Petulia Page #5

22 INT. A DECOMPRESSION OPERATING ROOM

This is a really glorified pressure chamber where a complete atmosphere is created to suit whatever surgery is going on. The patient can no longer be seen, He is draped in plastic which creates a sub-atmosphere. The doctors and nurses are swathed in plastic, again in the atmosphere that lets them function best, (This is for real. It exists, for instance, at Mt. Sinai Hospital in New York.) The doctors and nurses communicate with each other through throat mikes and seem like other world automatons. In all this the patient simply does not exist. The colors are eerie yellows and blues with only occasionally and very impersonally the red of blood.

BARNEY'S

VOICE:
(he never listens) It's still better than being out there in the dark, all by your goddam lonesome! Nobody has a life anymore. Quicksand. It scares me. What do you want, Archie?

23 INTO DOCTOR'S GYM

Archie and Barney are in a white cubicle playing handball. Their dialogue, of course, continues.

ARCHIE:
(gasping) I don't know what I want. To feel something.

BARNEY:
(gasping) That's no answer! Archie, grow up!

The ball comes whizzing at Barney who suddenly wants it to hit him, which it does.

BARNEY:
Archie, what am I going to do about Wilma?

24 EXT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT–LATE AFTERNOON

Archie has just parked his car and is going toward the entrance, when he sees Petulia sitting on a bus-stop bench, the tuba beside her. She is dozing.

ARCHIE:
(softly) Hey, you.

She opens her eyes, smiles.

PETULIA:
I'm drunk.

ARCHIE:
It's the stuff Barney gave you.

PETULIA:
I'm drunk.

ARCHIE:
I'll drive you home.

PETULIA:
Thank you, I'll take the bus.

ARCHIE:
Don't be silly.

PETULIA:
Don't pry, Archie.

ARCHIE:
How'm I prying?

PETULIA:
I'll go home by bus.

ARCHIE:
If I were prying, I would ask you how you broke your rib. Right?

PETULIA:
You fall on a tuba and you break your rib. Right.

ARCHIE:
Wrong. The rib was broken hours before your fall.

During this the bus comes to a stop. Petulia rises shakily to board it but she can't go through the entrance with the tuba,

BUS DRIVER:
Anytime you're ready, Lady.

ARCHIE:
I'll keep it for you.

PETULIA:
It has to be returned. "Friends of the Evergreen."

Archie looks blank.

PETULIA:
It's a lodge. In Chinatown. On Grant. Ask for Mr. Howard.

The bus driver really leans on his horn to make everything charming.

ARCHIE:
(shouting above horn) Petulia, take a cab!

PETULIA:
(shouting above horn) Don't pry, Archie!

She groggily enters the bus, leaving the tuba in Archie's arms.

25 INT. BUS

Petulia takes a seat at an open window. The bus is now stopped for a moment more by the traffic light. Petulia, under the best of circumstances doesn't make much sense, and now she's quite groggy.

PETULIA:
Will you remember that? "Friends of the Evergreen."

ARCHIE:
Petulia, where are you going?

PETULIA:
Mr. Howard. Tell him I'm sorry I goofed. Archie, you know something? The tuba makes you look ten years younger, and you'know Thingy

The bus starts with a jolt and Petulia winces in pain.

26 INT. DANNER HOUSE KITCHEN

Petulia is wincing with pain as she puts groceries on the shelf. David is watching her, concerned.

DAVID:
Petulia?

PETULIA:
Hi.

DAVID:
You okay?

PETULIA:
Uh huh.

DAVID:
Sure?

PETULIA:
Of course.

DAVID:
Just before—

PETULIA:
I'm fine.

DAVID:
—for a split second there—

PETULIA:
I'm okay.

DAVID:
.., I thought maybe you—

PETULIA:
David.

Somehow or other we begin to sense that madness has entered what is really a commonplace scene. Something has gone wrong and we can't for the life of us understand what and before we can even guess, we are:

27 INT. BUS

Petulia is still in the bus and we realize she has imagined the foregoing. She gets off the bus.

