Party Bus to Hell

---

1

[chanting]

[music playing]

[panting]

We have to keep on going.

- They're coming.

- Wait, this isn't right.

- Yes. We have to go north.

- This isn't right.

Yes, it is.

We have to go this way.

Yeah, come on!

Wait, that isn't north!

Come back, wait.

I'm telling you,

the highway's over there.

- No, it's not, it's this way.

- No, you're wrong.

- Come with me, come on.

- Don't touch me, Lloyd.

If you don't come with me, you're dead.

We both are.

You know it. They're going to kill us.

Sacrifice us.

No, they're not.

Not us.

What did you do?

Do you think you tricked me?

You're one of them.

I was just trying

to save us.

- Liar!

- Darby...

the heat, the desert,

it's making you...

Crazy? I'll show you crazy.

[groans]

[cackles]

Big mistake, b*tch.

[screams]

[groans]

Come here, rip her tits off.

[music playing]

[brakes screech]

[scoffs]

- I'm not that type of girl.

- What, do you have a penis?

What are you looking at?

Whoo-hoo, party town,

here I come.

- Hey, why aren't you set?

- Where's the fun in that?

[woman]

Whoo!

Hey. On or off, what's it going to

be, I ain't got all day, sweetie.

- Where you headed?

- Black Rock City.

Where the only limits

are your imagination.

How much?

Money's not accepted

at Burning Man.

Only gifts.

Does that include

free rides?

It does today.

- Cool beans, thanks.

- [cheering]

[music playing]

We're on a party bus

A party bus to hell

We're on a party bus

Party bus to hell

All aboard the party bus

The fun has started

There ain't no going back

once this thing has departed

Nothing better than this

it's the trip of a lifetime

You know we're going to party

till the end of the line

We're on a party bus

Party bus to hell

Whoo! This bus rocks!

[all cheering]

Party bus to hell

[music playing]

[chatter]

Bus pop?

Melts in your mouth.

- Or any other place.

- [both giggling]

Oh, hell yeah.

On a party bus

Party bus to hell

Hey, where's my shirt?

- Where did you last see it?

- On my chest?

But then I got high.

You sure did. Oh!

To hell

We're on a party bus

Party bus to...

[man]

Take it off, take if off!

Take it off!

Honey, honey, honey, Burning

Man is not a PG-13 event.

There's going to be

drugs, nudity,

and sex and art and nudity

and music and graphic nudity.

- Guys and girls...

- Wee!

I know what I'm getting

myself into.

And what you're not.

...restrictions,

limits, rules.

Not in the sex dome, I hear, 5,000

sex enthusiasts ready to orgy.

[both]

Yeah!

Why do you have

so many clothes on?

Mm.

[all]

Whoa!

- Sorry.

- I'm not.

Where are we?

On a party bus,

heading to the Burning Man festival

in Black Rock City, Nevada.

It's a place to be yourself

and become something better.

That sounds fun,

I want to go to there.

Well, you're in luck,

this is my third burn.

I go mostly

for the art exhibits.

Mostly.

Oh, you got something there.

What is it?

A smudge?

No, just the nipple.

A beautiful, perfect nipple.

Didn't anyone

hear me banging?

I've been trapped

in there over an hour.

- With my shirt.

- Huh?

But you gifted it to me.

Unlikely story, pre-vert.

Hmm, that's better.

[music playing]

She said

it feels so wrong

But it's gotta be right

Nice, hold that.

Hold it to your right.

It feels so wrong,

but it's gotta be right

It feels so wrong,

but it's gotta be right

That's great, Kim, perfect.

You're beautiful.

Now just lose the top.

Do you think that'd be

a little gratuitous, Jay?

There's no such thing

as gratuitous female nudity.

It's all in your mind.

Pretty sure

it'd be all my body.

Would it help

if I was topless too?

[Darby]

Help!

He's trying to kill me.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Help me!

They're trying to kill me.

Help!

Help! Please.

Help me.

They're trying to kill me.

It's them. The desert.

They're alive.

They can hear someone else.

Everything they say.

They're out there,

they're listening.

They're gonna get us

right now.

I swear to Mike...

Darling, there's nobody here

but us.

No, no.

No, no.

That's what

they want you to think.

They're here.

Everything that you say,

they turn around and they'll

use it against you.

They hear everything

you're saying.

Your deepest, darkest fears.

They'll pick up a reality.

They're here.

We're surrounded.

- Deepest, darkest fears?

- Deepest, darkest fears.

You mean, like...

like mummies?

Yes, yes, like mummies.

- Like f***ing mummies.

- [screams]

They're up here,

they're on us now.

Mummies? Really, Kim?

- Nobody's afraid of mummies.

- Like mummies.

- I am.

- [growling]

[Kim screaming]

Topless.

Me, too.

Come, motherf***er.

[growls]

Stop.

[mummy groans]

I hate f***ing mummies.

[growls]

I said

I hate f***ing mummies.

[chatter]

So, how much longer?

A few hours.

Yeah, we had a bit

of a late start.

I'm not pointing any fingers.

I just wanted to know

if there's anything

we could do

to make up some time.

Yeah, there is,

we're already doing it.

- We left the highway?

- Yeah.

About five minutes ago.

This ride may get

a bit bumpy,

but the route should shave

about five hours off.

Easy.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey!

Oh, sh*t.

[screams]

Warned you.

The ride may get a bit bumpy.

You're so f***ed.

See, I told you.

[chittering]

What the hell

is the driver on? Acid?

A shortcut. Relax, Alan,

we're making good time.

We better be. This ride

ain't cheap, you know.

I gave up a hunting trip

in Africa for this.

Well, there's better music and plenty

of eye candy of the female variety.

It's pretty amazing.

It doesn't matter

if you're rich or poor,

just as long as you bring enough

condoms and toilet paper.

And I did not forget

the Viagra either.

- Ooh, Viagra's a good gift.

- Not a gift. It's for me.

My gift is my dick.

- [brakes hiss]

- Are we there?

[all]

Come on. Aw.

Hey. Everybody out.

We're just making

a quick pit stop.

Gonna check the wheel

tire pressure.

So, sit tight.

We'll be back on the road

before you know it.

No problem, as long as

we get there tonight.

Don't worry, sweetie,

it's going to be the night

of your life.

[chuckling]

Hey, who's up for 100 bottles

of beer on the wall?

- I am.

- Me! I'll have a beer.

Me, too.

Oh, no, the song,

not real beers, you know.

100 bottles of beer

on the wall

100 bottles of beer

[all] Take one down,

pass it around

99 bottles of beer

on the wall

99 bottles of beer

Take one down,

pass it around

99 bottles of beer

on the wall

[all singing]

Hey, Lara, will you...

will you help me in the

bathroom with something?

- With what?

- You'll see.

- [giggles]

- [singing continues]

Great, and I have to pee.

There's a whole desert

out there.

Just think of it

as one giant sandbox.

Thanks, I'll hold it.

- Mmm.

- [Lara] Oh.

Oh, oh.

[giggling]

Oh, my God.

You've got a strong bladder

there, honey.

[man] That's what

I'm talking about.

Young love,

it's a beautiful thing!

[man #2] Yeah.

[man #3] Rock that p*ssy!

Where are you going?

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