Petulia Page #4

17 INT. HOSPITAL

We are in the examining room of the orthopedic ward. Archie is working on OLIVER, the little Mexican boy of seven whom we have seen earlier as a bloody mess in the flashback. Now, Oliver is healing nicely, but it's still not pleasant to be examined. A woman hovers in the back- ground. A nurse assists Archie. Oliver is a brave, solemn little boy, with shadows of fatigue around his eyes. He is also a tough little bastard, let me tell you. He is now wearing the broken gold watch; though to fit his skinny wrist the band has been tied in a knot.

ARCHIE:
I want him here every day. For therapy.

WOMAN:
Si. Yes, doctor, I do,

Oliver speaks only a few words of English, mostly the necessary scatological and sexual phrases that would be necessary in his line of business,

ARCHIE:
Every day. Tell him that.

The woman says it to Oliver in Spanish. Oliver says something, obviously obscene.

ARCHIE:
What'd he say?

WOMAN:
(embarrassed) He say yes.

ARCHIE:
(dubiously, to woman) You sure? (to Oliver) Otherwise we keep you in the hospital. You're not well, just better. (to woman) Say that.

The woman tells Oliver in Spanish as Archie continues examining the leg.

ARCHIE:
Sorry, pal.

Oliver says something in Spanish.

WOMAN:
(smiling a bit) Where he learn such words ... shame on you. (then in Spanish) Shame.

Archie realizes Oliver is in great pain and close to tears. He stops the examination and rubs his hand gently through the kid's hair.

ARCHIE:
Every day. Same time. Two o'clock, right on the dot. (he hits watch on wrist. The last bit of glass falls out.) Sorry ...

Oliver swears in Spanish and the woman clacks her tongue.

WOMAN:
(embarrassed) He terrible.

ARCHIE:
(chuckling) I like the way he heals.

Archie smiles and leaves. The nurse is left with Oliver who avoids her touch.

NURSE:
Cut that out, you little spic.

18 INT. CORRIDOR

Archie stops to hear what the woman has to say.

WOMAN:
About the bill, Doctor.

Barney is passing by.

ARCHIE:
Is she okay?

BARNEY:
(darkly) Lunch.

Archie looks up at the woman.

ARCHIE:
His leg will be fine. Don't worry too much about the bill. Just enough to pay it.

WOMAN:
I have money to pay it.

A pipe-smoking public relations man leads a casually dressed group past Archie and the woman.

PUBLIC:

RELATIONS:

MAN:
Yeah, we had ABC filming a documentary. here last week ...

19 INT. THE ROARING 20'S CAFÉ–DAY.

All through the scene Barney and Archie will be served by topless waitresses while other topless waitresses slide down a big brass pole in the centre of the room. As the scene begins Barney is alone, morosely munching a corned beef sandwich. Now Archie appears, threading his way through topless fashion show. A topless ANNOUNCER is doing the fashion commentary into a chrome microphone, as the topless models majestically move about.

ANNOUNCER:
(no fashion cliché untouched) Springtime in Paree. Our elegante dinner pajamas. In airy aquamarine chiffon and Mediterranean blue peau de sole. Delightfully carefree, yet formal enough for an ambassadorial reception at the Palace of Versailles.

BARNEY:
"Screw you, Wilma," Why didn't you tell me?

ARCHIE:
How is she?

BARNEY:
You tell me.

ARCHIE:
Oh, great, terrific, you wouldn't believe it, Terrific. And her rib?

BARNEY:
I taped it. Gave her some Seconal. Should have a vertical just to be safe.

A waitress hovers ...

ARCHIE:
Why do we have to eat topless?

BARNEY:
The best Irish stew in town.

He is eating a corned beef sandwich. Archie is ordering the same.

BARNEY:
She said you beat her up. Kidding, of course.

Archie bites into his sandwich with small enthusiasm. Breasts with their pasties always intrude.

BARNEY:
You must have been a little rough on her, daddy.

The second model, a beautiful topless Negress, is now wandering past the tables. The announcer goes on and on.

ANNOUNCER:
Opening Night at the Opera. Though the curtain has risen on the first act of Aida, all eyes are on the Royal Box. Mi Lady in dazzling velvet: Cardinal Richelieu Rouge. The utter simplicity of her full-length gown is subtly accented by the merest suggestion of gay abandon.

Archie eats his sandwich. An off-duty topless waitress sits in the corner having lunch, holding a napkin over her bosom with one hand, while eating with the other.

BARNEY:
Archie ..?

ARCHIE:
Barney ..?

BARNEY:
(uneasily) You know how long I've known you?

ARCHIE:
Forever?

BARNEY:
That's how long. And Polo and the kids. That's exactly how long.

Another silence. Archie is watching the brass pole. Every other girl sliding down looks like Petulia. Archie accepts his hallucination with mild pleasure. Barney will not be stopped.

BARNEY'S

VOICE:
So I have a right to my opinion! It's breaking Wilma's heart! That's all we talk about. You think you're different than anybody else? Every time I leave my house it's the last time, I'm never coming back. You're not listening to me, Archie.

ARCHIE'S

VOICE:
Barney, for Chrissake, I'm listening to you.

BARNEY'S

VOICE:
You're thinking about that hot cat in your bed, you bastard.

Now, in the continuous luncheon fashion show, the "Psychedelic Yvonne" has appeared, topless amid a wild pattern of lights. The dialogue between Barney and Archie continues elsewhere as the orgy of colors becomes:

20 INT. HOSPITAL

The left side of a patient's face and the right shoulder and arm of the patient's body are sprayed with a special liquid which instantly dries a violent blue and then very quickly starts changing into all the colors of the rainbow. These various colors indicate physical conditions. They are watched, measured, and timed by Archie, Barney and their assistants.

BARNEY'S

VOICE:
My record is far from spotless, if you don't know that, who does? But baby, it's just not the answer, not at our age.

ARCHIE'S

VOICE:
So what's the answer, baby?

BARNEY'S

VOICE:
Someplace you can belch without saying excuse me!

ARCHIE'S

VOICE:
I can do that in the steam room at the YMCA.

BARNEY'S

VOICE:
(going right on) And if a little monkey business comes along, whose gonna throw rocks? You and Polo were a marvellous looking couple.

21 INT. HOSPITAL LEAD ROOM

The patient is in a lead room being scanned by an atomic computer. The activator moves in a rhythmic, graceful pattern over the patient's drab, withered body. In the control area Archie and Barney listen to the strange sounds emanating from the computer, each sound again indicating a physical condition. The patient's room looks like a comfy hotel room: wood paneling, couches, magazines, plants. The door leading to outside is three inches thick and solid lead. The noise from the equipment is deafening.

BARNEY'S

VOICE:
Is there something wrong with being a groovy looking couple? People turning around to stare? What was it, Archie? The sex bit? Huh? The ole sex bit.

ARCHIE'S

VOICE:
Barney, what would you say if I told you that one day I just got very tired of being married?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes