Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 Page #9

BLART (CONT’D)

And when you think about it, what

is it that we all have in common?

In the words of Joseph Conrad, who

wrote some really long books about

sailing and stuff, “We live as we

dream... alone.”

Blart gives ONE LAST SCAN of the room for Maya. She’s not

there. This last sentence hits home.

Eduardo is growing concerned as he watches Divina watching

Blart. They still whisper throughout.

EDUARDOYou’ll enjoy this.

(re:
Blart)

That mouth breathing shlub, came to

me thinking --

DIVINAI don’t wanna hear about him...

What did he say? Did he mention

me?

EDUARDOBut you just said --

DIVINAWHAT HAPPENED?!

EDUARDO(chuckling)

It was silly. He was in a panic

thinking his daughter was

kidnapped, but she was just waiting

for him in the restaurant the whole

time.

DIVINASo why is that silly? Any father

in that situation wouldbe worried

about his daughter.

Realizing she’s right, Eduardo is put back on his heels.

EDUARDOWell, maybe he’s an okay father.

But still he’s just a dopey Mall

Cop.

DIVINA(she points to him)

A “dopey Mall Cop” who’s giving the

key note speech.

54.

David Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow

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INT. ENCORE SALON SUITE BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS5454Maya is listening to the message.

BLART (O.S.)

So, it would mean a lot to me if

you could make it, peanut.

Maya feels terrible. She RUSHES OUT of the bathroom to

support her dad.

INT. WYNN PRESIDENTIAL SUITE HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS5555Maya exits the bathroom but gets completely turned around.

She tries one door, but it’s locked.

She then opens another and enters the room where Vincent is

pointing a SILENCED GUN at AGENT PARSONS!

MAYAOh, sorry. I didn’t --

Vincent turns the gun on Maya. Maya RUNS and the Scott gives

chase.

INT. ENCORE CONVENTION HALL "F" - CONTINUOUS5656BLART(emotional)

Oh sure, you might have a wife.

Kids...

(struggling, then)

But when you clip-on that tie and

holster that flashlight, at the

loading dock, supermarket, or

industrial park... when everyone

else is tucked into a warm bed, and

it’s just you against the night...

Khan Mubi, looks to his fellow officers for confirmation.

INT. WYNN PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - CONTINUOUS5757Like a true Blart, Maya WEAVES HER WAY from the bad guys.

INT. ENCORE CONVENTION HALL "F" - CONTINUOUS5858BLARTAnd yet, when people ask me “why do

you do it?, I have to laugh,

because they think I have a choice.

I don’t! I, like you, didn’t

choose security, security chose me!

You can’t just wipe it off you. It

is YOU!

(MORE)

55.

David Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow

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You can take your uniform off, but

you can’t shed your INSTINCTS NOR

YOUR HEART OF A HONEY BADGER!!

The room is GALVANIZED. Blart steps away from the podium to

gather himself.

INT. WYNN PRESIDENTIAL SUITE - CONTINUOUS5959Maya doubles back, having seemingly lost the bad guys and

locks herself in the bathroom.

INT. ENCORE CONVENTION HALL "F" - CONTINUOUS6060Blart steps back in, softer tone.

BLARTEvery morning I put my pants on one

leg at a time, then I slip on my

soft soled shoes and I hear the

same calling you do... “Help

someone today.”

Blart’s phone VIBRATES.

INT. WYNN PRESIDENTIAL SUITE BATHROOM/INTERCUT6161MAYA(under her breath)

C’mondad!

Without looking at the phone, Blart SHUTS IT OFF.

BLART“Help someone today.” Sounds easy,

doesn’t it? But if being a

security officer was easy, anyone

could do it!

Eduardo looks around completely bewildered.

EDUARDOAnyone cando it.

DIVINA(under Blart’s spell)

Shhh!

BLARTIt takes a certain breed. Someone

who has a Spideysense when things

are going wrong.

Blart’s phone VIBRATES AGAIN. Again, it’s Maya. Again, he

SHUTS IT OFF without looking.

