Person to Person Page #2

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which detectives you encountered

and I'd try

to get ahold of them.

I'd say 50% of this job

is plain luck,

and today is your lucky day.

I happen to have a working

relationship with these guys.

- Okay.

- This is Ronnie.

Ronnie, this is Phil

from New York news.

Hi, Phil from the New York news.

Did I just see you

hiding out in your car?

Yes, you did.

Ronnie:
And is that

your new protg?

Yeah. So, where are

you guys headed?

Phil wants to know

where we're headed.

Darryl wants to know

why you wanna know.

Obviously because

we're reporting on the case.

Ronnie:
Well, Darryl thinks...

And I'd have to agree

that it's because then,

you'd have the opportunity

to impress your protg

with your fabulous connections

to the New York City

law enforcement.

It could be that.

Ronnie:
It's okay to admit it,

Phil.

If you're trying

to get laid here,

just admit it.

Yes, that's correct.

We're headed

to east Broadway and pike.

Thanks for calling.

Got the address

where they're headed.

Wow! You're really

good at this.

It's my job.

Melanie:
We have

leftover noodles.

Wendy:
I'm not hungry.

Melanie:
We have beer.

Okay.

Scott.

Melanie:

He has a beautiful penis.

- Impossible.

- Melanie:
Possible.

Very possible.

So possible, it's actually true.

The very basic look

and shape of the penis

dictates that they are

all, fundamentally,

every single one of them,

by nature, ugly.

Okay, I happen to like them,

and I happen to like

Scott's the best.

I mean, it's like

big and straight

- and soft and excited.

- Ew, no, you like it

because you like Scott,

but I don't care

if his penis looks like

a unicorn horn.

It's not a good-looking penis

because a good-looking

penis does not exist.

Vaginas are the ugly ones.

Wendy:

I agree that they're ugly,

but penises are uglier,

due to their inability

to be anything

other than ambitious.

Structurally, they're built

as weapons of penetration.

They're swords,

they're battering rams.

- Penis.

- God!

Now I'm gonna have...

I'm gonna have major

dick nightmares.

- Thanks a lot.

- All right, fine.

Is that better?

Is that vagina better?

- No.

- God, they had so much hair

in the '60s and '70s.

I mean...

God, look.

That is so much hair!

There's nothing wrong with that.

Melanie:
No, definitely not.

I mean, it's like a lot of hair.

That's actual jungles

up in there.

- Look at that.

- Can we like stop talking

about d*cks and Vaginas?

Yeah.

"Bird blows the blues."

Let me see what

kind of shape it's in.

Yeah, you're the only one

I'm calling.

If I say I won't sell it

to anybody else, Mickey...

Charlie Parker, of course.

I already told ya

I won't sell it to anybody else.

I'll pay you off.

All of it, I promise.

I got cash comin' for you today.

- Ray:
Hello?

- Hey, ray.

- You off the couch yet?

- Yeah.

What are you doing?

Um...

Walking across the room.

Benny:
Take a shower

and leave the house.

And don't forget

to clean the refrigerator.

Okay.

Okay. See you later.

- Woman:
Hey.

- Hey, there.

Woman:
Hi.

- Hey, I was thinking.

- Yo.

Let me take you out tonight.

I got money coming in.

- You available?

- Uh, yeah.

It's his dad's turn tonight.

I think I'm free.

All right,

we'll have some cheese.

- Mmm.

- Have some wine.

- Mmm.

- Some good food,

make a nice little spread.

Ooh. All right.

Make it real nice.

Okay. I'm all yours.

Oh, hey, this is Owen.

- Hi.

- This is Benny.

Hey.

Are you her boyfriend now?

I don't know, maybe.

Owen:
Do you love her?

Benny:
I can't tell you that.

You seem like the kind of kid

that would spread

that information.

I think she loves you.

Whoa.

Did she tell you that?

I mean, first, I wanted

to make it with somebody

who had been with Sinatra.

I mean, let's face it,

he's Sinatra.

And two, I wanted to see

if I was better, in bed.

So I ended up making it

with her for two weeks,

and after it was over, I said,

"well, you know, like,

how do I compare?"

She said

there was no-o-body

better than Sinatra.

That he would forever

be her greatest lover.

I got screwed up

over that for a year.

He was a powerful man.

He was a good singer.

Decent actor.

I wasn't so much

into his acting.

Man:

Baseball time from Fenway park

in Boston.

We're about to play

the Boston Red Sox

and, of course,

the Yankees send your way...

- Buster:
Hey, Jimmy!

- Radio:
Play-by-play.

Yours truly along for the ride.

Buster:
Jimmy, who's this?

"Let's go to Vegas

and break the law."

I don't know.

"Get on my jet to Vegas."

Married Mia, divorced Mia.

She did

"Rosemary's baby."

Yeah!

Screw Polanski.

Who's the owner?

Detective Ritz.

This is detective Yates.

We're with the

New York police department.

We want to ask you

a few questions.

Uh, in private, if possible.

Hello.

Uh, I'm with the New York news.

I was wondering

if I could speak with you

for a minute.

So, the two detectives

that came in here,

I'm assuming they told you

about the case

that they're investigating.

Said it was a, um...

Suicide, possibly a murder.

- They didn't know.

- They didn't...?

That was it?

Then they left?

That's all I'm comfortable

telling you.

Why would they come in here?

I mean, seems random.

Listen, I'm not good

with confrontation, okay?

I'm not a big fan of people

getting mad at me.

In general.

One of my favorite

cock killer songs is

"statutory adulthood."

Ralphie, our lead singer,

my best friend, my cousin,

all in one wonderful package,

writes the lyrics.

They go...

- Do you mind?

- No, okay.

"Fear is the rape of the mind.

Life is an illusion of time.

They want you to suffocate,

to think being

a slave's your fate.

The chains are your chains.

They key is in your pocket.

The pain is your pain.

Use the key

to unlock it."

So, you have

to get tough, Claire.

There might not be

any valuable information

in that clock shop, per se,

but you have to find out

if there is.

Go back in and pretend

you've figured something out.

Like what?

Pick one, the husband

or the widow.

Say you know one of them

is a customer.

Obviously, it'll work out

better if you're right,

but go with your instinct.

My instinct is to quit this job,

run away, and go home.

Okay, ignore your instinct.

Okay.

Hello?

Ray, this is Lester.

You mess with my sister?

Uh, what do you mean?

Lester:
Think I don't have

the Internet, ray?

You think Janet doesn't have it?

I... it's the Internet.

We have it.

I love your sister.

I'd never do anything

to hurt her.

Lester:
Ray, you put naked

pictures of Janet

on the Internet.

Yeah, you hurt her.

You hurt her bad, and, now,

she can't leave the house

because she's so afraid.

Because of you, some very gross

and disturbing people

are looking at naked

pictures of my sister

- on the Internet.

- I was in a very bad

emotional place last week,

actin' like a crazy person.

I shouldn't have did that.

Lester:
Well, you did.

How can we fix the problem?

First thing you do is let

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