Permanent Page #4

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(Jim sighs)

What's going on?

Nothing, I'm the

Elephant Man now I guess.

That's right, nothing!

I go to work and I come home

to a big nothing!

Come inside,

we'll figure this out.

It's not healthy

to sleep on the grass.

Go to hell!

Mom, would you like

an apricot orange cheese ball?

No, thank you, Aurelie.

How about I give you

a foot massage?

Jeanne:
Thank you.

Are you God?

No...

I'm Jerry.

Boy:
Pubic hair!

So, what did you do?

If he tells me

he wants to get laid,

I say put that pecker

back in that pocket

for at least two weeks!

(scrambling noise)

Who's in here?

I bet you don't even know

what that means.

What? Virginity?

(laughter)

Somebody should leave

this bathroom.

It's a free country.

Girl:
Bullshit!

Smells like stinky in here!

Somebody's stinky!

It was like that

when I got in here.

Hey, have you noticed

she has long legs like a model?

(laughter)

It's a compliment.

A what?

How'd you get

the name Oral, anyway?

Damn, was your momma on drugs

when she popped you out?

Let me see,

I'll name my baby Oral,

Oral dirty licky lick!

'Cause that's how

I got talked into

having this damn baby anyway!

What's wrong

with your hair, Butt Lick?

She said she got a permanent.

Yeah, I never seen

no permanent like that!

Cut it out!

Oh, my God!

What in the name of Hades

is that thing?

Haven't you ever heard

of a pick before?

They're popular

all over the United States.

They're for the blacks.

I think it's for pubic hairs!

Girl:

Maybe that's your new name!

Pubic!

I'm gonna kick your pubic ass

every time I see you!

- Oral!

- Get away from me!

Give me that hair spray?

Pubic needs some.

Get off of me!

Pubic hair!

What am I supposed to do?

Confront Jack?

Or play the good wife

and pretend

I never found

those porno magazines?

Which ones?

And bless your heart.

I don't know

how I'm ever gonna forget?

I don't know how you could!

Don't put me in the mood

to give birth either!

- I wouldn't imagine...

- Aurelie:
Mrs. Tripp?

I was in the bathroom

and these girls beat me up.

Honest? Who?

I think

one of their names is Kelly.

You had a disagreement

with Kelly?

She is not being

a nice girl today!

She really is not.

And they pulled my hair,

and they sprayed

hairspray in my face!

That is not allowed!

If that happens again,

you come and you tell me.

Again?

(students yelling)

Mrs. Tripp:
Lydia! Lydia!

Am I seeing you throw pasta?

Don't make me get up

out of my chair!

Help me up out of this chair.

Lydia! What are you doing?

Mrs. Tripp:
Pasta everywhere.

Stop it!

Why are you not controlling

these students?

Teacher:

She could slip and fall,

and she is a pregnant woman.

This is not acceptable.

Bad on you, everyone!

(buzzing)

Jim:
I just don't think

you tried hard enough.

Compliments and flattery

are a very effective,

time-tested method.

(metal detector buzzing)

Okay, hold on a second here.

- Have you ever found anything?

- Doesn't matter...

It's relaxing.

Jim:
You just got to

give it a chance,

kind of like you

and Dale Carnegie.

Dad, you're not listening!

I need something else!

Like what?

Brass knuckles.

Brass knuckles?

Isn't that a little bit extreme?

Oh, look at this?

Oh! Look at that!

A glass bottle.

Probably used to store medicine

over 100 years ago.

My gift to you.

I don't want a bottle.

I wanna protect myself.

(Jim snoring)

(whales calling)

(whale calling continues)

(whale calls getting closer)

(whale calling continues)

- Jerry:
Ma'am?

- (screaming) Oh!

Sorry...

I'm so sorry.

Do you know what...?

What are these sounds?

Oh, that's whales.

Is my sound system too loud?

Oh, no!

I love mammals.

Sea mammals!

That's my thing too.

Jerry:
The mating call...

It gets real intense.

Right there.

(whale gurgling)

Real sexual, right?

- Sexual?

- Don't you think?

Oh, I don't know about that.

That's not why

I'm attracted to...

Mammals, sea mammals.

- Well, maybe it is.

- (whale call)

Sexual is everywhere.

Did you ever think about

how much fornicating

is going on...

in that little patch of grass

you're standing on right now?

- Grass?

- Jerry:
Uh-huh.

Oh, you saw me sleeping

on the lawn the other night?

I don't usually do that.

I'm normal.

Oh, that's okay.

It's okay.

You know, for a second,

I thought you were God.

You kind of have that look.

(giggling)

Are you an artist?

I give art lessons.

I have no talent.

You don't need talent.

You just need to feel it.

Yearning.

Yeah.

(chanting)

Teacher:
That was good.

Good job!

Now, the nabia, which is

right here below the nose,

is the weakest bone

in the whole body.

If you control

somebody's personal nabia,

you control them.

Volunteer?

- Man 1:
Take me.

- Man 2:
Over here.

Roger, come on up.

(teacher breathing deeply)

Okay.

Be a mugger.

(student groaning)

(fight noise)

Good.

You see that?

I won that there fight

with this!

Anybody can do it.

I didn't know

there was a personal nabia.

Hmm, me neither.

Think of how that knowledge

could come in handy.

Did you know that?

No.

Where are all the girls?

Not here.

They're not tough like you.

Now, Roger, I'm gonna have you

mug somebody else.

Oh, hi, Dixon family!

How you guys doing?

Good!

You guys called earlier?

Little girl getting bullied?

This one.

That's her?

Come on up, Aurala!

Why don't you give it a try!

I'm just a visitor.

There's no such thing as

visitors here in the dojo.

Okay? Now you come on up,

and you push on Roger's nabia.

- Go, go, go!

- Go on...

Come on!

Right. Stand right here.

Hands up.

Don't be afraid.

Okay, Roger.

Charge at her in slow motion.

Get your finger up.

Yeah, good.

Okay, here we go, ready?

Go for his nabia!

(groaning)

Way to go! Nice!

Get on back in there, Roger.

He got snot all over my finger.

Wipe it on your shorts.

(chanting)

This place smells like feet.

That's how men smell.

Should we talk about

how women smell?

It's not always potpourri.

Jeanne:
You know,

I think karate is great.

You can take

the first week for free.

Why quit before you start?

Yeah, hon, where's your courage?

I've got plenty of courage.

Where's yours?

Me? Courage is my middle name.

(Jeanne chuckles)

Oh wait, stop!

Isn't that a real salon?

Jim:
Right back there?

In this alley?

Wow!

"Permanent repair

and straightening"...

$60?

Ah, forget it!

It costs an arm and a leg!

- Dad, can I borrow 60 bucks?

- Jim:
Yeah, sure.

As soon as you show me

where the money tree is.

Well, I don't know

where the money tree is!

Neither do we!

- Let's look for it.

- I wonder where it could be.

(chuckles)

Oh, Aurelie...

I'd even take a money shrub

at this point.

Okay, everybody!

Round one of Scooter board

hockey is about to begin!

I want you to come up

and grab a bandana,

and tie it around your head!

Okay, if you were red last year,

grab a red.

If you were blue,

keep grabbing blue.

Boys, you up first, let's go.

Coach:
Settle down!

One at a time!

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