Petulia Page #7

34 EXT. STEPS OF ARCHIE'S APARTMENT–DAY

Petulia waits on the steps. When she is not being observed, when she is not "on," there are moments when Petulia seems utterly forlorn. This is such a moment. But then she sees Archie and May and instantly she is "with it."

ARCHIE:
Well of all people.

PETULIA:
All that crap about the humanitarianism of the medical profession.

She darts alongside the building and begins frantically calling to a little old man in white duck pants and an "aloha" hat. May looks at Archie questioningly.

ARCHIE:
Don't ask.

Petulia and the old man are back joining Archie and May on the steps.

PETULIA:
(accusingly) Archie, this is Mr. Howard,

MR. HOWARD:
I was looking at the foundation. Once in a while you find one from before the earthquake. It's a thrill, believe you me.

Petulia resents any sense of cordiality at this particular time.

PETULIA:
Mr. Howard is the watchman for the "Friends of the Evergreen." Or was.

ARCHIE:
The tuba.

PETULIA:
No wonder people are becoming cynical about doctors.

ARCHIE:
I tried to return it. The place was locked.

MR. HOWARD:
No harm done.

PETULIA:
I didn't expect this of you, Archie.

ARCHIE:
I tried to return the tuba Friday night!

MR. HOWARD:
It's O.K.

PETULIA:
(accusingly, to Archie) The "Friends of the Evergreen" are very proud of their brass band.

MR. HOWARD:
All's well that ends well.

PETULIA:
Stay out of this, Mr. Howard.

She sees May watching all this with wry amusement.

PETULIA:
I'm Petulia Danner. I'm sorry about this.

35. INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT– DAY

Mr. Howard is casually testing the valves on the tuba.

MR. HOWARD:
She said there was this elderly lady whose first husband used to play tuba with John Phillip Sousa. She said it would cheer her up and make her want to live. She gave me five bucks.

ARCHIE:
(looking at Petulia) All that broken glass ...

MR. HOWARD:
(finished with the tuba) It's okay.

Archie crosses to the front door and opens it.

ARCHIE:
Goodbye, Mr. Howard. Goodbye, Petulia.

Petulia crosses to Mr. Howard and presses a dollar bill into his shirt pocket.

PETULIA:
Take a taxi. You can at least say you're sorry, Archie.

ARCHIE:
I'm sorry, Mr. Howard. Goodbye, Petulia.

But Petulia just sits on the edge of a chair tapping her fingers in annoyance. Mr. Howard leaves. The door remains open for Petulia to leave. May watches Petulia in amused tolerance.

ARCHIE:
What's the next move, Petulia?

PETULIA:
I'd like to discuss your irresponsibility.

People are passing in the hallway, peering in.

ARCHIE:
Goodbye, Petulia.

He advances on her, somewhat threateningly.

PETULIA:
My rib.

Archie slams the door shut, gets a bottle and a couple of glasses, pointedly, excluding Petulia.

ARCHIE:
I should explain about Petulia. She is a kook. We are going to be married.

PETULIA:
Archie, when you try to sound cool and "with it," you're really pathetic. Were trying to have an intelligent conversation...

ARCHIE:
About what?

PETULIA:
Well, about Polo, among other things.

ARCHIE:
Polo is none of your damned business.

PETULIA:
That's dumb. Dumb. She's my business and she's this lady's business. I happen to hate Polo.

ARCHIE:
(to May) Needless to say she's never even met Polo.

PETULIA:
I look at you and I know Polo. (to May) Explain that to him.

May looks at Archie in bewilderment, she is not quite sure how to react; but when she makes up her mind it will be the exactly right reaction. Also, in all truth, Petulia is frightened by May.

PETULIA:
How many years were you married, Archie? Eight? Ten? Anyhow, the best. Wasted. Gone down the drain.

ARCHIE:
Oh, come on ...

PETULIA:
Archie, we are from two different worlds. We've got nothing to agree on. Except one thing. You're a lonely screwed up mess. Archie, I'm trying to save you. You're a very special man.

ARCHIE:
Oh, God.

PETULIA:
Tell him, May.

