Pirates of Tortuga Page #3

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doff their hats to?

I'm not sure I'm the right king

to answer that question.

Ain't kings and ladies

the same wherever you find them?

- That may be true.

- Well?

I been improvin'

my manners some.

Manners are what you wear

on the outside, like clothes.

But thinkin' of other people

before yourself...

tryin' to help them,

that comes from the inside.

Yeah? And what will they be doing to you

while you are tryin' to help them?

Do unto others...

Yeah, I see.

It's supposed

to work both ways.

No, now, look, Meg. You

haven't quite got it right. Look, um...

You give me the fan.

I'll show you.

Now, first of all, when a lady wants

to attract a gentleman's attention...

she must

flip the fan so...

and then walk so.

[Laughs]

Flutter the fan...

and then flutter

the eyelids so.

See? Now you try it, huh?

That's... No, no. Wait a minute.

Look. You haven't got it right.

Just, um, get the, uh,

around this way a bit.

Mm-hmm.

That's it.

Now, we, uh, hold

the fan there. That's it.

Now, uh, flutter it.

There you go.

That's it.

See, you learn so quick,

don't you?

I appreciate all you're

tryin' to learn me, but...

do you have to wrestle

while you show me!

Trade that fan in

for a musket, Pee Wee.

You're in charge

of target practice.

Now!

We shall continue the lesson

on the afterdeck tonight.

Now, my little dove...

we left off our last lesson with

the more intimate steps of the minuet.

Come along, child.

Does this go

with the minuet?

Like fish goes with chips,

sweet child.

The blending

of our inner souls.

Inner souls, my foot!

Lieutenant!

There are some nine-pounders

on the gun deck...

that are more in need

of your attention than this baggage.

No need to be so rough

on the girl, Bart.

I'm running a fighting ship,

not a finishing school!

Aye, aye, sir.

[Whispers] See you

on the afterdeck tonight, pigeon.

When I told you to stay away from

my crew, that meant my officers as well.

- Your jealousy is showing, Captain.

- [Laughing]

That's more like it.

You haven't changed.

I ain't a lady, yet,

but I'm learnin'.

Just what have you

learned so far?

That there is other people

in the world to think of besides myself.

But it's supposed

to work both ways.

Everybody on this ship

has tried to help me but you!

- You ain't learned me nothin'!

- I haven't taught you anything.

That's what I said!

"Taught you."

Not "learned you."

Taught me?

And you'll find a clean change of linen

in my sea chest.

Thanks, Bart.

"Fair lady of the..."

Waves! Waves.

[Laughs]

"We are your devoted... slaves."

Yeah, that's good.

Terrible! No wonder

you're still a bachelor.

- Looking for someone?

- Just seeing to the powder and shot...

- Moonlight inspection, eh?

- Yeah.

And what's the wine for?

Priming the cannon?

[Bagpipes]

[Laughing]

Well, that does it!

Gentlemen, seeing the young lady

has been untrue to us all...

shall we drown

our tears together?

- Right.

- Aye.

Sail, ho!

- Whereaway?

- Off the starboard quarter.!

Big in the belly

and a double row of gunports.

- It's one of Morgan's flotilla!

- At last! We're in luck.

She'll sight us in a minute.

Sail hands aloft!

The rest of you men man your posts

and stay out of sight!

- Pee Wee!

- [Pee Wee] Aye?

- The deck's yours, poet.

- Get those women topside on the double.

Bart, I want you to know

that only for England would I do this.

A Levantine trader.

Seen a lot of'em...

when I was combing

the Mediterranean with Morgan.

Slow and cranky

by the looks of it.

Steerin' like

a mud turtle.

[Chuckles] Take a look at what

she's got for a captain.

Oh, it's plain to see he's

no Siamese fighting fish.

He wouldn't be this far from

home if they weren't loaded to

the gunwales with a rich cargo.

We'll lighten her load.

Cut out the sails!

Hoist up theJolly Roger!

We'll scare the juice out of'em.

[Laughs]

They're closing

under full sail.

Ha, ha, ha, ha

Hee, hee

Bart? Bart?

Bart. Psst.

[Whispering]

Bonnet.

Throw her

in the brig.

What in the flaming

blazes did I do now?

Come along, girls.

Your promenade.

Go! Get... Come on.

Get in there, now.

Let me out! Let me out!

Let me out, you scurvy swine!

Roll out the red carpet.

Oh, it'll be red all right.

Gammel, spill the wind

out of her sails so they can catch us.

Let me out!

Now, stop. Stop in the name

of the king. Stop.

I'm Montbars. The barracuda

of Sir Henry Morgan's flotilla.

- Don't you wave that...

- Surrender your ship,

or we'll scuttle ya.

P-Please have mercy, sir.

Please.

I mean, I'm-I'm just Pee Wee...

A poltroon. You know...

- just a very peaceful man.

- [Laughing]

And-And-And nothing...

This jellyfish looks

soft enough to eat!

Aaah!

L-Look, we have

a very rich cargo.

S-Silks and s-spices and...

[Laughs]

And spices and-and-and...

Perhaps we could make a bargain.

A bargain?

What kind, pip-squeak?

[Laughing]

- What kind ofbargain?

- This kind...

[Swords Clattering]

Are you gonna

open this, pig?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, when you're through

with your practicin',

will you open this blasted door!

[Clattering Continues]

I rolled their cannon

over the side, Bart.

Hated to see 'em go, but

we've no space on our decks.

I've a mind to cut off your ears

as a present for Henry Morgan.

But that's a privilege

he may be wanting for himself.

Now get back

aboard your ship.

You gonna sink us

with all hands?

No. Send you

back to Tortuga.

You have enough canvas left if you

don't run into weather...

and enough food and water

so you don't starve or choke.

Why are you

being so generous?

Take a message to Morgan.

The king of the ocean sends his

compliments to the king ofTortuga.

Tell him I'm selling my cargo

and yours in the market

atJamaica for a fancy price.

Then I'll be back

for another load.

Bonnet! Pipe the barracuda

aboard his ship.

That'll twist Morgan's tail

for him, eh, Bart?

Luck played with us.

But it'll take a lot more than

a masquerade to smash Morgan.

All right, men,

let's clear these decks!

- It looks like a thieves' market.

- [Bonnet] All right. Hop to it, mates.

All right. Out.

Very considerate of you,

Captain.

Just because I've become a lady

don't mean I'm so delicate

you have to lock me up...

every time you hold

target practice.

These men weren't

wounded in practice.

What happened?

We were attacked

by one of Morgan's ships.

- You were protecting me.

- If you'd stop preening

yourself long enough...

so you could see further

than your own reflection in a glass...

maybe you'd make yourself

useful for a change.

I didn't grow up in the streets without

learning how to patch a busted noggin.

That is, if you don't mind

my lending a hand.

I'd be grateful

for the help of a real lady.

It's the Chepillo right enough. Sneaking

home with her tail between her legs.

The barracuda's gonna have

some mighty tall explaining

to do to Morgan, I'm thinking.

[Laughing, Chattering]

Go on! Go!

[Growling]

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