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your mom would be here. Where is she?

AA meeting. And then she's meeting

Jennifer for a drink.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

Home movies.

Do you have any home movies

of your mom?

I don't know. She hates being videotaped.

Come on, you have to have something.

He's gonna call any minute.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

-What the hell is that?

-I got a million videotapes around here.

-Hey, Dad.

-Hey, Mandy, just checking in.

What you doing?

ALEXA:
'91, no. '94, no.

Reading 1984.

Yeah, I'm right at the part where

Winston is about to go stark raving mad.

You know, because he can't escape

the relentless, meddling, intrusive gaze

of Big Brother.

Oh, my God. Our first talent show.

Hey, what's that?

ALEXA:
We'll watch it.

There are boys there?

-Guys. Guys.

-Okay. Perfect.

Dad, no. There's no boys here.

And Alexa's mom is

around here somewhere.

Would it be too much trouble

if I asked to see her?

Uh...

All right, Dad.

All right. If you insist.

Kind of. I do. Yeah.

Get out of here! Out! Get out!

-Get out!

-Jeez! Stop!

Mandy, thanks. I'll call back in a half hour.

But the... Yeah.

Okay. Bye.

(LAUGHS)

Wow.

That was seriously insanely stressful.

I cannot believe it worked.

You guys, we can do this.

We can totally punk my dad.

He's only going to call twice an hour.

You think we can pull off

such a radical punk?

Mandy, your rampaging hormones are

making you delusional. Be reasonable.

Drew Patterson's waiting for me,

ergo, tonight's not about

being reasonable.

Lisa.

She scares me.

That vial she wears around her neck,

it's got Marilyn Manson's blood in it.

-Marilyn Manson doesn't have blood.

-CAYENNE:
She's psycho, okay.

Don't go to the dark side, Mandy.

That's just what she wants.

You're right. I'm not gonna get mad.

We're gonna go shopping.

We have to find a seriously wicked outfit.

Should've known trashing

that crappy little rag wouldn't stop her.

She's probably gonna try

and score some killer outfit.

What if she finds something

outrageously cool?

Highly doubtful.

But I'm not taking any chances.

Remember when Four Eyes ate that

macadamia nut cookie in second grade,

and puffed up like a blowfish?

How am I gonna get her

to chow down on it?

Tell her it's free.

Tell her it's orgasmic, whatever.

Just make sure

she puts it into her pie hole.

Are you kidding me?

A $10 Scoopy Yogurt card

just for trying this?

(EXCLAIMS)

This is my lucky day.

It's like a sauna in there.

You know, I feel really bloated.

I mean, nothing is looking good on me.

Mandy...

Your face.

It's alive.

What's happening to you?

Jeez Louise, you guys.

What is the big deal?

Oh, my God. I have butt face.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

It's my dad.

Hey, Dad.

I know you probably want

to see us hard at work.

So here it goes.

Great, girls. Keep up the good work.

I'll call you back.

Bye.

It worked. I'm safe.

(LISA LAUGHING)

Not for long.

Butt face!

(ALL LAUGHING)

-Butt face!

-Butt face.

Crap, this is a nightmare.

Take some of my Lexadril.

I use it for my allergies. It works.

Here.

(KIDS SCREAMING)

MANDY:
It's amazing.

It works, like, right away.

-Are you sure you're okay now?

-I'm fine.

Easy.

Not too much. It makes you sleepy.

Don't be ridiculous, you guys.

I'm not even tired.

There is no way I'm going to fall asleep.

-Mandy!

-Mandy!

Mandy. Here.

Have you seen Mandy?

She's not here.

Your lying skills haven't improved.

We saw her at the makeup counter.

Her face was huge.

Well, if you happen to see her,

tell her we'll miss her tonight.

Come on.

That slut. She can't stop me.

I'm gonna beat her at her own game.

-Mandy.

-Your face is better.

I need to get dry.

The Holy Grail.

Let us take a moment of silence

for the perfect outfit.

I can't believe I just spent two months'

paycheck on 20 ounces of fabric.

I am flat broke.

Why do I feel so fantastic?

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hey, Pop.

Yeah, I bet you're wondering

what we're doing,

and we're still hitting the books.

Let me show you.

Wow, looks like you guys

haven't even moved.

Hello? What's happening?

Well, I'm losing the signal.

Might be on your end or mine.

I'll call you back

on Alexa's landline, all right?

Landline, landline. Plan B.

We've got to get reception.

Now, finding that number.

There we go.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

ALEXA:
Hello?

Hi, Alexa?

Yes.

Yeah, it's Mandy's father. Is Mandy there?

Uh-huh.

Okay, could I speak with her, please?

Uh-huh.

Now. May I speak with her now?

It's her father

calling.

Please hold. I have another call.

Hi. Sorry for putting you on hold,

but it was my dad.

-Yeah.

-I'll get Mandy for you.

Oh, darn, she's in the bathroom.

-Would you like to wait?

-Would I like to wait?

Sure, I'd love to wait.

Come on, give me some bars.

Gosh. Thank you.

(DIALING)

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Hey! What's going on here?

-Nothing.

-Mandy.

Would you mind

showing me that nothing?

Dad, I'm still in the bathroom.

Do you want a play by play?

I'll call you back in two minutes.

Yeah, that's fine. Hello?

Brown leather couch.

-Excuse me, these leather pieces are...

-Okay. Lamp, that one.

-And the room divider.

-I don't have a room divider.

It's not like my dad knows that.

It's either the room divider

or the rest of the furniture store.

Move!

Fifty-two seconds

until hell phone doomsday.

Thank you, always so helpful.

Just sit down. Take your shoes off.

And act natural.

Stuff your face!

BRUCE:
Are you girls part of

some sort of reality show?

Um...

Bruce.

I promise to make a purchase, okay?

All you have to do is sit here,

smile and wave.

Two minutes tops. Thank you.

Everybody settled?

Should I be calling my agent?

No.

No. Okay, just please go with the flow.

And act fatherly and read the paper.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

Yeah. Hi, Mandy. What's going on?

Who's that man?

We're just hanging and...

Dad, don't be rude.

You remember Alexa's step dad?

Gerald.

He's a mortician.

Right. Okay. I'm...

So I'll call you back in a half hour.

Hello, Gerald.

Okay. Bye.

-Oh, my gosh.

-We rock.

Thank you, Bruce!

-Thanks, Bruce.

-Thanks, Brucey.

Hey, whatever you girls are on,

can I have some?

(LAUGHING)

MAN ON PA:
Bruce, please

report to the manager's office.

(LISA LAUGHING)

Cinderella's carriage

turned back into a pumpkin.

She is so smoked.

That'll teach her to mess

with the Alpha Blonde.

Blair, I want you to spy on the schizoid.

-Make sure she's down and out.

-Why me?

Because pretty eyes see better.

-Get out.

-Okay.

MANDY:
No!

MAN:
Don't bother begging or crying.

MANDY:
No, that's my car!

You can pick it up

at the impound in an hour.

What goes in the truck stays in the truck.

It'll be about $300.

Talk about a nail in the coffin.

No. We've got to get the money.

How?

(PLAYING ROCK MUSIC)

Mandy, I feel dizzy.

Like I'm gonna pass out and wake up

in a pool of my own making.

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Look at the crowd. They love it.

SINGER:
Thank you.

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