Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 Page #2

SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIAL

BLARTYeah, I definitely would stand down

for Robocop.

DONNA ERICONEHe’s not real.

BLARTNo, I knew that. Wow, glad I

packed my dress whites.

DONNA ERICONEGood thing. Just don’t tell anyone

I told you.

BLARTTell anyone what?

DONNA ERICONEAbout the keynote --

(realizing)

Oh, you got me...

She punches Blart in the arm, hard.

DONNA ERICONE (CONT’D)

... You done gone and gotme! I’ll

see you tonight.

BLARTRoger that, Officer Ericone.

Donna exits. Blart turns to Maya, rubbing his arm.

BLART (CONT’D)

You were right princess... things

just keep getting better.

MAYA(feeling guilty)

That’s great dad.

An energized Blart strides up to a male RECEPTIONIST.

BLARTYello-ha.

RECEPTIONISTGood afternoon sir, welcome to the

Wynn Resort.

Blart hands him his ITINERARY. He reads it. Taps on his

computer.

BLARTChecking in.

7.

David Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIAL

RECEPTIONISTAbsolutely... Mr. Blart.

BLARTMr. Blart...

(chuckles to himself)

I’m sure you were thrown by the

travel wear. It’s actually

Officer. People often forget

there’s a human face to law

enforcement.

Maya’s horrified.

RECEPTIONISTOh. Okay... sorry about that.

(then)

Oh, yes... “Officer” Blart, I see

we have you in a partial mountain

view and you requested a

“bottomless” bowl of Peanut

M&M’s...

BLARTI didn’t... my doctor probably...

it’s strictly medicinal.

Unfortunately, I am cursed with

hypo-glycemia. “The hidden hell.”

Sugar level drops and so do I.

RECEPTIONISTOkay.

BLART(not letting it go)

It is okay because... fun fact for

ya... Author Stephen King and

comedian Sinbad, // R&B diva Patty

LaBellealso have hypo-glycemia.

So, I’m in pretty good company.

RECEPTIONISTOf course.

(taps a few more keys)

Ooh... I’m sorry, but your room

isn’t ready yet. In fact, we don’t

have you checking in until three.

But you can leave your luggage and

I will have it delivered to the

room.

MAYADad, I’m starving. Can we just get

some lunch?

BLARTWhoa! Hold the mayo.

(to receptionist)

(MORE)

8.

David Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIAL

I’m sure you didn’t know this,

uh...

(reads name tag)

Heath, but if you check the Grand

ballroom and see what group’s

booked there tonight, I think your

tune might change a wee bit...

The receptionist HITS A KEY, reads the screen.

RECEPTIONISTMini-Kiss... the cover band.

BLARTWow, they’re good.

RECEPTIONISTYes, they are.

BLARTYeah, I’m not with them. Is there

a manager, I could talk to?

RECEPTIONISTI’m sorry she’s not available right

now.

Blart makes a decision... SIGHS.

BLARTAlright... I hate doing this.

Blart reaches in his SHOULDER BAG.

MAYAOh no, Dad... not the maga--

BLARTSorry dumplin’, got no choice.

MAYA(to receptionist)

Terrace Cafe open for lunch?

RECEPTIONISTYes it is.

MAYAI’m out.

Maya goes.

Blart drops the MAGAZINE on the counter and then with GREAT

FANFARE turns it to face the receptionist and SLOWLY SLIDES

it towards him.

BLART (CONT'D)

9.

David Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIAL

RECEPTIONISTI’m sorry sir, what am I looking

at?

BLART“Perimeter Check,” the official

trade journal of the security

industry, Feb. ‘09.

RECEPTIONISTDid you print this yourself?

BLARTAbsolutely not -- it’s published bi-

annually. Big seller in Canada.

(then)

Take a gander at the inside of the

back cover, I think it should clear

things up.

RECEPTIONIST(reading)

“Say goodbye to toenail fungus...”

BLARTOpposite page... toward the bottom.

RECEPTIONIST:

Oh.

(then)

Is that you?

BLARTIt is.

