Patti Cake$ Page #3

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The truth was uncovered

And we confessed

To these people

That we're secret lovers

How earlier this summer

I humped you

Like a bum behind the dumpster

And when you were coming

You were blubbering

Cussing like a trucker

Saying I was Your one true

love Your number one stunner

Whoa!

I brought the thunder

But you left me

Underwhelmed and numb

Yeah, I'm glad you wore

A rubber when I discovered

The number of bumps

On your lil' cucumber

Remember they were purps?

You said it was a sunburn

But I think it was the herps

Oh, Danny

You're more chicken sh*t

Than the toilets of KFC, man

You're dressed in drag

With the mustache

Of another man's teabag

What, you think you got swag

And a G-pass

'Cause you sell weed bags

Outta your dad's pizzeria?

Damn!

You're a cyber gangster

On G-chat with a ski mask

While your free hand's picking

Your ween crabs

Looking at my screengrabs

Put on these knee pads

Bend down

And kiss my sweet ass

Excuse my French

But you're a douche

Danny Bagadella

More like a f***in' D-bag

B*tch, what the f***

did you just say?

You just committed

f***in' suicide.

You mad, bro?

You wanna sit down here?

Let's go.

Get the hell outta here!

Let's go! Move, move!

Actin' like a buncha

goddamn Mondays.

Move to Newark,

you little pricks.

Sh*t.

Hey, Tyrone,

leave your bicycle

and get over here, now.

Let's go. Let's go.

Columbine over here

do this to you?

No, no. He didn't do sh*t.

All right,

let me see your license.

Who gave you the nose job?

I ain't no snitch.

Tough guy, huh?

Wait a minute, are you

Barbara Dombrowski's kid?

Yeah. So?

I went to school

with your mother.

She had some

set of lungs on her.

- She still singing?

- You could call it that.

Normally I'd write you

for disturbing the peace, but...

I'm feeling very generous

this evening.

Here. Give that to your ma.

Tell her to give me a call.

Ralph Nichols.

Looking for a backup singer

for my band.

I think she might have

a good time with it.

And you're a little big

for messin' around

in the sandbox, don't you think?

Don't forget to tell your ma

to call me.

Hey, go home.

Let's go to the diner.

Enjoy the spoils of victory,

Patricia.

Celebration.

What's wrong, dude?

He just said

some nasty sh*t, is all.

Jesus, Patti, it was a battle.

Moral of the story is

don't kick a sleeping beast

'cause payback's a b*tch,

and her name

is Killa Motherfuckin' P.

My mind is working

overtime right now.

I'm gonna make this sh*t

happen for us.

Thick N Thin for infinity.

- Salud.

- L'chaim.

Supreme being

In the coliseum

Third eye, all-seeing

Hail, Zaesar

Hail, Zaesar

Eleven apostles!

One imposter!

Last supper club

We poppin' bottles!

Magdalene, private dancer!

Make it rain down

From Jacob's Ladder!

Don't be nervous, honey.

Okay?

You're just strokin'

the male ego.

You tell him

what he wants to hear,

and it works like a charm.

I know.

Sweetie, we really

need you to get this.

The salon's been slow and

those creditors are up my ass.

- Ma, I know. Okay?

- Okay.

We ran into some cop last night.

- Yeah?

- Said he knows you.

- Mm-hmm.

- Real prick.

Said something

about singing backup.

I don't know.

Left the number on the fridge.

I ain't no pig's canary.

I worked off that DUI

fair and square.

Can we do a little something

with this hair?

- Ma, it's fine.

- I'm a professional.

- My hair is fine.

- I'm a professional.

Ma, it's okay.

Leave it down, maybe

blow it out or something?

No.

Honey, you've always been

such a stubborn little sh*t.

All right, let me see the face.

Let me see your face, honey.

- All right.

- Got a little bruisin'.

And you're all buttoned up

like a nun.

- Well, it is a job interview.

- All right.

God gave you weapons though,

sweetheart. You gotta use 'em.

Ma, I don't think that's right.

There you go.

Just like your ma.

All right,

let me get a look at ya.

Let me get a look at ya.

You think people

think we're sisters?

I bet they do. I bet they do.

I never really thought about it.

- No?

- No.

Dombrowski sisters.

We're settin' the world

on f***in' fire, huh?

All right.

Lou vouched for you. So...

where do you see yourself

in five years?

Well, that's a really

good question.

Big fish, small pond

Queen b*tch, Egyptian

Pyramid schemes and wet dreams

Bed, Bath, and Beyond

You know what? I hope to still

be working for you, sir,

'cause, I mean, you seem

like a really great boss.

I'm flattered.

But unfortunately,

I'm fully staffed.

But I will put you on a list.

We...

uh, keep a list for subs.

You're on the list.

Just chill

and follow my lead, okay?

A little late

for Jehovah Witnesses.

No, ma'am, we're Thick N Thin.

We have an appointment

with Swisha?

But let's not

Talk about war

My life's a battlefield

Man down

Inflicted on the skin

Followed by a poem

Fresh ink

I paint the pen still

I ink all the fallen angels

On my shell

The ghosts of my homies

I speak for them

Thoughts through decisions

In the streets

Politicking with my peeps

Still remain discreet Through the secretions

in life Life's a b*tch if you ask...

Jheromeo from the Craigslist ad?

Yeah, yeah.

This is my partner, Killa P.

Killa P. You spit?

Yeah, man, she's got bars.

I got what you need right here.

You know what I'm sayin'?

It's $50 an hour to record,

$350 for one of my custom beats.

- Cash up front.

- Yeah, I got ya, man.

Here ya go.

Let's do business, homey.

Hey, wow. There ya go.

Yo-yo, Killa P, what kind

of beats do you like?

Uh...

you know, like,

raw, boom-bap type sh*t.

Yeah. Okay.

All right, boom-bap type sh*t.

I got somethin' for you, a'ight?

Yeah, but before we get

in the booth, though, yo,

let's blaze one down,

get you in the zone.

You know what I'm sayin'?

No, I got ya, man.

Don't worry about it.

Playboy got weed, too.

Okay. All right.

Dude. Smell this sh*t.

Yo, my man, you got grifted.

This is oregano.

This is teabag.

That's some Guy Fieri sh*t.

Good luck. Good luck.

That real sh*t.

That's what that is.

Okay.

Teabag and Killa P!

In the house!

But try some of this out.

It's this Purple Mermaid.

It'll chill you out,

put you in the zone.

- You feel what I'm sayin'?

- She don't usually smoke, man.

She don't...

What, you baby lungs?

I'm gonna help you out, too.

Let's go. Pull-pull-pull.

Baby lungs.

It's that sh*t.

- Hey, you good?

- Yeah.

Are you gonna spit?

Uh, uh...

Bro, she's fugazi, for sure.

You okay?

Call an ambulance.

I think I'm having

a f***in' heart attack.

Hey, yo, don't quit

your day job, now.

That was so f***ing

embarrassing.

I just wanted to be down.

I f***ed up.

Why did you smoke?

F***, man,

that was a lot of cash.

Wake up, P. I'm home.

Come on. Wakey-wakey, come on.

We're here.

Listen, we'll get 'em

next time, okay?

Don't worry about it.

Get some rest.

- I'll call you tomorrow.

- Okay.

Tuff love

Just like a dagger

In the heart

Tuff love

Well, it's in the blood

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