Petulia doesn't like May's amused reaction.

PETULIA:
You don't think so?

MAY:
I won't put Archie on a pedestal. He'll do.

PETULIA:
(angry) You've got yourself another winner, Archie.

MAY:
(to Archie) It's a joke, you're both putting me on.

ARCHIE:
Petulia. I mean it. Tubas. All this "I Love Lucy" jazz. It's only cute for awhile.

PETULIA:
It's not meant to be cute. I tin fighting for your life.

ARCHIE:
Who's trying to kill me?

MAY:
The two million, five hundred thousand subscribers to the "Ladies Home Journal" ... right, dear?

ARCHIE:
Petulia, go home and save what's his name. I really don't want to see you anymore.

Archie's voice is cold. Petulia is suddenly defeated, mostly by May. She gets up and leaves.

36 INT. HOSPITAL–NIGHT

It's after 3 a.m. and Archie is hollow-eyed and drenched with sweat from an emergency operation. He is with a patient in the recovery room, obviously concerned about the patient's chances. He crosses to a sink, bathes his face and hands with cold water. He is exhausted. As we sometimes glimpse Petulia when no one else is looking and see beyond the kookiness, so for an instant we see beyond Archie's look of professional assurance and see the fearful uncertainty. He now moves into the corridor, with each step assuming the doctor's look that is expected of him.

PETULIA'S

VOICE:
Hi.

Archie turns. Petulia is in the medical library with books scattered all about her.

ARCHIE:
You're kidding.

PETULIA:
I think I've discovered a cure for cancer.

ARCHIE:
Well, if you're on the brink of something. How did they let you in?

She joins him.

PETULIA:
You look exhausted.

ARCHIE:
Do you know it's almost three? Doesn't Mr. Danner worry at all about things like that?

Petulia looks at him reverently.

PETULIA:
(tenderly) Look at you.

Archie is so unaccustomed to hearing a straight line from Petulia that her tone and look of tenderness stop him for a moment. Then, without a word, they fall into step beside each other, leaving the hospital.

37 EXT. PARKING LOT NIGHT

At this time of night hardly a car remains. Archie's car is quite by itself,

ARCHIE:
Shall I drop you off? (she doesn't answer) It's too late for the bus.

She gets in.

38 INT. CAR

ARCHIE:
Petulia, you've got to stop following me around like this.

Petulia is absolutely silent but her eyes are devouring him with infinite tenderness which Archie is finding very touching. It is a facet of Petulia he has never seen before.

ARCHIE:
Where to? I could use a steak sandwich. There's a jazz joint that stays open all night.

He reaches to start the car just as she grabs at him, awkwardly, aggressively.

ARCHIE:
(surprised) Hey, come on... why this sudden ... ?

Petulia is relentless and voracious. Her hands and mouth are everywhere on Archie. A car is a lousy bedroom but it will have to do. Heads bump against windows, elbows jam against steering wheels, but Petulia will not be stopped. Finally, Archie grips her shoulders and forces her to stop.

ARCHIE:
No.

PETULIA:
Yes.

ARCHIE:
Not here.

39 INT. SUPERMARKET–PRE-DAWN

Though the streets outside are deserted, the supermarket is jammed with people. Archie is pushing a market basket already piled high with groceries while Petulia keeps finding things to buy. Archie knows that Petulia is going through this massive shopping spree simply to get even for his rejection of the moment she chose to make love.

ARCHIE:
I'm not really hungry.

PETULIA:
I'm starving.

ARCHIE:
Am I being punished?

PETULIA:
Loganberry jam—we'll have a case.

ARCHIE:
I'd rather have a new plastic raincoat.

PETULIA:
You don't save anything on plastic raincoats.

ARCHIE:
Shall I get another cart? Polo can fill three or four when she really puts her mind to it.

Petulia gets the point and instantly takes her place in the long line before the cashier.

WOMAN:

SHOPPER:
(as if it's Petulia's fault) You know what time it is? It's after five.

PETULIA:
I'm sorry.

WOMAN:

SHOPPER:
I want to go to bed.

PETULIA:
So do we.

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