

what kind of parent would let their child

wander out onto the half-pipe?

Hey!

How is this for bonding?

I taught them how to shave.

Yeah. Show her your legs, boys.

That's great!

And guess what? I ordered

Chinese... I mean, Pan Asian, for dinner.

Noodles!

All right, go upstairs and change.

When you come down,

we're going to arm-wrestle Grandma.

How come we just had one?

- It's not too late.

- Oh!

It's really late. Come here,

I want to show you something.

- What?

- Look at this.

- That's Alice's song.

- Yeah.

She was, like, three or four years

old, how did she remember?

I don't know,

but it's at the top of her playlist.

- Wow.

- Aw!

We must have sang that song

a thousand times to her in the car!

- You know you want to.

- I don't want to sing it.

Oh, I wonder, wonder,

whom-ba-doo-hoo-whom

Who wrote the book of love?

Tell me, tell me, tell me

Oh, who wrote the book of love?

I got to know the answer

was it someone from above?

Oh, I wonder, wonder,

whom ba-doo-hoo-whom.

Who wrote the book of love?

What is that?

Chapter one says you love her,

you love her with all your heart

Chapter two, you tell her...

you're never

never never never ever gonna part

And chapter three, remember...

the meaning of romance

And chapter four, you break up

But you give her just one more chance

Oh, I wonder, wonder,

whom-ba-doo-hoo-whom

Who wrote the book of love?

I wonder who

Yeah.

Who wrote the book of love?

Thank you.

Grandma?

We're down here.

- Oh!

- Oh, boy.

Oh, Harper. Oh, this is great.

Wait, my camera.

Okay.

Oh.

Oh, honey, you look so great!

Thank you.

You look so beautiful.

Artie, what do you think

of your granddaughter now?

- Wow. Ooh.

- Oh!

Whoa!

Doesn't she look like her mom, huh?

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