People Like Us Page #3

before he lost an eye,

or a finger,

or a shitload of

Board of Ed. funding,

because some parent

might just be concerned enough to

go out and find a lawyer.

Like those tough

pro bono types

that hang out

in my bar at night

and stare at my, well...

l think you know

what l'm saying.

(TlRES SCREECHlNG)

(FRANKlE YELLlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY)

FRANKlE:
l have no idea

what you were thinking today.

Hey! Josh!

Are you even listening to me?

Joshua Alan Davis,

this is serious!

l mean, why couldn't you

shoplift or trespass?

Where you lose me

is explosives.

That's where l feel

like l'm not getting through to you.

Hey, are you

listening to me?

How am l going to

pay for that pool, huh?

JOSH:
A lemonade stand?

FRANKlE:
Oh, you think

you're the only one

who can act like

an 1 1-year-old?

l invented acting out

for attention.

And congratulations,

you got to go to see a shrink now.

She wants you to

fill out some workbook for your anger.

-No way, Carol!

-Yes way.

l'm not doing it, Carol.

Don't call me Carol!

My name is not Carol.

lt's Mom,

for once in your life.

No TV, no computer.

That's child abuse.

Yeah, well,

l can't wait for you

to tell your shrink about it!

(SlGHS)

(SlGHS) Come on, monkey.

We both know you're smart.

l know you're listening

in science class.

(PHONE RlNGlNG)

Hey, Jenny,

can l call you back, please?

lt's a really

bad time right...

(JENNY SPEAKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY)

Whoa, whoa, wait.

No, what article?

(JENNY CONTlNUES lNDlSTlNCTLY)

(CHUCKLES)

No, l'm fine. l'm fine.

No, l'm...

Yeah. l'll go. l'm gonna go.

l'll go right now.

Thanks.

-Hey, Frankie. Sorry.

-Hey, Ted.

Do you have

yesterday's paper?

TED:
Yeah.

Let me grab it. This is yesterday.

Wow. You really need

that horoscope, huh?

So, l was going to get

some dinner at some point.

l don't know if you

have plans tonight, or...

-Hello? Frankie?

-Do you mind if l keep this?

No, of course not.

Go ahead.

-Hey, are you all right?

-Can you watch Josh for me?

For, like, an hour?

lt's the last time, l promise.

-(STAMMERlNG)

-Absolutely.

l have this emergency

that l have to go, um...

TED:
Of course. Yeah.

And, you know,

sorry about the dinner thing. lt was...

-Yeah. We're going to.

-Whenever.

FRANKlE:
Thanks, Ted.

TED:
Okay.

Come on,

come on, come on.

No, no, no, no!

Come on!

You had a yellow light,

for Christ's sake. Go!

Come on! Come on! Move!

(TlRES SCREECHlNG)

MAN:
Now it's

a different story.

l'm not saying that

every day is a cakewalk,

but it's working.

l mean,

this program, it works.

l'm a dumb,

antagonistic drunk

who fought this

from day one.

Surrender still sounds

like losing to me.

But l stuck around,

and l'm sober. Thanks.

CHAlRMAN:
(CLEARS THROAT)

All right.

Before we take a break,

does anyone have a burning desire?

Yeah. Hi. Hi.

Frankie, alcoholic.

MEMBERS:
Hi, Frankie.

Um... (SNlFFLES)

l wasn't planning

on coming today. This isn't my, um...

l'm supposed

to be at work. At the bar.

Uh... (CHUCKLES)

Temptation being

the mother of all tips.

Uh...

My son blew up a pool

at school today.

-With salt.

-(SCATTERED CHUCKLlNG)

And then l got a call

from my sponsor who...

That, uh...

"American record producer

Jerry Harper

"died in Los Angeles Tuesday

"after a long battle

with cancer.

"He was 63."

Cancer.

Sh*t.

