Ping Pong Summer Page #3

- Brendan.

- How are you, Jim?

How are you? Welcome

to the beach, sir.

- Welcome!

- Well, what do you looksie!

Aww, there she is.

Hey, sis.

- Peggy, hi!

- You look great!

Mm-hm.

Aww, Brendan.

Ha-ha! That's a kiss.

Yeah.

Mm!

Uh, what happened to you?

Why, you could use

a blood transfusion.

Good to see you, Michelle!

- That's what I said.

- Mister Man.

- Come on!

- Sweet.

- Crab time.

- Well, let's get some crabs!

Mmm!

When did you catch those crabs?

Yesterday, I emptied

the traps yesterday.

Yesterday?

Yes.

Why aren't you eating any crabs?

I'm a vegetarian.

What?

You're what?

Meat is murder.

I'm never eating

another animal again.

But crabs aren't animals.

Well, then what are they?

They're crabs, right?

- Right. Exactly.

- Right.

So, what have you guys been up to?

We haven't been doing a whole heck of

a lot, to tell you the truth, Peggy.

Isn't that what summer

vacation's all about, right?

- Exactly.

- Yeah.

I hope you guys are sunning

yourselves properly.

Because if you want to get,

you know, full coverage,

you want to position yourself so you

want to get the inside of your thigh

and the back of your leg

at the same time, right?

You don't want any tan lines.

You don't just lay flat.

You got to work it.

That's why I have full coverage.

You are so sexy, sweetheart.

Redford made a new

friend named Teddy

and they've been playing

ping pong every afternoon

at the Fun Hub.

- What?

- What?

They've been doing what?

Playing ping pong.

It's like tennis, only smaller.

I believe the real name

is "table tennis."

Oh, I know what frigging

table tennis is, okay?

What I don't get

is why you play an indoor hobby

when you're at the beach.

What's the matter, Rad?

Ocean not good enough for you?

We've been going to the ocean.

It's just, I don't want

to get too much sun.

There is no such thing

as too much sun.

You just need the right lotion.

- Thank you!

- You're welcome.

This is from my "Horny

Shell" series, right here.

They take some time

to get just right,

but like most great

art, it is worth it.

You actually sell these things?

- Oh, yeah. They do real good up in Rehobeth.

- Huh.

It's still a little wet at the tip.

And you got the short-and-

curlies around the bottom.

You guys really sleep out here?

I do every night.

Peggy, sometimes she joins

me from time to time.

Obviously, you know, the

mattress that we have inside

is for other things.

You know, the moon provides

a complimentary shade

to, you know, your otherwise

natural daytime tanning base.

If you'll notice,

I have a kind of a blue sheen,

that nobody else has. You know.

Don't you get bit by mosquitoes?

Uh-uh.

They can't get in.

Can we go home now?

I don't feel good.

Redford made a new

friend named Teddy.

They've been doing what?

Would you shut your greasy head up!

Sorry only counts in church!

Would you shut your greasy head up!

Is Teddy here?

No.

Do you know where he is?

No.

Do you know when he's

going to be back?

No.

What's up.

I'm really sorry

about the other day.

Sure.

That was the meanest thing

I've ever said to anybody

in my whole entire life.

I didn't mean it.

Your hair is crazy fly.

So, Teddy, where are you from?

Baltimore.

You like it there?

It's as good a place as any.

What's your favorite thing to do

when you're here in Ocean City?

Hang out at Fun Hub.

What's at Fun Hub?

Everything. It's bad!

Well, why would you

go there if it's bad?

Dad, bad means good.

Well, then why wouldn't

you just say good?

You kids try too hard.

What are you doing?

Tongue worm.

Nice and easy.

Okay.

Ahhh.

Close but no cigar.

Don't be such a competitive creep.

Come on, bud, it's your turn.

Hey, Rad.

Hey, Stacy.

Aren't you going to introduce

us to your friends?

Dad, Stacy Summers.

Stacy Summers, Dad.

Hi, Dad.

Bye, Rad.

She's really pretty!

Dad, would you be quiet?

Ahh, you choked.

Alright, this is a one.

Aww, I hate pirates!

It's not his fault.

Come on, Miss Peppy, you're up.

Come on, sweetie.

Michelle.

What in the Sam Hill was that?

Peppy golf.

Why don't you try to have fun?

I'm too cool for fun!

Michelle!

You come back here and

pick this up right now!

Is it time to eat yet?

Whoa! That was like 50 strokes!

Let's try to get to 500!

- Really?

- Yeah, maybe we could get to 500!

Okay, but try to keep it in play.

No, doy.

Sorry.

Alright, ready? Go!

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

- Five.

- Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Thirty-two.

Thirty-three.

- Thirty-four.

- Thirty-five.

- Thirty-six.

- Thirty-seven.

Seventy-five.

Seventy-six.

Seventy-seven.

Seventy-eight. Seventy-nine.

Eighty.

488. 489.

492. 493.

494. 495.

498. 499...

Man, that close.

Don't try it, Pop Tart,

or you'll know what it's like to

be a little white plastic ball.

That was mature.

Oh, I'm mature, alright.

Oh, he's mature.

You know,

you're not as good

as you think you are.

Oh yeah? Well, how

good do I think I am?

I'm way better than you.

I at least know that much.

Okay. Then let's

play again. Saturday.

See who's the best,

once and for all.

Saturday, huh? Why not now?

We were just rallying for hours.

It wouldn't be fair.

Okay. Saturday.

One game. No excuses.

I don't need any excuses.

What did you just do?

I don't know.

You're crazy!

Hey, there you are!

Whoa.

I told you my dad's

boombox was no joke!

He let you borrow that?

Oh, yeah. He lets me

borrow everything.

Look.

What?

She doesn't have a Funk Punch.

She's probably just hiding it.

Hey, you two.

What are you doing?

Uh, nothing much.

Oh hey, this is my cousin, Rhonda.

She's sleeping over tonight.

Hi.

What's your name?

Teddy.

Hello, Teddy.

His real name's Teduardo.

Hey, you guys should come

to H2O with us tonight!

What's that?

It's the new underage dance club.

They should come, right?

Yeah, why not?

You know how to dance, right?

I can rap and I can dance

In a bathing suit

or in long pants

At Fun Hub or in the club

I'll show you skeezers

how it is done!

Dress to impress.

Hey, gang.

Time to take a pose

for a telescope photo

and you can't say no!

And...

Right on!

Rad! Where were you?

- Hey, guys.

- Hey, guy.

Alright, the gang's all here.

Let's go!

"Suicide."

Keep the change.

- So, should we do it?

- What?

Should we do it? Let's dance.

I don't even want

to go home tonight!

Come sit next to me, Rad.

Oh, no.

You're coming with me.

The moon looks def.

I've been wanting

to be alone with you

since I first laid eyes on

your tight bod this afternoon.

I'm going to go pee now.

Have fun!

You can't get away from me.

Get off me, ow!

Where do you think you're going?

Get back here!

Oh.

Have fun with your prude summer!

Where's Teddy?

Being a virgin somewhere.

Where's Stacy?

Dropping yellow.

Huh?

Peeing?

Well, so what do you

want to do now?

I don't know, go home I guess.

Home's no fun.

I guess not.

I could think of a trillion funner

things to do than just going home.

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