BLART (CONT'D)

56.

David Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow

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BLART (CONT’D)

Oh, sure, you meet all kinds of

people in this line of work --

shoplifters, pickpockets...thefreeloader stealing a nap in a

Brookstonemassage chair...

Then there’s the old lady who can't

find her car on parking level F...

because she doesn'thave a car.

And thereisnoparkinglevelF!!

(then quietly, for effect)

It only goes up to “D.” Only to

“D.”

Everyone, including Saul Gundermutt, shakes their head at the

sadness of that one.

BLART (CONT’D)

And all of a sudden, you’re asking

yourself “Why do I do it?”

He lets that one hang there. Donna Ericone, WIPES AWAY A

TEAR.

BLART (CONT’D)

... untila little boy with tears

in his eyes tugs on your sleeve,

and says “Mister? I can’t find my

mommy.”

(choked up with emotion)

That’s why you do it.

(then)

I’ll close with this: If you

believe the purpose of life is to

only serve yourself ... thenyou

have no purpose... helpsomeonetoday.

INNER CIRCLE’S “BAD BOYS” BLASTS. Blart makes a move to PUSH

THE PODIUM OVER for effect, but it doesn’t budge.

The place goes NUTS!

INT. ENCORE CONVENTION HALL "F" - SIMULTANEOUS6262The hall is now a raucous affair as Blart steps off the

riser. Security officers swarm him to offer congratulations.

Blart’s phone vibrates again. This time he answers.

BLARTMaya? I know you’re mad at me--

INT. WYNN PRESIDENTIAL SUITE BATHROOM - INTERCUT6363Maya is scared out of her wits, phone to her ear.

57.

David Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow

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MAYA-- Dad!

BLARTBut hear me out. I feel just

terrible--

MAYAI need your help!

BLARTAnd I need your help. This is what

I’m trying to say. Family is--

MAYADad! I saw something in the

presidential suite I guess I wasn’t

supposed to see, and they’re after

me.

BLARTWho?!

MAYAI don’t know!

(then)

Daddy, I’m scared.

Blart pauses.

BLARTAngel please don’t worry. I know

exactly what you’re dealing with.

It was just someone trying to

intimidate you... they’re all bark

and no bite.

Suddenly there is a POUNDING ON THE DOOR on Maya’s end.

MAYAThey’re coming for me!

BLARTOooof, misread it! Okay

sweetheart, stay calm. I’m on my

way!

Blart begins to RUN towards the lobby.

BLART (CONT’D)

Stay on the phone with me!

The door to the bathroom is kicked open, SPLINTERING THE

WOOD. Maya screams.

58.

David Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIAL

BLART (CONT’D)

Maya, what’s happening? Use your

pepper spray!!

She takes out her mini, bejeweled PEPPER SPRAY but is so

nervous she squirts it in the wrong direction, loses her grip

on and it flies behind the TOILET as Vincent approaches her.

She sees a GUN in his hand and screams.

BLART (CONT’D)

Maya!!

(silence)

Maya!!!

Suddenly, there is a calm VOICE on the other end.

VINCENT (O.S.)

Who is this?

BLARTOfficer Paul Blart of the West

Orange Pavilion Mall! Who am I

speaking with?

Scott now holds onto Maya. Vincent talks to Blart.

VINCENTDon’t you worry about that.

BLARTWell, that’s not fair, I already

told you my name. Where’s my

daughter?

VINCENTYour daughter. Wow, you really

don’t know when to shut up, do you?

BLARTAah!

(then)

Listen, I don’t think you have a

clue who you’re messing with.

VINCENTActually, I don’t need a clue. You

just told me.

(beat)

And if you go to the realcops,

attempt to track this cell phone or

make anyattempt to come after me,

oh man, I am so crazy, I will put

you and your daughter in a world of

pain.

Blart makes it to the area where the KOONSTULIPS are staged.

59.

David Kaminow

SPE CONFIDENTIALDavid Kaminow

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