Petulia Page #6

31 INT. DANNER HOUSE NIGHT

David is on the phone and Petulia has just entered. David hangs up the phone.

PETULIA:
Hi.

DAVID:
You okay?

PETULIA:
Great.

She stops. She waits for a moment, wondering if the scene she imagined on the bus is now going to occur. Will David now say, "Just for a second there ...?"

DAVID:
Come on, let's eat. Morrie finally got a shipment of Dungeness crab.

PETULIA:
About time.

DAVID:
Well, poor guy. They had all that trouble.

David crosses to the dining area. And that's that.

32 INT. ARCHIE1S APARTMENT–NIGHT

POLO:
Not right away. Hers also divorced. There's alimony ... child support ... It looks absolutely obscene.

Archie sees her looking at his bed,

ARCHIE:
(annoyed) So the kids like him, eh?

POLO:
Adore him.

ARCHIE:
How about that?

POLO:
Don't you have maid service?

ARCHIE:
(suddenly) What the hell are you doing bringing me cookies!

He flings the bag at her, barely missing her. They are both stunned by this outburst.

POLO:
(shakily) Well ... this is a new side of your nature. For two people who never fight ...

Absently, Polo sags down on the edge of the unmade bed, which has so fascinated her. During the following, no matter what their bodies happen to be doing, Polo and Archie continue to speak in a most logical manner.

ARCHIE:
What's so great about not fighting?

POLO:
I came to tell you about Warren.

ARCHIE:
You told me about Warren.

He sits beside her, well not really beside her, actually as far away from her as the bed will permit. She decides she will instantly get up off the bed, but she does not.

ARCHIE:
(continuing) Warren is working for his master's in hydraulics.

Polo knows she shouldn't smile at Archie making fun of Warren, but she does. Archie touches her smile with his finger, then his hand moves across her face, to the back of her neck. It is a clumsy gesture and they clumsily sprawl on the bed.

POLO:
Well, In afraid well still need all the money you pay me. And I'll be seeing him, Archie ...

2A INT. POLO'S BEDROOM

It's a nice enough room, which makes what she says later quite absurd. She and Warren are preparing for bed—already in a boring ritualistic fashion; she with curlers in her hair, he hanging his trousers on a hanger.

POLO'S

VOICE:
(continuing) .. at the house. I mean until Warren and I get married, which won't be ...

32B. INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT

By now, entirely out of habit, Archie's hand has pushed up Polo's shirt, as he continues the sex ritual. Wholly out of habit, Polo lets him. Their bodies, old friends for so long, and once having been lovers, simply ignore whatever tripe their mouths happen to be saying.

POLO:
(continuing) ... until he is established with some hydraulics firm. I hope it won't be too long, I mean for everybody's sake.

ARCHIE:
If he's a bright guy, he'll make out okay.

POLO:
Needless to say there are certain problems.

By now, Archie is on top of Polo, and out of habit she is adjusting her body for him.

POLO:
He lives in such a depressing, rented room. It gives me claustrophobia.

ARCHIE:
Poor Polo.

POLO:
It's such an icky little room.

Archie is, perhaps, two seconds away from entering Polo, when he suddenly sits up, wondering what the hell he's been doing. He walks to the far side of the room, sticks his shirt in, wipes the sleeve of his shirt across his face. Polo feels no particular rancor, the entire thing was totally unplanned, and she has no more desire to "make it" with Archie than he has with her. She pulls down her skirt and adjusts her garters.

ARCHIE:
Tell the kids I'll come for them Sunday at eight.

POLO:
They'll be ready. I thought the decent thing was to come here and talk in a civilized manner. About the change in my situation.

ARCHIE:
I appreciate it, Polo.

POLO:
Good night, Archie.

ARCHIE:
You've got a run in your stocking.

Polo exits, Archie can't figure out why in the world he even thought of making love to Polo after all this time. He sits down on the unmade bed, finds one of Polo's cookies on the sheets, and pops it into his mouth.

33. EXT. TEA GARDEN–DAY

It's a busy Saturday and everything is lovely. A LARGE GUARD with a bull horn is keeping people moving on the Japanese bridge, Many soldiers on pass, a few hippies, but mostly just tourists.

LARGE:

GUARD:
(with bull horn) Now you folks keep moving along that bridge. You keep moving along and give other folks a chance. There's lots of pretty things to do. You keep moving right along. You won't want to forget our Niponese souvenir pagoda where every item is the real McCoy. That's right. Keep moving, that's the ticket. Sergeant, you've been standing there some time now.

During this, MAY and Archie talk. May's 32 and pretty. It's a nice day but Archie is not happy. Polo, Warren, maybe Petulia, mostly it's kind of a lousy day to be a bachelor. He and May have been sitting on the grass. Gracefully she rises to her feet, doing everything just right, even this. She puts away her portable martini kit.

ARCHIE:
Nobody in the world can sit on the grass and not wrinkle.

She looks.

ARCHIE:
No, perfect. Not even a blade of grass. Why don't I marry you, May?

MAY:
Why don't you, Archie?

They walk along holding hands. Archie should feel better than he does.

ARCHIE:
Tell me about Bobby Kennedy,

She looks at him, smiling.

ARCHIE:
(shrugging) Picasso? Pickles?

She smiles tolerantly as they walk along.

ARCHIE:
Choose a subject. Ice cubes. Any damn thing. Take either side. Talk for thirty seconds against ice cubes.

MAY:
(easily) Why the hostility, Archie?

ARCHIE:
That dress shop of yours. "Boutique." I've never seen one of those ... your rubber mannequins ... I've never once seen the pipe sticking out of their bottoms. Not once, not one damn time. That bothers me, May.

May stops. She doesn't know whether to be annoyed or amused. She's a little of both.

ARCHIE:
I'm not hostile, it's frustration. In all that perfection, how could a clumsy clot like me possibly be fitted in? I mean, without spoiling the whole effect.

They have now reached the area of the stunted trees. Nuns are passing through empty benches; kids are improvising on the stage and shouting.

MAY:
Don't worry about it. You'll be going back to Polo.

ARCHIE:
No, she's found a fellah.

MAY:
Oh.

She watches the kids for a moment,

MAY:
I'd just about given up on you.

ARCHIE:
What I should do is marry you.

For May this has been said once too often. She is now thoroughly annoyed.

MAY:
Archie, if it would please you, I'll submit a list of my faults, some of which might shake you up a bit.

ARCHIE:
It would be a fake list.

MAY:
Probably. It wouldn't be a fake list. Actually, I wear arch supports, my depilatory causes a nasty little rash, and I've lost 10% of my hearing in less than a year ... Okay?

ARCHIE:
Okay!

They laugh, kiss, grab at each other, and hurry toward the parking lot for Archie's car.

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