Petulia Page #2

3 EXT. BUS TERMINAL

All we see is the wheel of a car resting on the back of a small boy, pinning him to the ground and people shocked, not knowing what to do.

ARCHIE'S

VOICE:
Well, stay then.

4 PETULIA'S IMAGE ENDS AND WE ARE BACK IN THE GRAND BALLROOM

PETULIA:
Archie, why do you play this dumb game? This crappy pretense at resisting the beautiful lady? You're bloody lucky I'm even talking to you. How many kids do you have besides fat Mike?

ARCHIE:
Actually, only one besides Mike.

PETULIA:
Meet you outside.

5 EXT. DREAM MOTEL–NIGHT

A motel sign:
"Dream Motel." A concrete oval, spiralling up four floors. You drive to your room and everything is geared to get you to bed electronically. But you must have a car, and Petulia and Archie have come by cab. Archie is paying the cabbie.

PETULIA:
(to cabbie) You mustn't take it personal. (she Indicates the "No Cabs" sign) Lucky we don't have luggage.

ARCHIE:
Does this trouble you?

PETULIA:
A little.

ARCHIE:
I suggested my place.

PETULIA:
I'd always imagined a tourist cabin, with paper thin walls, the sounds of a man from Tennessee in the cabin next door, sobbing endlessly, "Maude, Maude, Maude!"

Archie sees a car moving through the processes of registration. Grabbing Petulia's hand, he starts to what is presumably the entrance—at least it is the bottom of the ramp. They arrive at the booth and Archie steps on the place marked ‘Stand Here.' A T.V. screen lights up.

MAN ON TV:
Evenin'. Where's your auto?

Archie nods for Petulia to see the T.V. camera which is scanning them.

PETULIA:
Lost in a hailstorm this side of Pocatello, Idaho. Those hailstones really came down, didn't they, Zeke?

MAN ON TV:
No auto?

ARCHIE:
No auto.

MAN ON TV:
It's a problem.

ARCHIE:
Only if we make it one.

PETULIA:
Do you have any slides or swings for children?

MAN ON TV:
No, ma'am. You got kids?

PETULIA:
No, no. I was told to be suspicious of motels which cater to the family trade.

MAN ON TV:
This isn't that sort of place. No auto. Well ...

There is a small sound and a gadget reaches out which normally would fasten to the side of the car, On it is an electronic register, an electronic pen and a key with a great metal tag (as an example of how this might be designed, I recommend visiting a drive-in bank in Los Angeles). As Archie registers, and puts the ten dollar bill where it belongs, Petulia looks at the T.V. set.

PETULIA:
You've got a very nice T.V. face.

MAN ON TV:
Thank you, ma'am.

PETULIA:
You have to use pancake make-up things like that?

MAN ON TV:
(a slight giggle) No, just be natural.

Archie has finished registering and takes the keys.

MAN ON TV:
We've got an elevator but it's just for going out for the paper and the like. I mean when you don't want to take the car. You'll have to use the ramp because of the key. It lets you know when you get to your room.

6 INT. RAMP

Archie and Petulia start up ramp.

It's a long dark run and they are soon winded.

ARCHIE:
(gasping) Charming ...

PETULIA:
(gasping) It shouldn't be charming. You're missing the whole point. It should be menacing.

Another couple, in a proper car, rushes by. There is a blaze of headlights, and a rush of sound.

PETULIA:
...gray... terribly distraught... headlights of passing cars lighting up our room... (Archie tugs at her, and gasps.) ... a police car careening down the highway, sirens going full blast. And I plunge madly into your arms ...

But she is now totally winded and cannot say another word. Archie reacts to a sudden phenomena: a tiny light on the key in his hand starts flicking on and off furiously. Just ahead of him is the door of their motel room. Archie is aghast at the pulsating key.

ARCHIE:
(plaintively) My apartment's only four blocks from here ...

7 INT. DREAM MOTEL ROOM

Stark is hardly the word but it will have to do. A control panel takes care of the drapes, T.V., stereo, announcements from the office, etc., etc., etc. There are mirrors everywhere and the first thing Petulia does is establish contact between the vanity mirror, the mirror on the bathroom door and the medicine cabinet mirror so that she is reflected endlessly.

PETULIA:
You have 624 women in this room and I'm still counting.

Archie moves behind her and begins unbuttoning the top buttons on the back of her dress.

PETULIA:
(harshly) Just wait a minute, okay?

Archie plops on the bed in his coat, a most ironic senile on his face -- he is beginning to suspect he is not going to get laid. Petulia is examining all the Petulia faces in the mirrors.

PETULIA:
My great-grandmother is ninety-one and still has a granite chin.

Archie pushes a gadget beside the bed and it begins to vibrate. Petulia sees endless Archies vibrating on endless beds.

PETULIA:
What a lecherous lot.

ARCHIE:
She's ninety-ones eh?

PETULIA:
But no fun.

ARCHIE:
Not at ninety-one, hell ...

PETULIA:
She stopped having fun at twenty-eight when her husband was killed in the first war, in a trench looking just like Cary Grant with a waxed moustache. She can't remember him but she does remember Cary Grant because he is from Bristol, too, and often in the news. If his picture is in the paper he gets a waxed moustache whether he likes it or not.

She turns to face Archie. She is afraid and she is angry and she doesn't know quite what to do from one moment to the next. But she knows he shouldn't be in an overcoat jiggling on a jiggling bed.

PETULIA:
Stop being so damn casual.

Archie sits up but is still casual.

PETULIA:
We're about to become lovers. Did you bring an instrument, Archie?

ARCHIE:
Eh?

PETULIA:
Ring for room service. Ask the robot for something splendid and musical.

ARCHIE:
Saxophone? Electric Organ? Tuba?

PETULIA:
A tuba. Absolutely! Bless you, Archie! A tuba! Something large and twirly and pom to porn pom! Archie, this is an event. We are about to become lovers.

ARCHIE:
You said that.

PETULIA:
It can't be said often enough.

ARCHIE:
Are we?

PETULIA:
Are we what?

ARCHIE:
About to become lovers?

PETULIA:
No.

ARCHIE:
Ah, you swinging young marrieds.

He leaves.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes