Parrot Sketch Not Included: Twenty Years of Monty Python Page #7

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I don't know what

you're talking about.

Right! If that's

the way you want it.

Cardinal, poke her

with the soft cushions.

Ha! Ha ha!

Confess!

Confess!

Confess!

They don't seem

to be hurting her.

Have you got all the stuffing

up on end?

Yes, lord.

Hmm, she's made of harder stuff.

Cardinal Fang,

fetch the comfy chair.

[jarring chord]

The comfy chair?

Yes.

Heh heh heh heh.

Heh heh heh heh.

Ha! Ha!

Ha! Ha!

So, you think you're strong

because you can survive

the soft cushions.

Well, we shall see.

Biggles, put her

in the comfy chair!

Now,

You will stay in the comfy

Chair until lunchtime,

with only a cup of coffee

at 11:
00.

Is that really all it is?

Yes, lord.

I see. I suppose

we make it worse

by shouting a lot, do we?

Confess, woman.

Confess.

Confess!

Confess!

Confess!

I confess.

Not you!

And then...

Oh, Victor.

Oh, Iris.

[doorbell rings]

Who can that be?

Well, you try

and get rid of them.

Yes, I will.

Won't be a moment.

Hello.

Hello?

Remember me?

Uh, no.

In the pub, the tall thin one

with a moustache, remember?

No, I don't.

About three years ago?

No, I don't.

It's dark in here.

You said we must

have a drink sometime.

So I thought

I'd take you up on it.

It is a little awkward

this evening.

Hello, I'm Arthur--

Arthur Name.

Name by name

but not by nature.

I always say that,

don't I, Vicky boy?

Really?

Is that your wife?

No, actually.

Oh, I get the picture.

Don't worry about me,

Vicky boy.

I know all about

one-night stands.

I beg your pardon?

Mind if I change the record?

We put that on.

I heard a good one in the pub.

What's brown and

sounds like a bell?

I beg your pardon?

What's brown and

sounds like a bell?

# dung #

That's a good one.

I like that one.

I won't keep you long.

[Washington Post March plays]

Oh, that's better.

Don't worry about me.

I'll wait here till

you're finished.

[doorbell rings]

Who the hell's that?

It'll be friends of mine.

I invited them along.

We were hoping to have

a quiet evening alone.

They won't mind.

They're very broad-minded.

Hello.

Good evening.

Good evening. My name's Equator--

Brian Equator.

Like around the middle of

the earth, only with an "L."

This is my wife Audrey.

She smells a bit,

but she has a heart of gold.

There must be a misunderstanding.

This is--

Who's the bird?

Well, I--I--

You got a nice pair,

haven't you, love?

Ohh!

Aah!

Aah!

Shut up, you silly b*tch.

Now, look here.

I've--

A pink gin, please.

I'll get it.

Leave those drinks alone.

Beans for me, please.

Lay off the beans, you whore!

I only want three cans!

Button your lip, you rat bag!

That was rather witty, wasn't it?

Where's my gin?

[doorbell rings]

Who the hell's that?

I took the liberty

of inviting an old friend.

As his wife's

just passed away,

he's somewhat distraught,

poor chap.

Hope you don't mind.

Come on in.

My god, what a simply

ghastly place.

Not too good, is it?

A pint of crme de menthe

for my friend.

Well, how are you, you great poof?

A bit lumpy.

Ah, no wonder.

I was sitting on the cat.

Ohhh!

I've asked along a simply

gorgeous little man

I picked up at the Odeon.

Is he sexy, then?

Oh, hello.

I had to bring the goat.

He's not well.

I only hope he don't

go on the carpet.

Come on there, love.

Drop 'em.

Aah!

Aaaahhh!

Blimey, she don't

go much, do she?

Oh, I wet 'em.

Oh! The goat's

just done a bundle.

[all talk at once]

Get out, all of you.

Go on, get out!

Get out!

I beg your pardon?

I'm not having my house

filled with perverts.

I'm giving just half a minute,

then I'm calling the police.

I don't like

the tone of your voice.

Aah!

Right. Let's have a ding dong.

Monty Python's Flying Circus.

[saxophone plays]

Good evening.

I have with me in the studio

one of the country's

leading skin specialists--

Raymond Luxury Yacht.

That's not my name.

I'm sorry.

Raymond Luxury Yach-t.

No, no. It's spelled

Raymond Luxury Yach-t,

but it's pronounced

Throatwobbler Mangrove.

You're a very silly man,

and I'm not going

to interview you.

Ah!

Anti-semitism.

Not at all.

It's not even a proper nose.

It's polystyrene.

Give it back.

Collect it at reception.

Go away.

I want to be on television.

[grinding gears]

A cassette tape recorder

is to replace the salon

quartets and trios

which have played...

[grinding gears]

...Which will be relayed

over a new public address system,

Replacing one which

relayed both music and...

[knocking]

The financial times index

rose 3.7 points to 476.5.

[drilling]

[drilling]

The BBC has reported

that radio 37 was marking

the first birthday

of the BBC's Southampton...

Hey, ray!

Turn that television off.

You know it's bad for your eyes.

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

That was fun! That was fun!

So, there you have it.

The best of Monty Python.

Hmm.

Where are they now?

Well, they're here

in this cupboard.

Sad, isn't it?

Good night.

[Michael Palin]

Uh, Steve.

Steve, can you leave

the door open, please,

so they can see us?

It's the whole point.

Reunion.

See us all again.

[John Cleese]

Steve Martin,

come back and open the door.

You bastard.

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