Peaches Page #5

ALAN:
Jude, stop it!

You blame me 'cause we're not dead?

No! This is all about f***ing Jass!

Get over it,

or you'll drive us all f***ing crazy!

[Baby crying]

Oh, my darling. Oh, my darling.

JUDE:
Steph.

Steph?

Steph.

[Pulsating music playing]

- Hi. Hey, how are you doing?

- Good.

This is Tom. Tom, Steph.

Hi.

You want a drink?

So, how you even bother... Sorry...

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey, don't...

[Phone ringing]

STEPH:
Hi, this is my voice mail.

Leave a message and I'll call you back. Bye.

Yes, Steph, darling, it's me. Where are you?

[Groaning]

Say no to drugs.

It's the only way.

[Cell phone ringing]

Oh, sh*t.

It's been going all night.

You went ape if I touched it.

Hey.

Surprise for you.

How did they know?

Stuffed if I know.

Hello, qua do.

Well, hello.

Well, you're just in time

to say goodbye to Gregory.

You mad b*tch.

Where the bloody hell have you been?

Have you been sleeping

with that slime bucket?

You know what he did, don't you?

He caught some bloke

sleeping with his girlfriend...

so he beat the poor bloke senseless

with a lump of wood.

That's why he went to jail.

Steph, why didn't you call me,

for God's sake?

I mean, look, that's why I gave you

the mobile.

I'm sick of you worrying.

You're not normal.

Normal?

Bloody normal? What in...

Oh, God, Steph!

It shat in the bloody microwave.

Listen...

I'm not going to get angry at you

'cause I'm just too bloody tired.

I just need to know.

Are you sleeping with this Brian guy?

Because, Steph, he's been in jail.

He could have AIDS. He could have Hep-C.

He could have Christ knows bloody what.

There always has to be something,

hasn't there?

AIDS or pollution or brain tumors

or backpack murderers.

You never tell me any of the good things.

That's bullshit.

I mean, I told you about Jass.

I told you about running away together...

we went to school together,

how we started work together.

But you never told me any of it was fun.

I need to know, Steph.

You sleeping with this Brian guy?

Are you jealous?

He's got great legs, Jude.

Don't take that tone with me.

No.

No.

No. No. I'm not sleeping with Brian Taylor.

Then who?

Who's asking?

My mother?

I always remember as a kid

feeling sad when the seasons finished.

Don't know why.

There's always another one round the corner.

You still planning on being permanent?

Hmm?

Yeah, why not?

I'll send you a postcard.

You wanted this, Steph.

You want someone with no history,

find a kid your own age.

Just tell me why you left.

Just... I don't know. Because I was a prick.

Jude lost all her joy. What does it matter?

I think I missed you.

You on your own tonight, mate?

Yeah, Sue wouldn't come.

Apparently we're having a trial separation.

[People cheering]

Oh, f***.

Remind you of something?

[People booing]

I don't know. A time when there was

some kind of meaning in it all?

My dad used to say something.

He'd say:

"Well, I'll have them lined up in rows,

but he'll never be a poet."

See, you never had soul, Al.

You only had ambition.

I never knew your old man was such a c*nt.

What did you want to say?

You said I had to call it.

So why now?

Season's over, isn't it?

Are you okay?

I owe you an apology.

I've barbequed your penis in my dreams.

I've enjoyed it, too.

I hope you marinated it first.

I read somewhere barbequing

un-marinated meat gives you cancer.

Really?

Do something for me, Steph.

Read, okay?

Read everything you can get your hands on.

You bastards wouldn't know hard work

if it held you down and f***ed you.

The fastest forklift driver by a country mile

was Johnny Nguyen.

And the second was me.

F***ing prove it.

Oh, look, shut up and go home.

DAVE:
I'm just so f***ing sick of him.

You want to have a go, Davo?

Well, I've stepped off the curb.

Why?

I assume you mean Steph?

Why did you leave me?

Oh, Christ! Jude, you're kidding?

No.

No.

You left the house...

and then, two weeks later,

you were marrying Sue Kelly.

Three. Legally it has to be three weeks.

- Oh, bugger off. Tell me why.

- You don't mind if I...

I left...

I left because...

I left because we were f***ed, Jude.

We didn't make love for 18 months...

because you had to watch Steph every night,

waiting for her to die of cot death.

I mean, maybe I married Sue

because I was horny.

No, that's not true.

Johnny and Jass, you dumped the lot on me.

And when I got out, you dumped it on Steph.

And you've been dumping on the poor kid

ever since.

So you thought you'd kiss it better

by screwing her yourself?

There are laws against that, you know?

- What are you doing?

- Oh, bullshit.

- What, harassment in the workplace?

- Oh, no.

There isn't going to be a workplace, Jude.

The cannery is being sold.

- All of you, it's being sold.

- What?

They're going to flog off every cog

and every widget and every bloody forkie.

They're going to asset-strip the whole joint

and us with it.

So you knew this?

And you let me go on humiliating myself.

No, I thought there might be a chance

if we could cut costs...

but they'd already decided.

So all this stuff about production

is just a sham.

Every deal we've ever struck

has been just fake, and all this time...

All this time,

do you know what he's been doing?

Don't, Jude. It won't be me you'll hurt.

I just wish you were dead.

Yeah. You and me both, mate.

Get off me. Get off me, darling. Just get...

[Jude sobbing]

It wasn't Alan's fault. I started it.

Oh, God. Kidnapped him, did you?

Ah.

Do you know, ever since you were a baby...

if you were out of my sight

for more than 10 minutes...

I'd get this bloody choking thing.

What were you scared of?

I don't know. It's not rational.

Fear's not rational.

It's just not bloody rational.

Well, well, well.

Bloody Grandpa Jass,

he's an interfering old turd, isn't he?

This thing...

with Alan...

I didn't do it to hurt you.

No. Oh, God. How did it turn out like this?

I never wanted it to bloody turn out like this.

I wanted to teach you.

To teach me what?

To imagine.

You know, just to imagine...

a better life than I've lived, you know?

You can still.

Because you're young still.

You got to close your eyes,

you can conjure good things.

Go on.

Conjure something good.

I can't, Jude.

Whatever I think of just isn't here...

anymore.

You read it.

JUDE:
Have I lost some hair?

JASS:
Saturday night finally came.

- A fat white...

- Yeah.

...male.

- Yeah.

- Rich?

- Yes.

Am I in the northern hemisphere?

ALL:
No!

[Screaming]

Oh, thank you.

JASS:
Is it possible to be in love

with three people at the same time?

'Cause I think I am.

- Oh, well. See?

- Am I...

a Japanese?

ALL:
No!

- Take it off!

- Take it off!

Oh, that's pathetic.

- Well, Johnny.

- Johnny.

- I'm a singer?

- Yes.

- Elton John.

- No!

Off! Off!

Strip. Celebrity strip.

- Am I Rick Astley?

- No!

Come on! Take it off!

[Jude squealing]

JASS:
It was Jude's idea. The four of us.

Tonight sealed it.

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