28 EXT. THE VERY MODEST OFFICES OF THE "FRIENDS OF THE EVERGREEN"–DAY

The sign on the door identifies this as a fraternal organization, founded in 1886 for the betterment of man, but the door is securely padlocked for the night. Archie stands there, holding the tuba and feeling stupid. Haplessly, he returns to his car and begins stowing the tuba inside, banging it against his nose in the process. He is a far from happy man.

29 EXT./INT. A CLUTTERED, MEAN LITTLE KITCHEN IN A SLUM HOUSE— DAY

Petulia is filling the noisy old electric ice box with milk, ice cream and fresh fruit. A man enters from another room. He is a big, sleepy-eyed Mexican. He has just awakened, is wearing his pajama bottoms and is hairy, sweaty and fat. Petulia obviously knows the man, nods hello, to which the man answers a non-committal grunt. He squeezes past Petulia to drink from the sink. He sticks his head under the tap.

PETULIA:
(she speaks slowly because he doesn't understand English) I came by to make sure there was enough milk and things.

He finds the situation amusing, reaching in past Petulia to grab an orange. There should be a feeling of a possible relationship between Petulia and this man. In the next room a screen door opens and closes. Petulia closes the ice box door and we and she see Oliver and the Woman standing in the doorway.

30 INT. ARCHIE'S APARTMENT–NIGHT

Archie is doing research at a desk. Working from notes, he is talking into a tape recorder about new techniques in the treatment of arthritis that would not require surgery. This is a moment to glimpse Archie as a thoughtful man. There are a couple of beer bottles nearby. The bed is still unmade. The tuba stands in the corner.

The front doorbell rings and Archie crosses over to let in his wife, Polo, a very attractive young matron.

Polo looks about the apartment dubiously, from tuba to unmade bed. She can't keep her eyes off the unmade bed.

ARCHIE:
(after awhile) Hi, Polo.

POLO:
It's very nice.

Archie looks at her questioningly.

POLO:
I've never been here before. It's very nice.

ARCHIE:
Thanks.

POLO:
It's strange, coming into your husband's bachelor apartment for the first time. Feels slightly illegal. Is that a tuba?

ARCHIE:
That's a tuba.

POLO:
Make a marvelous lamp.

ARCHIE:
You just had to say it.

POLO:
Predictable Polo.

ARCHIE:
"Predictable Polo." Has a certain zing. How're the kids?

POLO:
Looking forward to the weekend. Lest I forget ...

She opens her large handbag, takes out a cellophane bag of cookies.

POLO:
As usual, I baked enough for an army.

ARCHIE:
Okay.

POLO:
This is very strange. I didn't think I'd feel like this. Mostly sad.

Archie's sad, too, therefore he is more brusque than necessary. Also he is bugged by the cookies.

ARCHIE:
You need anything, Polo?

POLO:
No. Well, yes. Well, yes and no.

ARCHIE:
(smiling) I think that covers all the possibilities.

Polo laughs, suddenly they share a moment of warmth.

POLO:
It's such a puzzle. We really got on so marvelously. Never fought. Never screamed at each other. Not once.

Something in his silence, plus that damned unmade bed, is beginning to make her angry.

POLO:
Everybody we knew envied us.

ARCHIE:
We were a handsome couple.

This makes her so angry she can now say what she came to say.

POLO:
I think I've fallen in love. The man is Warren Smith. He's an engineer and very good with the children, but he wants to go back to school and get his masters in hydraulics. (very long pause) Well, say something.

ARCHIE:
(blandly) I think that's fine, Polo.

POLO:
(mildly) Go to hell.

The phone begins ringing. Archie crosses to it.

ARCHIE:
Hello? (no answer) Hello?

POLO:
We're going to be married.

ARCHIE:
Great. (into phone) Hello?

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