Penelope Page #5

The usual.

On the house.

Thanks, Jack.

You're the best.

Cheers.

So, what? Are you hiding from the law,

or is that a bad nose job?

Mm-hm. Bad nose job.

Do you mind me asking how much that

might cost somebody, like a nose job?

- Oh, nothing.

- Free?

I was just thinking maybe... getting a

little work done myself.

A nose job?

Yeah, kind of, but for like

for my ears, you know?

They just, stick out up here a little on

the top. I mean, I'm no Penelope, but...

No, you have beautiful ears.

Beautiful. They're beautiful.

- What, are you drunk?

- I'm drunk.

Hey, Jack, how about another round

for my pal, Scarfy, here?

Coming up.

What's a Vespa?

What's a V...? You've never

ridden on a Vespa?

- Hey, Sam, long time no see.

- Wow, look who's back.

Look... have you seen the guys around?

They're touring, opening for some

band who's supposed to be good.

- No kidding? That's... that's great.

- What brings you back here?

Oh, you know...

looking around.

Actually, I thought it was maybe time

I started playing again.

Yeah? Well, good luck with that, eh?

Look, come on, Sam,

I wouldn't even ask if...

You are joking, ain't you?

After all your no-shows?

I only look stupid.

Look, I messed up.

know, and I'm sorry.

Let's just say I didn't appreciate

a good thing when I had it.

- Oh, and now you do?

- Now I do.

Still got your scarf on.

All right, hop on.

All right, I gotta go down the street.

Oi! Mozart!

Yeah. Listen, I'm sorry.

It won't happen again.

Don't muck about.

You can take your whole face off.

My brother once was like,

he was just riding his bicycle,

and he hit this, like, parked car,

and he was so freaked out about

seeing his teeth in the hood,

and, like, his whole face was bleeding

then he got back on the bicycle

and he went to the movies...

Look!

Helleborus orientalis.

They're amazing.

They bloom even in the winter.

Oh, that's cool.

They just pop up without

any help from anyone.

That's like my ex-boyfriend,

if you know what I mean.

You know what I mean, right?

Really?

You don't get out much, do you?

We should talk.

- Another postcard.

- I don't care.

- What's it say?

Went ice skating.

Stop. I don't care.

- Circus.

- It's been months.

Zoo.

How could she be doing all these

things without being seen?

She can't! That's how.

Oh, honey, what are we going to do?

That's her scarf! Look.

No, she went that...

This is really good.

Oh, great. You're here.

It's your turn to buy.

All right, I lied.

I'll buy.

Oh, my God!

Somebody pull this scarf off her.

She can't breathe.

They're not running.

Ah! No! Penelope, no!

No, no, no, dear! Turn away!

She's coming out!

There she is!

Penelope, this way!

This way, Penelope!

Is it true you were

chained up in the basement?

Don't encourage them.

Penelope, do you have

any other pig parts?

With such a large nose, do you smell

better than the rest of us?

I don't know. You tell me.

Mom, can I borrow some money?

I'm running low.

Absolutely not.

You get in that car.

Mom, they want to know if you

chained me up in the basement.

Like, after three weeks, I was like,

I knew something was up.

Nose jobs only take

so long, you know.

No, of course not.

- Bye, darling.

- Bye.

Let it go, dear.

Penelope, is there anything

you'd like to say to the public?

Er... hi.

Mr Vanderman!

Is it true you attempted to file

assault charges against Penelope?

I've obtained

the police report.

No comment, please.

Ladies and gentlemen.

It's OK.

I can handle it.

That woman, that thing,

belongs in a cage.

- What a creep.

- Excuse me.

Have you lost your mind?

You saw her.

She's a complete monster.

The public loves this girl.

- They don't know her like I do.

- We're a publicly traded company.

We love what the public loves.

Get it?

So, what are you saying?

I'm saying you've got

to fix this.

I don't know what you

expect me to do.

Just fix it!

Come on, Penelope,

you're on my team!

OK, but I'm not very good.

Come on, come on, come on.

I told you

I wasn't very good.

- Hi.

- Hi.

You really did it, huh?

I mean, er... you look great,

you know, really happy.

Thanks.

Yeah. You know, you inspired me.

Doing what you did, going off

on your own like that.

- I er... I'm not...

- I have to go.

Yeah, sure. I just...

Oh, darling, I am so glad

I found you!

You must come home right now!

I have the most

wonderful surprise.

OK, Mom, but I really

should get back.

Penelope. What is this?

Listen, I'm sorry I ran

from my feelings.

Oh, is that what you were running from?

I was certain you were

running from me.

Only my feelings

for you.

- Is this a joke?

- Penelope, don't make the boy beg.

Look at that face.

He can break the curse.

But things are different now,

Mother. I...

She's overwhelmed.

Why? Because you're splattered

all over the newspapers?

No, because I have friends.

Those aren't friends, dear.

Those are fans.

'Did you hear?

The pig speaks ten languages.'

'Oh, look,

the pig can play the piano.'

You're just a talking pig to

those people. A talking pig.

Edward wants to marry you.

Are you prepared to walk away from

your one and only chance?

Our one and only chance

at a normal life?

Will you marry me, Penelope?

Hey, Lemon.

I thought you might be able to help me

with this Max Campion story I'm doing.

Well, what's the story?

I'm doing this kind of riches to rags

to armed robbery story.

Armed robbery?

Come on? Max Campion?

Yeah. I just got the call.

He's already confessed.

What?

Pick it up.

You the lawyer

my mother sent?

There's been a mistake.

I'm here to see Max Campion.

Yeah, hey, I'm Max Campion.

- No, you're not.

- Yes, I am.

No, Max Campion.

I am not deaf. I can hear you.

I am Max Campion.

But you're...

What about the guy

you play poker with?

Shaggy hair,

er... medium build.

Doesn't know when to quit.

Ah! Er... is Johnny Martin.

- Johnny Martin?

Johnny Martin.

Poor loser.

Get that down, Martin, in the

pirate pad there

Do you have...? Hey, don't!

Oh, that was so wonderful.

Was it not wonderful?

Yes, wonderful.

We have to do this again.

Now that we're

nearly family,

I think this is just the beginning.

- Yes. I'll fetch the limo.

- Good, good, good.

Can I have my coat,

please?

Oh, Franklin, we used to go out to the

theatre all the time. Why did we stop?

I guess because we had an ugly daughter.

It's true, Jessica.

We gave up everything

because we had an ugly daughter.

- Let me help you with that, sir.

- Thank you.

- It's just over there.

- OK, we're going.

- But my coat!

- Fine, we'll get you another one.

Edward, what are you doing?

Where are we going?

- Max.

- Hello, Penelope.

We were just leaving.

- Hey, how are things, Edward?

- Keep walking.

I understand it got a bit grotesque

there for a while,

even puke ugly.

- But... You two know each other?

- As a matter of fact, we do.

Yale, wasn't it?

No, I believe it was a Bedford,

a Bedford van to be...

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