Pernicious

1

Here for the next month.

It's weird looking.

It's kind of weird.

Rocking boat.

God.

You have suitcases?

Thanks.

Could it be any hotter?

Ugh, it's gross.

I just got bit already.

So this is Thailand.

It looks amazing.

We're really out in the

sticks here, aren't we?

This is gonna be an

unforgettable experience.

Yeah, well, after a train ride

to a cab ride to a boat ride,

that was quite an

experience in itself.

Don't be such a sourpuss.

Come on, this place is huge.

Yeah, but the words freaky

and run down come to mind.

You know what, I'm just

relieved it's not a hut, OK?

Why would it be a hut?

It's Southeast Asia,

teaching children.

I expected a hut.

This isn't much better.

Come on, sis.

We're in Thailand.

We're saving the world.

Enjoy it.

All right, how about we just

go inside like normal people

would do?

OK, we're teaching small

children the alphabet.

We're not curing cancer.

Let's not get

ahead of ourselves.

Jeez.

What were you doing?

Nothing.

Just admiring that cool

dollhouse looking thing.

It's actually called

a spirit house,

and it's sacred in Thai culture.

How am I supposed to know that?

What's that supposed to mean?

Ah, Alex, ignorance

truly is bliss.

Wow, I'm so glad I'm

not related to you two.

Wait.

I don't get it.

OK.

Oh, come on.

What are you doing?

Stuck.

Probably because

it's a piece of crap.

Come on, let me see.

Uh.

Oh!

What do you know?

Not so ignorant after all, huh?

I swear, I'm gonna smack her

at some point this summer.

Well, wait until she's drunk

so it doesn't hurt as bad.

Love you Al, I swear.

OK.

Ugh.

Hey, don't judge a book

by its cover, right?

It's not completely unfortunate.

Wow, it's so old.

How old do you think?

Like, thousands of years?

I don't know.

See?

I told you it's amazing.

Just like the woman at

the housing office said.

I call dibs on the biggest room!

Noted.

Well, it only is fair, since

I never doubted the place.

Like I said, it's

not completely shitty.

You said unfortunate.

But I meant shitty.

OK, girls, do you want to

see the rest of the rooms?

I'm just going to remind

you guys that I called dibs.

I don't remember

that conversation.

Jules, do you remember anything

about a dibs being called?

Ah, uh-uh.

No.

You know, I... I don't

remember anything about that.

You guys are hilarious.

Sorry.

I don't know if we're

supposed to be up here.

I'm sure it's fine.

Ooh.

Guys, look at this.

Looks like traditional

Thai couch or something.

Comfy.

Whoa.

It looks really old.

Is that gold?

No way.

It's probably paint.

Look, it's chipping right there.

It's so cold.

It's really pretty.

Well, if it's an antique, you

shouldn't be touching it, Al.

You're right.

Really?

Uh, OK, I'm a little bit

creeped out by this, so let's

I don't want to be responsible

for breaking an ancient statue,

OK?

All right, girls,

what's the plan?

Now, we can go get food, go

to town, get tequila shots.

What?

Sleep.

OK.

Sleep it is.

Come on.

Oh, hey, baby.

Nice shirt.

What are you up to?

Just waking up.

Checking in on my little lover.

What time is it over there?

Noon.

Oh.

I see you're putting your

summer TAing off to good use.

Well, you know, the whole

reason I'm becoming a professor

is so I can have the summers

off, not have to wake

up at the crack of dawn.

I remember somebody

telling me Thailand

is an amazing and magical land.

So how are the sisters?

Crazy and crazier?

Hey guys.

What's for breakfast?

I'm starving.

What?

There's no food in this house.

Yep.

All we could find was this tea.

Hmm.

All right, then.

Who wants to go to town?

What the heck?

It's probably just the wind.

Sir?

Sir?

Are you OK?

He looks comatose.

Except he's standing.

Uh, hold on.

We don't speak Thai.

Oh.

Um.

Well, sorry to bother you.

Many apologies.

Is he OK?

Yeah.

Yeah.

He just likes to

wander off sometimes.

Again, very sorry.

Thank you.

Well, that was creepy.

But I'm hungry, so let's go.

Wow, someone's good

at compartmentalizing.

You have no idea.

Ooh, let's stop here for a sec.

I want to look at something.

Hmm.

Purses.

You don't even wear jewelry.

When in Rome.

Is this a dragon?

Oh, um, hello.

How much does this cost?

90 baht.

It's about $3.00 American.

What?

OK.

Um, Al, what do you

think of this bag?

Um, yeah, that bag...

that bag's cool, I think.

I guess.

OK.

I'll buy it.

So, girls, what's the

plan for tonight, huh?

I mean, we only have a week

before the work starts.

Thank you.

And by the work,

you mean helping

lovely, helpless little

children and the joy

that comes with that, right?

Yes, that is

exactly what I meant.

Mmhmm.

Yes.

What about you, Al?

Um, what?

The club.

I think those guys

are following us.

That's a weird subject change.

No, seriously.

I saw them when you

were buying your purse.

Hey, you guys want

something or what?

Yeah, right?

Oh, come on, Al.

Don't worry.

I'm sure they're harmless.

Whatever.

OK, so, um, change, thank you?

So, what's the vote?

Thank you.

Vote, vote?

Yeah, club sounds fun.

Tonight?

OK.

Yeah, we'll dance,

drink, make bad decisions.

It'll be like a Tuesday for you.

Oh, hilarious.

OK, I'm in, too, but

just as an observer,

because I have a boyfriend.

Well, all the more

reason to drink.

Uh-huh.

Lame.

I seriously think Shane

might propose soon.

Eew.

That sounds awful.

No, it's... it's a good thing.

Would you actually say yes?

We've been together four

years, so, you know.

Jeez.

I think my longest

relationship was...

does five weeks even count?

You guys ready

for another round?

Yeah.

Oh, we should get that big,

um, that fishbowl thing

with, like, the giant straws.

Yes!

Yes!

That sounds like a

hangover in a bucket.

That sounds like

a bucket of fun.

A bucket of fun?

Fine, fishbowl.

It sounds amazing, and

you're gonna love it.

Can we drink all that?

Of course.

You gonna let me

buy you a drink?

Oh, hello.

No, thank you, actually.

My girlfriends and I are

gonna do a fishbowl thing, so.

Hey, hey, please.

Let Colin take care of it.

Really not a problem.

Oh.

Did he just refer to

himself in the third person?

OK, Colin, I'm sorry, but

I'm just not interested.

I might be interested.

Rachel.

Where are you guys from?

America, right?

Yes.

Mm-hm.

I f***ing knew it.

What is it, go the Lakers, yeah?

Yes, I'm American

and I love the Lakers.

You're from Michigan.

Same thing.

What... what are

you, like, British?

Yeah, I'm London born and bred.

Gonna let me buy

you a drink or not?

No.

I'm just not interested.

Still there?

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The guy you just made

a d*ckhead out of.

Thanks for that.

Much appreciated.

Wow.

You're welcome!

Honestly, who was that?

Rachel, do you see his friends?

Yeah, they're super cute.

I like the mature gentleman.

No, those are the guys that

were following us earlier.

What?

Oh my gosh.

You guys are so bad.

It's dark in here.

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