Perfect Strangers Page #4

Because her consultant father said no.

Only the best for his daughter.

Dr. Blanchard, a VIP surgeon

who operates in Italy, but lives

in Switzerland. Not Rocco Buccilli.

Who does boob and ass jobs

for cashiers and secretaries.

I do two for one:

two b*obs for the price of one.

- Are you done ?

- It's true.

- No.

- Then enlighten me.

A husband can't do

his wife's boob job.

It's a matter of common sense.

You'd lose all sexual attraction.

- I agree with Eva.

- The cook never feels like eating.

- That's a good one.

- He does it all the time.

He says, "You know what ?

You eat it all !"

This is the official reason,

her father considers me an idiot.

- That's not true.

- He wanted a heart surgeon for her.

- A luminary like himself.

- That's enough.

Why don't you let Blanchard do one

boob, and your husband the other ?

- Without knowing which one.

- Then decide which is better.

No, get daddy to decide:

"Dad, which is Blanchard's boob ?"

I really shouldn't say this,

but she doesn't need it.

- He paid you a compliment.

- It must be the eclipse.

Eva's right, it's like you

going to her for therapy.

It's unthinkable, right ?

You don't get it, it would be

unthinkable for him to go to therapy !

I'm put off by how long it takes,

but I'd like to try.

You're good at sitting

on a sofa for hours !

You're a real comedian tonight !

This need to talk about

my private business to a stranger...

No offense Eva,

but it's not for me.

You can talk to friends instead.

- I have him...

- And it's free too.

He won't go because he thinks

therapy is a waste of time.

Admit it, I won't be offended.

You think myjob is a waste of time.

- Why do you say that ?

- Because it's what you think.

I don't, I think we do

very similarjobs.

You do brain jobs, I do boob jobs.

We make people feel better,

it's just that you take years,

and I take a few hours.

- Whose is that ?

- Not mine.

- Not mine.

- Calm down.

- It's the gnocchi.

- I'll go.

- Hand me your plates.

- Thanks, Carlotta.

- I'll go smoke.

- I'll come with you.

- What's the moon like ?

- It's partly covered.

- Peppe, I've got a problem.

- What kind ?

Well...

every night at 10:00

a friend of mine...

- She sends me...

- A goodnight kiss ?

Sort of.

She sends me a photo.

- She sends you a photo !

- A photo.

What kind of photo ?

A photo of herself.

You're in trouble.

I need you to help me out.

- How can I help you ?

- We have the same phone.

We'll swap them,

just until the photo arrives.

- Then I'll receive the photo. Come on !

- But you're single.

No, pal, not any more.

Okay, but Lucilla's

not here with you tonight.

- You could have refused to play.

- I'm in the sh*t. Help !

No, I don't want to.

Do you want all hell to break loose

for something so petty ?

Peppe doesn't want to

so he'll ruin an entire family.

And what kind of photos

are you talking about ?

- Just an ordinary photo.

- Don't show me up, or else...

Peppe, two nights ago she sent me

a photo of her in Pluto pajamas.

- You see...

- Pluto ?

- Pluto.

- How old is she ?

I don't know.

- Are you going to help me or not ?

- What a pain !

I'm not sure I should tell you,

but your husband's in therapy.

Rocco ?

Are you serious ?

Who told you ?

Lele.

But don't say a word, okay ?

Whose phone is that ? Mine ?

Who is it ?

- Steve Jobs.

- Who ?

- I thought he was dead.

- And why would he call my wife ?

- Darling !

- I'm coming !

- It's urgent.

- Who is it ? Mom ?

No... Steve Jobs.

- Answer it.

- I don't speak English.

Answer it ! Don't be silly !

- Hello, Riccardo.

- Good evening, Mrs. Masi.

- Your computer's ready.

- Great.

- How come you're working so late ?

- Overtime, too many viruses about.

I'll come get it tomorrow

around 7:
00 ?

- Sounds good.

- See you tomorrow.

It's the computer guy.

- And you call him "Steve Jobs" ?

- Isn't it funny ?

And do you call the mechanic

"Marchionne" ?

- Text. One, two...

- Giulio for soccer.

- Giulio soccer.

- Giulio, confirmed for tomorrow.

- You were lucky.

- There's a game tomorrow ?

- Apparently.

- I didn't get a text.

It'll come through,

it mightjust be a bit late.

Is your phone out of minutes ?

- Have you kicked me off the team ?

- No, Giulio just organized it...

- You know what he's like.

- What is he like ?

- Absent-minded.

- Don't you know Giulio ?

Get your gym bag ready anyway.

Yes, come anyway.

You're such shits, you only include me

when you're short a goalie.

- Do you really do that ?

- That's not true.

- Nonsense.

- Terrible !

- Are you Alice in Wonderland ?

- Why ? If they're such good friends...

Some friends ! I didn't

get a message on WhatsApp.

Turn it off then back on again,

sometimes...

- He's right, sometimes...

- You're such shits.

Message for Cosimo. Who is it ?

Marika.

"Call me, it's urgent."

- Three exclamation points.

- Who's Marika, what's so urgent ?

- Who is she ?

- The name sounds promising.

Sorry to disappoint you, but

she's just the taxi company dispatcher.

You know ? "Go to Corso Rinascimento

in nine minutes."

Call her back, I'm curious about her.

We're eating and she might make me

fill in for someone.

- Yes, a shift swap.

- Look at her defending her husband !

- They haven't been married long !

- Darling, stick up for yourself.

If I have to fill in for someone,

my weekend's ruined.

- We're at my parents' on Sunday.

- Then she'll save your weekend.

Anyway, Marika isn't his type.

She's a hick

with tattoos and enormous b*obs !

What's her surname ?

Perhaps I did her boob job.

- It's mine, an American app.

- Can I see ?

- Where are you going ?

- What is this ?

- An exercise program.

- What ?

It lasts 12 weeks

and you can lose

from 8 to 12 kilos.

- Guaranteed success.

- You only started today then !

- Do you have to do it now ?

- Whenever it pings.

- Even at night ?

- Yes, if it pings.

- Then turn it off.

- I can't cheat.

How can I teach P.E.

looking like this ?

Does the app know you ate half

a kilo of gnocchi in 30 seconds ?

- I'm burning them off.

- Dammit...

That's brilliant. Where did

you find it ? I want it too.

- I downloaded it.

- Have you heard of it ? I haven't.

- On a full stomach.

- I swapped our phones.

- Are you sure ?

- Huh ?

- Are we sure ?

- Don't bust my balls.

Why didn't you tell me ?

- What ?

- That you're in therapy.

Why didn't you tell me ?

- I haven't been going long.

- How long ?

About six months.

That's long enough.

- Are you angry ?

- No.

Yes...

I don't know, a bit.

- You never wanted to before.

- I do now.

You do now ? Why ?

Maybe it is just a waste of time,

but I want to try everything.

Then ifwe split up,

we can't say we didn't try.

- And is it working ?

- I don't know, you tell me.

- But I've learnt something important.

- What's that ?

- How to defuse.

- Meaning ?

Not to turn every argument

into a fight for supremacy.

I don't believe it's weak

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