Paulie Page #5

(Vocalizing)

(Music ends, audience cheering)

Police! Hey, look! It's the cops!

Come on! Let's get out of here!

(Screaming, chattering)

(Paulie) Hey, what's goin' on?

Where's everybody goin'

Go on! Get out of here!

Lupe, you dropped your hat!

(Paulie) Come on!

Come on, let me out of here!

Where am I?

Would you let me out of here,

please?

- Who are you?

- I'm Benny. You don't remember me?

- Think back. The pawn shop?

- Where's Ignacio?

Who knows? He's probably

halfway to Guatemala by now.

- Why?

- Because he's an illegal.

Oh, yeah?

And what does that make you?

(Sighs) Look, pal.

You're going about finding

your friend Marie the wrong way.

You got dreams, man.

I respect that. I got dreams.

You're never gonna find your friend

from singing under sombreros.

If you want something,

you gotta do more than just dream.

You gotta get out there.

You gotta take it.

- Take it?

- Yeah, take it.

That's the only way

we'll get a piece of the pie.

- I like pie.

- What?

I said, "I like pie."

Yeah, I like pie, too.

Look at the size of this place, man.

(Engine shuts off)

- You're not gonna kiss me, are ya?

- What? Get outta here.

If you wanna find Marie, you're

gonna need lots of the green stuff.

- Green stuff?

- Yeah, green stuff.

- Money.

- What for?

What for? For phone books.

That's how you find somebody. You

gotta look 'em up in a phone book.

It's very expensive.

It's not like somebody comes and

drops a bunch on your doorstep.

Come on, Benny!

Hey, what if she ain't

in the phone book? That's what...

Then you gotta hire some private

detective or something.

I don't know, pal.

It's a very expensive operation.

Don't worry, though.

We'll find Marie.

Just gotta come up

with the right plan.

(Paulie) 'Benny had a lot of plans.

'Most of 'em stunk, but the one

about hiring a detective was good.

'I figured, for the right amount

of green stuff,

'any detective worth his trench coat

could find her.

'So, we became a team.'

Five, zero, seven, zero.

- Oh, jeez, I'm sorry. Excuse me.

- Watch where you're goin'.

I'm sorry. Excuse me. OK.

(Paulie) 'Benny said money was the

most important thing in the world.

'So, deep down, people would

understand if you stole it.

'Towards the end of the month, the

pickings were always a little slim.

'I don't know if that's cos they

spent it all or cos we stole it.'

(Beeping, buzzing)

Move it along, fella.

You're broke. Come on.

(Paulie) 'But the real problem

in all of this was Benny.

'He was a small-timer

any way you looked at it.

'Jumpin' up and down over 20s

when there were bigger fish to fry.'

- (Seagulls screeching)

- (Benny and Paulie laughing)

Get 'em! Get 'em!

I gotta tell you, Paulie. God!

You are the greatest thing

to ever happen to me, man.

Hey, thanks, man.

No, I'm serious, Paulie.

You're the best.

Excuse me, I don't mean to interrupt

your little testosterone festival,

but the bird hasn't made us

that much money.

Hello? What are you talking about,

"that much money"? We're doin' great!

I should be, like,

lounging by a pool in a mansion,

wearing a mink coat and,

like, 18-karat diamond earrings.

She's right. We're wasting our time,

when there are rocks to be grifted.

- What do you know about diamonds?

- We met in a pawnshop, Einstein.

You can tell a real diamond

from a fake?

Yeah.

I've seen shot glasses

cut better than that.

I cannot believe you, Benito.

You're gonna get me a real diamond,

and you're gonna help him.

Diamonds?

Ruby, it's a little out of my league.

Your league, but not his.

(Ruby) Park right there.

(Benny) Where?

(Paulie) 'Finally, these

canary brains got the right idea.

'A couple of night flybys

and I found the perfect target.

'We stopped by Ruby's favorite

restaurant for a burrito

'before the big heist.'

(Paulie) Would you hurry up?

- 'That was a bad idea.'

- (Paulie) Hurry up. Pull over.

(Farts)

(Paulie) Sorry.

Paulie, would you excuse us

for a minute, please?

- OK.

- There you are. All right, come on.

I'll talk to you in a second, pal.

(Benny) Do you think

that's a good idea? A chimney?

It's not exactly parrot-friendly.

He could twist an ankle.

What is your problem, Benito?

He's a freakin' bird! Just tell him.

- Now?

- Now!

All right.

- That Ruby's high maintenance.

- (Chuckles) Yeah.

Hey, but after tonight, we'll have

enough money to find your Marie.

Come on,

who's the coolest bird in L. A?

- Get out of town.

- Paulie's my main man. Right?

Dude.

Go on, Paulie.

Get the jewelry for us.

Go ahead, buddy. Go ahead.

Here comes Santa!

(Grunts and coughs)

(Sneezes)

(Paulie) 'The most important thing

'is to leave nothing that links you

to the scene of the crime.'

(Panting)

- (Snoring)

- 'Concentration is everything.

'First, you have to identify

your target.'

(Muttering)

'It was a box full of cheesy costume

jewelry, except for one pendant.

'I figured 1920s 14-karat gold's

gotta be worth 950.'

(Grunting)

(Benny) What's taking him so long?

(Ruby) I don't know.

(Grunting and groaning)

Come on. Come on.

Come... (Yells)

Maybe I should go, you know?

See if he's OK, you know?

- I'm gonna go see if he's OK.

- Benny!

Hold it right there. Turn around.

Put 'em up! Drop it!

What are you doing

with Grandma's necklace?

Uh... I'm taking it.

Paulie. Paulie.

Oh! (Grunting)

- (Yelling)

- (Screaming)

Grandpa!

- (Ruby) What is going on?

- Open the window!

Don't leave me! I'm stuck in here!

Benny, the kid's got a weapon!

Benny! Benny! Benny, where ya goin'?

Benny! Benny!

(Paulie) 'Benny taught me

a lot of things,

'but there was one thing

he never mentioned.

'What we were doing was wrong,

and you always pay.'

- (Paulie) I said I was sorry, pal.

- Here he is.

Come on, would you

let me out of the box?

- He talked up a storm on the way.

- I'm sure.

- Take a look at this little fellow.

- Jeez.

Oh.

Little conure.

Does he have a name?

Yeah, Paulie.

- So, he flew down your chimney.

- Well, that's what he told me.

Ah. (Chuckles)

Well, many parrots have quite

extensive vocabularies,

but there's a difference between

cognizant speech and parroting.

(Paulie) "Aviator Supply Center."

He keeps talking

about a Marie Alweather.

- (Paulie) Hey.

- I think she might be his owner.

Well, that's not unusual, either.

Lots of people train their birds

to repeat names...

and addresses in case they get lost.

- I'm sure that's the case.

- Do you have a phone book?

- Pardon?

- Please?

He's very polite.

I'm sure that's

just a trained response.

But I'd like to keep him here

a few days...

and maybe, uh, run some tests.

Build him up a bit.

He looks a little undernourished.

But, uh, don't worry.

You did the right thing

bringing him here, Gerald.

- We'll take good care of him.

- OK.

I want you to understand

what it is we do here.

Mostly we just listen and we watch.

You see, there's this gap

between animals and humans.

And the gap is called speech.

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