Parental Guidance Page #7

You're going to love him. He's a pro's pro.

Tomorrow, 11 AM, Piedmont Park.

I'll see... He'll see you then.

All right, bye now.

Piedmont Park, map.

Dinner!

Who was that?

Market research.

Always at dinner time. How do they know?

Hey, kids, would you sit down?

I have something I want to clear up.

Something's bothering me.

I just want to say...

I was never, ever

going to actually spank Barker.

But you threatened to spank him.

But I never was going to do it.

- But he didn't know that.

- That's why it worked.

Oh.

- There we go!

- It looks great!

Thank you, honey.

Th-This isn't what-what we asked for.

Yes, I know. I got your e-mails. But...

This is how a family eats.

We all sit at one table

and we all eat the same thing.

It's not how we eat.

But you know something, Barker...

Grandma worked very hard

to make your mom's recipe...

just the way that your mom makes it...

so I think that we owe her the

courtesy of eating it and enjoying it.

Oh, honey, thank you. That is so sweet.

I'm going to order a pizza. Who's in?

Hey, you've been sitting here for hours.

Are you playing a game?

That looks like fun.

Do you just press it here?

No, no, no!

Game over.

Ah...

Sorry.

Turner, let me ask you a question.

You ever watch the X Games?

Stuff like that?

S- S-Sometimes.

Yeah. Do you think you know the lingo?

You mean like "h-heinous,"

or "gn-gnarled out," or "n-nose bone"?

Yeah, that kind of stuff.

Listen, how about later I tuck you

in and we talk more about this?

S- Sure. Except for the t-tucking in.

I'm eight.

Okay, I get it.

And, listen, I'm sorry

if I embarrassed you the other day.

Wh-Which day was th-that?

Touch.

One other thing.

This Ivan kid, he's a punk.

Stand up to him.

Anything he starts,

you can finish. Believe in yourself.

And once you believe

in yourself, you can do anything.

You can look trouble right in the eye

and just wink at it.

And everything will be okay.

It's all attitude.

Now, how do you turn this on?

Th-That's just a t-table.

Okay, let's go.

Goodbye, Harper,

Turner, Barker, Diane and Farty Decker.

She did that on purpose.

Remember, you're taking Barker

for a play date.

Okay.

Alice says this is very,

very important.

They're still new here...

and Barker hasn't had

a chance to make new friends, okay?

I got it.

Bye, Barker.

Bye.

Let me ask you something.

This play date kid, he's imaginary, too?

- No.

- How will I know how to get there?

Use the R-life.

Turner already punched in the address.

Okay. Di, can you pick up

Barker after the play date?

Pick him up? You're supposed

to stay with him the whole time.

What? When did his play date

become my play date?

I can't help you! I got to go, hon.

No, I...

Okay.

- Bye.

- Bye. Have fun!

Okay.

All right. Have a good time!

We're going to

have a great time at the play date!

How would you like to ditch this play date?

I hate play dates. No one talks to Carl.

Well, how rude are those people?

Would you like to do something fun

with me?

Great. All right, let's go.

R- life, find me a mall.

Do you guys want to go

to the skatepark later?

I- I-Ivan!

What do you want, T-T-Turner?

Listen, p-punk!

Anything that you start...

I- I can f-finish!

We were at our locker and he ran up...

and it was such an awkward silence.

I had no idea what to say.

So, are you coming to my party?

Oh, hi. Oh, I don't think that I can.

I got to go. See you tonight, I hope.

Oh, please don't go.

He so likes you.

So, Tony, are you

going to bust a 900 today, dude?

Or are you going show us

something that's going to blow our minds.

Something we've never seen before?

I don't know. Maybe I'll try a 900...

and then give you a tattoo

right in the middle of it.

Come on! We're late!

But I have to go pee-pee!

I don't have

a song for that.

Sorry.

Talk a little bit about that

particular night and you hitting the 900.

It wasn't something I planned to do.

It was just I had hit my best...

I got to go pee!

How does it feel to be back in Atlanta?

Hey, I'm here.

Sorry I'm late. Motorcycle trouble.

I'm Artie "Mad Dog" Decker!

What's up, homeslice?

You're Artie Decker?

Reporting for duty.

We up for the same job?

I hope not.

Wait a second. You don't know who this is?

Of course I do.

Dude, this is Tony Hawk, man!

Yeah, Tony Hawkman. How you doing?

All right.

- Who's the kid?

- This is my agent.

Too many facelifts.

If he gets one more,

he's going back in time.

I'm going to go take my runs.

So, how do we roll?

How do we roll?

Well, we roll this way.

The riders are practicing, so you just

ad lib like it's the actual event.

Just call it like I see it?

- That's it.

- Okay, dope.

Hey, can't have a kid up here, man.

No, no, no. Kid's with me. He's fine.

We're just going to go right over there.

I promise you,

everything's going to be good.

You sit right here. Okay?

Carl and I have to go pee-pee.

Just give me one minute...

and I promise

you can do all the peeing that you want.

- But we really...

- Shh!

Farty has spoken.

- Ready?

- Yeah, yeah, coming.

- Okay.

- Go! Go, go.

Hello there, everybody!

It's a beautiful day

and thanks for coming out!

- Here's one...

- Cut!

- What?

- He's finished. The run's over.

Oh. All right. Uh...

Give me one more chance.

I'm just warming up.

Hey, even Sinatra cleared his throat.

All right, pops, come on. Try to keep up.

Ready? Three, two...

It is on

and it is epic.

We're expecting to see

a frontside heelflip 540...

Melon Grab, my cousin got arrested

on the subway for melon-grabbing.

Tony started when he was very young.

He actually skated out of his mother.

Can I ask you something?

I wonder about this.

- Absolutely.

- How do you practice these tricks...

before you get really good at them?

Do you say, "I'm just

going to do this. Somebody get a mop"?

Wait. Is that a kid on the half-pipe?

Barker!

Barker!

Barker, what are you doing?

I told you I had to pee.

Is all that coming out of you?

- I saved it up.

- When? Since birth?

What you did back there

was pretty dangerous.

Do you know that?

Carl told me to do it.

I don't think Carl is being

a very good friend to you.

For a kangaroo,

he's something of a thrill-seeker.

And I think it's time

that you start telling Carl what to do.

One other thing.

I was supposed to...

watch after you today,

and I didn't do a good job.

I'm sorry.

So, Farty would appreciate it...

if when we get home...

you don't tell

anyone what happened. Okay?

Twenty bucks.

Deal.

Let's go home. Come on.

Carl, come on.

- How could you?

- What?

You think I don't know?

I want my 20 bucks back.

He's just a little boy!

He's fine.

Fine? Take a look at him.

Not him. Turner.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about Turner

and that brilliant advice you gave him.

Hey.

I have to ask, did you hit him back?

- No.

- Why not?

B- Because I hit him f-first.

Oh. Then he...

He started screaming

and s-someone helped him fight me.

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