Ping Pong Summer Page #2

at the bus stop this morning.

It was serious business!

The other guy was pretty good,

but my dad smoked a cigar

while busting a windmill

and that sealed the deal.

Even the bus driver said he won!

It looks like a slaughterhouse.

Are you sure it's safe in there?

Fun Hub's not a

slaughterhouse, Rad.

It's a heaven.

Come on, let's play!

Hey, newbie. What's your name?

Rad. Miracle.

Stacy. Summers.

Sheela. Trix.

Sheela and I were born here,

and we've been friends ever since.

And I don't know where Trix is from.

Somewhere landlocked.

Cool.

All the guys in Maryland

want to hang out with me.

That's pretty cool.

Sometimes.

Um, are you okay?

Totally.

Come on, Rad!

Let's play some ping pong!

I haven't played in a while

so take it easy on me, okay?

Okay.

Whoops.

Well, what do we have over there?

Shht. "Houston, two d*ldos

have snuck into the cabin

and now we're headed

straight for Uranus!"

Come on, let's just keep playing.

Where've you been?

Where you're not.

What's your problem?

Get off me, perv.

Not until you tell me

what your problem is.

I don't have a problem!

Yes, you do.

Step off her!

"Step off her?"

I can step on her

whenever I want, "bro."

Where's your stupid space pants?

He must've left them at the deli,

with the rest of the

bologna and cheese!

What should I do

to this little guy?

Crush his nads off!

This is my table... renter.

Go play that pancake

paddleball somewhere else.

The Fun Hub is for serious

ping pong players,

not dork wannabes.

He's gimungous.

Who are those two jerks?

Lyle Ace and Dale Lyons,

the richest kids in Ocean City.

Are they a couple?

No, they're just friends.

I meant Lyle and Stacy.

Pshh, they might as well be.

What's wrong with her?

You see that Icee cup she's

always got in her hand, Rad?

Well, that's not an

Icee she's drinking.

It's Funk Punch.

What's Funk Punch?

Funk Punch is when you combine an

Icee with Pop Rocks and Pixie Stix

and sometimes even cocaine

and drink it really fast.

She's a Funk Punch junkie.

But she's so fly.

Are we going to see my

dad's big boombox or not?

I thought that's

what we were doing.

Sounds like him

and his girlfriend Amber

are playing board games again.

I try not to bother

them when they do that.

They get so competitive!

Let's just go to the boardwalk

and play Skee-ball.

I can't. I have to go to

dinner again with my family.

"Our son almost torched

his face off with an egg.

Let's buy him a present!"

- Will you just pipe down, missy!

- Those aren't a present.

If I slice my finger

off with a can opener,

will you guys buy me a car?

- How about you don't come to dinner with us?

- Honey.

How about I would rather not?

Why can't I wear what I'm wearing?

You can't wear a

T-shirt and sneakers

to the Paul Revere Smorgasbord!

Don't move.

Aww, that made a right bloody mess.

- Squashed it all over, look at that.

- Hon!

You wouldn't have thought it'd have

so much blood in it, would you?

Girls really dig dorks

who wear church clothes

to the boardwalk.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

What are you playing at?

Go on, get out of here! You

can find your own dinner.

Good!

And be back home by 10:30 or the front

door will be locked until the morning!

Ooh, scary threat!

Brendan!

I had enough!

What is she going to eat?

What was that for?

- Brendan!

- What?

I'm just getting started.

You got to get your money's worth.

What about the vegetables?

I can get vegetables in

our backyard, Kendall.

I've never seen any clam strips

growing in our garden, have you?

Nope!

Nope.

Okay, that's enough, you two.

Ooh. Aah.

Okay, first there's the bass.

And then there's the snare..

So you guys try it.

Hey, check this out!

What is that?

It's a tongue worm!

Okay, I'm going to keep a beat.

What are you even doing?

Hey, Brad.

It's Rad.

Hey, Brad.

Do you want to play

a game of ping pong?

No, really. Just one game.

I heard you're really good.

Let's just go.

This should be close!

Can we not do this right now?

Yes, we can do this right now.

Hey, I have an idea.

Let's not warm up.

Let's just volley.

"P"...

"I"...

"N"...

"G."

Aww, yeah!

My serve.

Hey, I just remembered, me and Rad

have to be somewhere very important!

Shut up, you black sissy.

Ready?

One serving zero.

Two serving zero.

Three serving zero.

Four serving zero.

Yeah!

Zero serving five.

Zero serving six.

Zero serving seven.

Yes, Lyle!

Zero serving eight.

You're really good.

Zero serving nine!

Rad, forget it! Let's just go home!

Play him some other time.

Rad, no!

Would you shut your greasy head up!

Teddy, I'm sorry.

Sorry only counts in church!

Teddy, wait!

Are you done flirting

with your lover now?

You do realize this is game point?

Inseminate him.

Yeah!

Yes, Lyle!

Smells like skunk in here.

What's up?

That was totally bogus.

I know what you need.

Listen, don't pay any

attention to Lyle.

He thinks he, like, owns Ocean City

just because he drives an

IROC and is super rich

and totally hot and

ridiculously talented

at everything he ever does.

That's really yellow.

Cheese makes everything better.

Sugar makes it the best, though.

Shooooooo-gerrrr.

Why do girls date guys like Lyle?

Because they're dumb.

You don't seem dumb to me.

Yeah, well, you don't know me.

Do you "smort" cocaine?

Do I "snort" cocaine?

Yeah.

Why? Who told you that?

I mean, I've heard

some things, but...

Well, you know what's worse

than people who do cocaine?

What?

People who don't do cocaine

but who gossip about people who

might or might not do cocaine!

I have to go to the bathroom.

What's up, space dork?

I heard from a little birdy

that after we left the Fun Hub,

you were eating crab

au gratin with Stacy.

But that couldn't

have been you, right?

I mean, she only

dates white people.

Give it back.

What, this?

I mean, I'm thirsty.

Milk does a body good, right?

It does your body good!

- Stop, Lyle.

- "Stop, Lyle."

You know, you do look

pretty dehydrated.

Awww, gross!

Back off!

No way. The Town

Weirdo is your mom?

Or are you his grandmom?

I think you might

want to leave, buddy.

"Thank you so much for

protecting me, Weird Mommy!"

Thank you.

Put on your khakis.

We're going to your Aunt Peggy

and Uncle Jim's for dinner.

What happened to you, Radford?

Nothing.

I got hot and thirsty.

Do we have to stay long?

Just a while.

They're so creepy.

Why do we always

have to visit them?

Your sister is weird and

her husband is gross.

Hey, Jim!

Ha! Oh, look at that.

The Miracles have la-la-landed.

Let me look at you.

Hey there, sweetheart.

- Hi, Jim.

- Aww, give me a big kiss.

- Oh...

- Mmm.

So beautiful.

Hey there, Miss Vampire.

You need some Vitamin D.

Mmm.

And hey there, sir.

Look at you, you're all grown up.

Maybe not physically, but

you're aging. Right?

You got to let me

in on your secret.

How do you stay looking so young?

I don't know.

Alright, we'll talk

about it, alright?

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