"From the mid-'70s

to mid-'80s,

"Harper was known as

a pioneering producer

"and A & R man

"who never achieved the

fame or credit he deserved."

"He is survived

by his wife and son."

So...

lt's official.

l don't exist.

Whoo-hoo!

l'm beginning to think the

editors at the L.A. Times

are even bigger pricks

than my dad was.

l feel numb. Nothing.

So...

Why is it that l want

five dirty martinis

and a lot of other stuff?

Just to cover up the...

(SlGHS) Okay. Blah, blah.

So, that's...

That's all l got.

Thank you. Thanks for

all the other sharers.

Coffee and cigarettes

and onwards.

CHAlRMAN:
Okay.

Who's next?

(PEOPLE CHATTlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY)

Hi.

You new?

Knew what?

N-E-W, newcomer

to the meeting?

To the meeting.

No, no, no, no. No. l, um...

l started in Tarzana,

and then Culver City,

and Studio City

was too sceney,

but l heard great things

about this one.

-l move around a lot to...

-Stay anonymous?

(CHUCKLES)

lt's just... lt's...

That's funny. Anonymous.

(CLEARS THROAT)

That was a really

crazy share.

Oh. Yeah.

Do you have

another cigarette by any chance?

l'm trying the gum to quit,

but it's killing me.

Probably.

Oh, no.

lt's your last one.

Oh, that's cool.

l like to pretend

l didn't smoke

the whole pack.

(CHUCKLES)

Thanks.

(GROANS)

Here. You know what?

lt's a little...

My hands are cold

or something.

Just a little...

l have lady hands.

l'm...

l'm Sam.

Oh! There goes anonymous.

Frankie. Uh, welcome, Sam,

if you decide to stay.

And you need

to learn to let go of your toiletries, man.

lt's the third step.

(WHlSPERlNG) Hey.

Where is she?

l'll assume that's an apology

and l didn't understand it.

ls she upstairs?

ls she asleep?

HANNAH:
Yeah,

she's probably upstairs.

She's probably exhausted

after spending

the last eight hours

cleaning the house

with her son's girlfriend.

Where you been, Sam?

Did you have a nice day?

What is wrong with you?

(SlGHS)

What's going on?

Can l talk to you outside

for a second?

(TlNKLlNG)

-Where did you get that?

-My dad.

Hundred and fifty

thousand dollars.

(GASPS)

(SAM CHUCKLES)

That he left to a woman

whose kid is my...

(SlGHS)

ln theory,

the kid is my nephew.

l don't understand.

How could you have a nephew?

You don't have

any brothers or sisters.

(CHUCKLES) l do now!

(SAM SPEAKlNG lNDlSTlNCTLY)

At first l think

she's his mistress.

l mean, that makes complete

sense, knowing my father.

But then l look at her.

She has my father's eyes

and his nose, and she...

Sam.

How are you going

to tell your mom?

Surprise! You won

the golden ticket to the sh*t factory!

l mean,

you have to tell her.

l mean,

she has to know the truth

and she's gonna find out that

he left them this money.

Not if l don't

give it to them.

-No, you're not serious.

-Listen to me. l am very serious.

-lt's $150,000.

-l know.

That he left

in his shaving kit

for some alcoholic

love child. l mean...

-lt's for the kid.

-lt's for me! l'm his son!

l'm supposed to hand it over

with a smile on my face?

He waits

until he's dead

to tell me about

his secret family?

l can't tell her who l am.

There's no way

l'm telling her who l am.

l am buried, buried,

under a sh*t pile of debt, Hannah.

-What are you talking about?

-A sh*t pile of debt!

-We're in debt?

-No, no, we're not in debt.

There is no "we," Hannah.

There's no "we."

What do you mean

there's no "we"?

"l." l'm in debt.

l was gonna

get this commission

to help dig me out

but now Phil Hymore's new wife

needs an addition

to her deck...

When were you planning

on telling me

that there is no "we"?

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