Performance Page #3

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Without meaning to.

I'd put him to sleep, Dennis.

Harry? Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Harry?

I don't need the details, my son.

Off you... Off you go.

I can rely on him. I can't say more, can I?

He's an artist, eh?

My bath's running.

I can't explain now, Mom,

but it's as bad as can be. Now listen...

- But, Charlie...

- Now listen, Mom.

- But where are you, Charlie?

- I must go away.

Now. Right away.

I might go to Aunt Mary.

- Your Aunt Mary?

- Down in Devon.

Yes, go there.

They won't know of her.

Not down in Barnstaple.

- Right.

- Now, behave yourself, mind.

Yeah.

- Give her my love, won't you?

- Okay, thanks.

- Ta-ta, Mom.

- Bye, Charlie.

I said Barnstaple, not Exeter.

I said change at Exeter, mate.

Seven twenty-two. Platform four.

Gets in at 10 past.

One and 10 for sandwich, love.

- Hello, Ma.

- Noel.

Thanks, Ma. You're a darling.

He said, "You call that rock 'n' roll?"

I said, "That's the sound, Mr. Payne.

That's what I'm selling you, man."

He said, "My God, that's a black sound.

It's four times blacker than you."

Liverpool.

So I said, "Cool it, man. Cool it.

It's a bad sound."

I'll tell you who comes from Liverpool.

- Mary Tinkling.

- "I'll buy it," he says.

- "You got a gig for six weeks."

- He's a shrewd one, is that.

So Mr. Turner's gonna sublet

your room then, is he?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool.

I told him.

I said, "Turner, you are my landlord...

...to which I owe 41 pound back rent...

...which I will send to you

from Liverpool pretty soon."

He said, "Yeah?"

So I said, "Listen. Listen, baby.

All my things.

All my gear, all my sounds,

my big horn. Everything.

My whole life stays right here...

...at 81 Powis Square

in this little basement room."

He says, "Okay, my son, go."

I should try to find a cool subtenant...

...who has respect

for another person's life.

That Turner, drug addict.

- Come on, Mom. He's just like...

- He's peculiar.

He's peculiar. He's a hermit.

He can't face reality. That's what it is.

A world of their own, these kids.

Powis Square, Notting Hill Gate.

This is a recording.

Speak now what you want.

Hello, is Mr. Turner there?

Speak on the third peep.

Peep. Peep. Peep.

I'm a... I'm a friend of Noel's.

An old friend.

It's about the room.

The basement room.

I've just seen him off actually.

Me and his mom.

Oh, good morning. Are you there?

I'm a bit on the early side.

You've got the wrong house, mister.

- Fruit off.

- No, listen.

- I've got it right here.

- Right where?

The back rent. It's 41 pound, right?

He said, "Just settle up with Mr. Turner

and the room's yours, pal."

- Stroke of luck, eh?

- You think so?

I'm in the entertainment business.

You know...

...show business.

And I saw Noel at the railway...

Hello? Hello?

- Oh, yes, yes. Is that you?

- Yes.

The basement room, in the basement.

That's it, dear. That's it. Yeah.

- Down the back stairs.

- Yeah.

Push!

Do it again a bit longer.

- Hello.

- I didn't recognize your voice.

- No?

- No.

Oh, no. I've been away, haven't I?

And I don't recognize your face.

My face?

Well, you should see the motor.

- See the what?

- My motor.

We had a little argument with a cement wall

on the way up from Dover.

Goodbye, the Ferrari.

It's down here, right?

First left I think he said.

Oh, my mistake.

Goodbye, the Rolls Royce.

I know what you mean.

Look after my gear, pal. My big horn.

Yeah, there I was just back

from the continent...

...from a continental tour

and this had to happen.

Oh, very nice.

It's characteristic.

I'll take it.

Dean's the name. Johnny Dean.

Look, regards from Noel.

I got the 41 pounds for you.

I owe it to him actually...

...but that's another story

and I won't bore you with it.

So a week in advance will be...

Sixty-six pounds.

- Sixty-six pounds.

- Plus...

...one week deposit on the fittings

and the fixtures...

...plus, I should have

a banker's reference.

Listen, that's...

Extortionate?

- Of course.

- Well, I'd say that was...

One hundred and thirty-two pounds.

How do you entertain?

- I juggle.

- Juggle?

Juggle, juggle. I've got a load

of bookings here in London.

They're all A-one venues.

- No luck, have I?

- No.

Hey, Mom, when's Christmas?

Goodbye, the Ferrari.

You're pissed.

You've had one over the eight.

No, I haven't.

I'm the new lodger.

Do you want an aspirin?

- Want a cup of tea?

- Yeah, that'll be lovely.

- Have you got some turps?

- Turps?

- Do you wanna earn a bob?

- Two bob, mate.

All right.

Go and buy me a bottle of turpentine.

Five bob, mate.

Half a dollar.

Okay.

So I say to this guy at the office:

"Why are you so mean?"

- And he just say, "Your visa is finished."

- Please.

"And... And you're...

You're not in a place of learning, right?"

Right.

"And you've got...

And you've got to get out

of the British Kingdom...

...and to go back to France."

That's really insanity.

You poor little thing.

When was all this?

I don't know. Last week I think it was.

Last month.

So I say:

"Pherber is teaching me English,

you know...

...and that his boyfriend

is learning me his books...

...and everything... My magic stories!"

First thing in the bloody morning.

And then he asks me,

"Where are you living?"

- I say, "I don't remember."

- I've got a crippled tap dancer...

...in my bloody basement.

- He said, "This is very illegal."

- Yeah, he said that.

So I said, "The Hilton Hotel."

Listen, I don't want any more bums

in my basement.

A juggler, madam.

- I don't want her.

- Juggler.

- I don't want her.

- You'd love her.

Yeah, you might like her.

You'd love him.

Do you think I should wash my hair?

- No.

- And he said:

"You juvenile in moral danger."

- Go on.

- "And you're not desirable."

So I said, "You stupid sh*t."

And I spit and I ran away.

Well, just when I got

my skull completely empty.

Shower?

Plus banker's deposit.

Plus money for fixtures and fittings.

So I didn't get my visa.

Plus references for one week.

- Well, I'm not worried.

- Plus one week on account...

...that makes 167 pounds.

Here, give it to me. I'll do it. I'll do it.

- Oh, they'll never find me.

- There you are. Beautiful.

- I'm not worried.

- Nope, you shouldn't worry.

Anyone want a cup of tea?

Where's my porridge, Lorraine?

Tony! Your uncle for you!

Put them over there, mate.

Oh, yeah.

- Chas?

- What's happening in the outside world?

Ain't you seen the papers yet, mate?

- No, I haven't bothered.

- They're really gonna turn on you, my son.

- You are the front page.

- Oh, yeah?

- What else?

- Well, I've had the filth.

And I've have the firm.

Well, the law, that was nothing.

But your friend, Rosybloom,

he's funny, isn't he?

- No aggravation?

- No, no.

But stand on me, uncle.

It weren't your welfare he was on about.

Actually...

...he's obviously very, very

deeply involve with Noel.

I don't want any invalid...

...washed-up cabaret artists

in my beautiful basement, sir.

Tony, I'm getting out.

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