Petunia Page #2

Lynn, repeat after me.

I am not a victim.

I am not a victim.

Louder.

Huh?

Louder.

I am not a victim.

Oh, my God!

Have you heard of destructive therapy, Lynn?

It's the process of smashing objects

to release stress and anxiety.

- No, I don't...

- You're not a victim, Lynn.

Lynn, Lynn.

Come on. Stand up.

Come on. You can do it.

Just do it.

Just throw it.

Come on, Lynn.

Throw it.

Throw it, Lynn!

Come on, you're not a victim!

Yes!

- Yes.

- Yeah.

How'd that feel?

That felt great.

Oh, no, no, no!

That's my favorite...

Ah, OK, you know what,

it's... yeah.

It's time to go, yeah.

Same time next week, OK?

Just go, all right?

All right, OK.

Hello, everyone.

My name's Bill, and I am a sex addict.

Hi, Bill.

I, uh, just can't get enough

of other people's junk.

On Thursday nights I used to go under

the dick dock in Cape May.

I was a watcher.

Sometimes...

I was a doer.

But enough about me.

This is a safe place.

What we say in this room stays in the room.

So, who would like to start?

I would like to start.

Tony, why don't we give someone else

a chance this week?

OK, but I would like to get

something off my chest.

Go ahead.

Hello, everyone.

My name is Tony, and I am a sex addict.

Hi, Tony.

I have a taste for the classics.

1920s flapper porn, '50s housewives

with straight up vacuums.

Anything that's '60s Danish hardcore.

It's the addiction, Tony.

It's OK.

We've all been there.

Anyone else?

I will.

Ah.

Please, share with us.

Hi. I'm Natasha,

and I am a sex addict.

Hi, Natasha.

I love men, women, sex of all kinds.

Back door.

Front door.

Side door.

Anywhere.

Anytime.

Any place.

With anyone.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Oh, I love you.

Ah.

...Code six.

125 North Vanderbilt, 52.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Whoa!

Seriously?

I wanted to do that.

I can't.

I don't do sex.

Oh, come on.

It's not that hard.

No.

Oh...

It's the outfit.

I can't resist.

You're drunk, huh?

Obvious?

Sorry.

What's that noise?

Is someone in there with you?

I should probably tell you this...

I listen to police scanners

from various US cities.

Overshare.

Are you on the run?

- No.

- Oh.

It's purely for entertainment purposes.

Plus, when they catch a perp,

I look them up on Facebook.

Do you?

You want some back up?

You don't need

Sex Addicts Anonymous, Adrian.

No, that's the perk of

having me for a mother.

Mom, I don't want to talk to you about

my addiction to sex.

It's odd.

It's only odd if you think it's odd.

Shh!

I need a change.

You're getting older, honey.

I'd rather be dead than old.

- Where's the acetone?

- Shh, stop it!

Someone is being rude here, honey.

I'm very sorry.

All right, Ad... Shh!

What you need to do is to

meet a nice, unattractive girl.

Someone with a killer personality?

Yeah, exactly.

- Acetone.

- Shh. Shut up!

I'm sorry, honey.

OK, listen.

Remember.

Nice.

Not attractive.

You can even go plump.

I can handle it.

You're here early.

Hey, Charlie, you got to do me a favor.

I'd love nothing more.

I can't have them in my apartment anymore.

I got more in the cab downstairs.

No offense, but I don't want a bunch

of random vagina chilling in my apartment.

This is art, Charlie.

I am not a storage facility.

Charlie...

I've got this problem.

We all have problems.

No, really.

I think I'm a sex addict.

And I think that's transferring

to a love addict.

Have you been talking to Mom?

It's just now whenever I, um...

Yes.

I say, I love you.

It's like love Tourettes or something.

Wow.

You got to help me get away

from all this vagina, Charlie.

You have been talking to Mom!

Just a little, OK?

All the masterful Picasso's

in the world are gone.

And I get my brother's

acrylic vagina paintings.

Please.

Oh, all right.

Hey, who's in there?

It's George.

George like Vivian's cousin, George?

Yeah, he lives downstairs.

Did you f***ing f*** cousin George?

That is incest.

Technically, it isn't.

You did him?

Of course not!

Is he, uh...

I don't know.

Bring the paintings in.

You can leave them in my fireplace.

It doesn't work anyways.

You better not have bedbugs.

I will kill you.

Really, I mean it.

I should have not gotten anything to eat.

No.

They say coffee cures hangovers,

but it just gives me the shakes.

I don't get hangovers.

I didn't get hangovers until I was 28.

Then your body starts

paying you back for all

the messed up sh*t you did to it.

These eggs are runny.

You don't like runny eggs?

I don't understand eggs.

Oh, I might vomit.

Are you serious?

Don't do it in public.

If you vomit, then I might vomit..

And I would have to

curl up into a ball and die

if that happened.

I should know I can't

drink tequila shooters.

Do you remember coming over last night?

Vaguely.

You were funny.

I remember...

The Golden Girls.

- Designing Women.

- Oh, yeah.

Why are you single, Charlie?

It's like asking why I'm

getting gray hairs at 24.

Just am.

I could never be alone.

Yaah!

Felicia, have you seen my glasses?

Yaah!

I thought I left them on the table, but...

Yaah!

Yaah!

Yaah!

Oh, baby, F*** me.

F*** me right now.

Just throw me down on the ground

and rip off my shirt like I'm a present

at Christmas morning, come on.

Oh, baby.

Oh.

I just can't remember where they are.

I was reading the paper.

No idea?

I want a divorce.

Well, all right.

What country am I in?

Williamsburg.

It's the Amsterdam of New York.

It's fascinating.

White.

Red.

Black.

White.

Red!

It was... interesting?

One of the benefits of writing for a blog.

Quality theater.

You could call it that.

I haven't been out of Manhattan in months.

It's good to get away.

Tracy Hoover was given

the liver of a 9-year-old

accident victim in

a four-hour operation.

Hoover is in critical,

but stable condition -

normal after such an operation.

Her condition is monitored...

This isn't supposed to happen.

What?

This...

This can't happen.

You need to relax.

I know it's weird, but it helps.

Helps you remember you

can't get close to people?

That and other things.

I don't want anything from you

you don't want to give me.

I know.

I'm not going to date rape you.

Date rape is so '90s.

Regular rape is way more now.

Is that so?

Yeah.

I know it sounds strange,

but people are just

raping people now without the courtesy

of blacking them out first.

You're so cutting-edge.

I'm sorry.

I like it.

So, Melinda.

Uh, what do your parents do?

My dad's dead, and my mom works at a bank.

Oh, sorry to hear about your father.

Oh, it's cool.

He died when I was seven.

You know, I specialize

in people who have lost

their parents at an early age.

I'm OK.

He left me his Jag.

It has heated seats.

Melinda is going to fashion design school.

I want to make clothes

for full-figured girls.

Ambition is great.

I mean, if there was no ambition,

there would be no Special Olympics.

It's my calling.

I mean, the full figureds need clothes too.

Do you... Do you like Adrian?

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