Pauly Shore Is Dead

[ Man ] I don't know what the f***|happened. Things just got f***ed up.

No one will f***in' call me,|and I'm a big joke. And-And the critics--

Pauly, you don't know|what you're talking about.

You're great. People love you.|You have a following.

- Bio-Dome was a great movie.|- Did you see Jury Duty?

- No.|- Neither did anyone else.

Did you see Hot Shots.!?

[ sighs ]|God, I love that movie.

- Yeah, it was pretty good, wasn't it?|- Yeah.

My-My point is, Pauly, is that|we've all had our flops.

- Mm, some more than others.|- [ sighs ]

But...|it'll turn around.

Well, how'd you do it?

Talent.

Good genes.

I didn't come up with|some weird animal noise. [ Chittering ]

- That's not the point, okay? It's--|- [ knocking ]

- [ sighs ]|- Uh--

Look, I gotta|get back to the set. Uh--

Is there a part|in there for me?

Charlie, is there a part|in your movie for me?

Look, I'll--|I'll talk to the director.

I'll see what I can do.|I'll-I'll tell him you're available.

I'll tell him you're available.

Not for long.

- [ Vacuum Cleaner Humming ]

- [ Murmuring, Indistinct ]

- [ Vacuum Cleaner Continues ]|- [ Continues Murmuring ]

[ Exhales ]|Okay.

- [ Vacuum Cleaner shuts Off]|- Pablo.

Pablo?

[ screaming ]

Topping the news this evening,|actor-comedian Pauly shore was found dead...

in a loft in his mother's|West Hollywood hills home.

- Pauly, best known as the Weasel,|started his career on MTV.|- [ Crying ]

- [ Man Sobbing ]|- He went on to star in such movies|as Encino Man...

- [ sobbing Loudly ]|-Jury Duty and son in Law.

Autopsy reports will be ready|in just a few days.

Many say he was a genius|who died before his time.

- ''Genius''? Genius of what?|- [ Laughs ]

We go to the streets now|to get the public's reaction.

You know, he tried|to sleep with me once... and tape it.

- Me too.|- Did you do it?

[ TV..People Wailing, Crying ]

Pauly shore,|dead at the age of 29.

The kid wasn't f***in'|wired right.

Any f***in'jackass|could've seen that.

[ Woman Reporter]|All of the community is mourning the death...

- My son! My son!|- of comedic genius Pauly shore.

- An erect penis--|- [ People Wailing, Chattering ]

that's what it would appear|to be underneath the sheet.

A strange turn of events--

[ Pauly Narrating ] I guess it's true|what they say when you die.

You're a lot more loved.|That's probably why I did it.

I was so sick of people|coming up to me every day...

and ask me|what my next movie was.

How was I supposed to explain to my fans|that my sh*t was tired...

and I had pigeon-holed myself|as the Weasel?

They don't understand|how Hollywood works.

Lenny Bruce,John Belushi|and Sam kinison all went down...

as comedic geniuses|who died before their time.

And now, me, Pauly Shore.

But before the media|blows it out of proportion--

before Access Hollywood|and Jerry springer get ahold of it--

let me tell you the truth|about how I got here.

[ Pauly Narrating ] I was born and raised|in Hollywood, California.

My dad's a comedian,|and my mom owns a comedy club.

And my mom didn't own|just any comedy club.

She owned the world-famous|Comedy Store...

on the Sunset Strip.

The Comedy Store's like|the Emerald City for comedians.

Everyone started out there.|Everyone.

I remember, one time, my mom|even had Sam kinison babysit for me.

[ screeching ]|Ohhhhh!

Yeah, thanks, Mom. I guess Charles Manson|was out of your price range.

The best part|about my mom, though--

she's been partying|her whole life.

Which was great for me, 'cause I was|the first baby born with the munchies.

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

- Dude, you forgot to flush.|- Dude, I'm flushin' now, man.

[ Pauly Narrating ]|Nah, my name's not the Weasel.

My name's|Paul Montgomery Shore-- P.M.S.

I was just like most kids.

I was in Little League.|I had braces. I even modeled.

I went to Beverly Hills High School.

And I wasn't on the football team.|I was in the dance company.

And after I graduated,|I took my acting very seriously.

And then it finally happened.|One night in the spring of'89...

-my manager got me an audition|for MTVat Mom's club.|-[ Audience Cheering ]

- And finally, I became the Weasel. Oh.!|- [ Cheering ]

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

Cool, buddy. Aw-ooh!

My MTVshow led to movies,|HBO specials, strippers and porno stars.

- [ Audience Cheering ]|- Hello!

Yeah, I was livin'|the American Dream.

And then, one day, my so-called|glamorous life came to a screeching halt.

[ screams ]

I got the most devastating|news ever.

No, not genital warts.|Worse.

I got a sitcom... on Fox.

After that, everything else|got kind ofblurry.

- [ TV..Man Grunts ]|- [ TV..Man #2 ] Pauly,|where'd you get all that cash?

- I found some loose change in the sofa.|- [ Canned Laughter ]

That is one of the perks about being your|best friend-- all that trickle-down cachet.

We have to hurry home, 'cause my dad's|got a big surprise waitin' for me.

All right, all right.

Wow. Check out those girls.|They're scopin' us out.

- [ Both Laugh ]|- [ Engine Revving ]

- [ Woman ] You must be Pauly.|- And you must be...

- my dad's big surprise.|- [ Canned Laughter]

- What?|- It's a good thing we're below sea level.

Down periscope!

Oh! Honey, you gotta get in here.|You gotta see this sh*t.

This is the worst f***in' show|I've ever seen.

- [ Boy ] Now, Dawn is Carol.|- Wait, wait, wait. I wanna beJan...

so I can sleep in the same room|with Marsha.

Marsha, Marsha, Marsha.|Why does she get everything?

[ Ululating ]

Oh, my God.|I hate this f***ing country.

[ Woman ] I have bras|that work harder than you.

Yeah, well, your bras|may be workin'...

but it looks like your panties|took the day off.

- [ All Laughing ]|- Hey, yo!

This nigga Pauly|is f***in' crazy, man!

You'd better watch it.|Your father listens to me. I have his ear.

That's not the only thing|you have of his.

You ever seen Pauly?|And then you see Pauly... on weed?

- [ All Laughing ]|- On weed? A lotta weed?

Oh, my God!

- [ Pauly ] Wow. That's a pretty nice rock.|- [ Woman ] Thanks.

It's a four-carat, emerald-cut,|blue-eyed diamond.

- [ Canned Laughter ]|- [ Laughing ]

[ Singsong ]|Yeah. My mom's was bigger.

- Oh! Oh! Oh!|- [ Camera shutter Clicking ]

- [ Laughing ]|- Well, that's it, you guys.

- [ sighing ] Oh.|- Well.

- speech! speech!|- speech?

- Yeah. Yeah.|- speech? Okay.

Oh, man.|Well, first of all--

[ Exhales ]|I wanna thank you guys for being here.

That means a lot to me.

I gotta thank my manager, Mitch,|and my agent, David...

for packaging this show.

I wanna thank|my girlfriend, Zoey...

for her patience and understanding|during my hectic work schedule.

- [ Kiss ]|- I love ya, princess.

- Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.|- Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.

I'd also like to thank|my best friend, kirk...

who was always there for me|when I was doubting the show's premise.

Playing a spoiled rich kid|from Brentwood.

I mean, how perfect|is that for me.

It's awesome.

[ Pauly ]|To our new sitcom.!

- [ Pauly ] Whoo.!|- The last time I saw a steaming|piece of sh*t that big...

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