(leans in)

This is not public information, but

it seems I’m going to be delivering

the keynote speech at the Security

Officer convention, tonight.

RECEPTIONIST(remembering)

Oh you know, I think they cancelled

that...

(checks computer)

Wup, no, they didn’t. But it was

downsized to conference room “C”.

Nope, “F.”

The Receptionist retrieves a MAP, and opens it.

RECEPTIONIST (CONT’D)

Okay, here’s a map of our property.

Blart looks at it quickly and slides it back.

10.

David Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIAL

BLARTThank you.

RECEPTIONISTNo, that’s yours to keep.

BLARTDon’t need it. It’s been scanned.

(re:
head)

It’s all in here. Locked and

loaded. Time for lunch.

Blart exits. After a beat:

RECEPTIONISTSir, your daughter and the

restaurant are that way.

He points in the opposite direction.

BLARTYup... themap was upside down when

I scanned it.

Blart exits the other way.

OMIT 1515INT. TERRACE CAFE / (EUROPEAN POOL) - DAY1616Blart arrives at an outdoor table to find Lane talking to

Maya, who is already in the middle of an appetizer.

LANEWas I lying about the conch

fritters?

MAYAYou were not! They’re amazing!

With just the right amount of zip!

LANEGotta love the zip!

MAYAOh, I do... I was born to zip!

LANEPut my hand up on my hip,

whenI zip...

MAYA...youzip,

11.

David Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIAL

MAYA (CONT’D)

...we zip.

LANE...we zip.

They share a LAUGH. There’s obviously a little connection

between them. Blart clocks this. Lane turns to him.

LANE (CONT’D)

Oh, you forgot your valet ticket

sir.

He hands Blart the TICKET and then turns back to Maya, smiles

and exits. Maya blushes once again.

Blart plops down and stares at Maya.

MAYAWhat?

BLARTYou were bornto zip? Since when

do you use the word “zip?”

MAYAI always use the word zip.

BLARTI don’t like it. Hipster talk.

Maya shakes her head.

MAYALook, Dad... you’re gonnahave to

get used to the fact that I’m a big

girl now.

BLARTOkay, first of all, we’re all

big... we’re Blarts. Wide hips,

thick ankles and a low center of

gravity, that’s how the good Lord

made us. That’s why we’re so good

at moving furniture.

Blart pulls something from his pocket. It’s a MECHANICAL

VIBRATING FORK. He begins to pick at the conch fritters.

MAYAWhat is that?

BLARTMy vibrating fork. It forces me

eat slower. You think I eat fast

at home? On vacation, I’m like a

greyhound chasing a bunny.

Blart takes a QUICK TWO BITES and it indeed VIBRATES and a

RED LIGHT light FLASHES.

12.

David Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIAL

BLART (CONT’D)

See?

Blart waits for it to STOP vibrating, and the light to turn

GREEN. He then takes another bite. This time slower.

BLART (CONT’D)

There we go.

(quietly to himself)

It’s just fuel. Just fuel.

VOICE (O.S)

Mr. Blart?

Blart turns around WAY TOO FAST for the situation.

BLARTSHANGHAI!

But it’s only the smoking hot general manager, DIVINA

MARTINEZ, who has two ROOM KEYS in her hand.

DIVINAOh. Sorry to startle you, sir.

BLARTIt’s okay, sometimes it’s just hard

to turn off. // You hit the trip

wire is all.

Divina has no idea what he is talking about.

DIVINAOkay. Well, I’m Divina Martinez,

the hotel’s general manager. I

wanted to apologize about the

confusion regarding the convention

and let you to know how happy we

are to have your group staying with

us.

(beat)

And good news -- I upgraded your

room. It has a view of the strip,

it’s ready right now, and I wanted

to give you the keys personally.

Divina sets the keys down on the table and accidentally

BRUSHES HER FINGERS against Blart’s.

DIVINA (CONT’D)

Oh, sorry about that.

(having fun)

Although, I must say you have very

soft hands.

Blart immediately reacts.

13.

David Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIAL

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