Pitching Tents

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Friday night

I just got back

I had my eyes shut

was dreaming 'bout the past

I thought about you

while the radio played

should of got movin'

some reason I stayed

I started drifting to a

different place

I realized

I was falling of the face of

your world

and there was nothing

left to bring me back

I'm a million miles away

a million miles away

I'm just a million miles away

and there's nothing left

to bring me back today

took a ride

went downtown

the streets were empty

there was no one around

to the place that we used to

know

in all the places we used to go.

Whoa, that's good!

You have outdone yourself.

That is a freakin' masterpiece.

Michelangelo!

Hey Tony,

if you're selling beef,

why did you want a dairy cow?

'Cause tits sell.

Here, here's your pay.

I gave you an extra ten.

Have a great time at trout camp.

Now gimme a little more yellow

in that hat though, huh?

You got it.

Alright, have a good night.

Goodnight Michelangelo!

And there's nothing

to bring me back today

bring me back today

bring me back today

a million miles away

to bring me back today

bring me back today

bring me back to day.

Happy Thursday

to you, let's brighten up

the day with a big smile.

Today for lunch, we're having

Salisbury steak, sweet corn...

out of my way dork!

Oh, what are you going to do?

I saw that Van Dexter, you

little prick.

Your ass is grass.

Your welcome Tim, don't

let it get you down.

I was bullied when I was your

age.

Really?

I've had hair like this

since I was 11 years old.

The older boys used to

paint nipples on my head

and make me dress like a girl.

But you have a bright

future ahead of you son.

That little turd will be lucky

if he can get a job scraping

chewing gum

off the floor of an adult

bookstore.

But if there's one thing

I've learned in life,

and you pay close attention,

avoid home room like the plague.

Look I know why I'm here, okay,

she deserved to be called

a castrating b*tch.

Sometimes these freshman girls,

they...

Warren, that's not why you're

here.

Unfortunately, with the budget

cuts,

there's a chance they may need

to let go

of a guidance counselor next

year.

I'm sure Janet will land on

her feet.

I'm not talking about Janet.

I'm not following.

Warren, you may lose your job.

What?

But I've been here longer.

It's not about seniority

anymore.

The school board is taking a

closer look at job performance.

Part of their evaluation

is based on percentages

of kids that you helped to

get into college this year.

Oh, I am absolutely kicking

ass there.

Well, your numbers have fallen.

With just a few weeks

left in the school year,

Janet is up by one student.

That's impossible, Janet stinks.

That instead of college,

Brian young has decided

to go out to defend our country.

That selfish little prick.

And there's Tommy

brewer, and Vicky Collins.

I got them into Pitt.

They're going to be in

a hospital for a year,

and I have to suffer?

Come on!

It's not me.

It's the numbers.

Well tom, this is my school.

These are my kids.

I mean there has to be something

I can do?

Warren, it's fourth and long,

and you're down by six,

with one minute left.

You have to be Terry Bradshaw,

and throw a hail Mary into the

end zone.

You f***er!

All my hard work to get

you into slippery rock,

and you pull this sh*t

right before school's out.

I hope you know your goddamn

stunt's gonna have me

living in my car and eating cat

food.

After praying with my

parents and my pastor,

I decided it's best if I join

the army.

"I was praying with my parents"

you p*ssy.

Laura, hi.

Congratulations, I hear

miss Phillips father

got that scholarship to

beaver college for shot put.

Lacrosse actually.

The important thing is,

college is not for everyone.

A girl like you, might be better

suited for the peace corps.

The peace corps doesn't ask

you to do annoying things like

wear a bra, shave under your

arms.

Think about it.

Ssh.

Just think.

Although beaver is perfect for

her.

Juvie.

Dropout.

Retard.

Danny Whitaker, not a

complete waste of life.

Frank, hey, Warren mulligan

over here at Grandview,

how goes it?

Good buddy, listen, I'm sorry

about that kid dropping out

last minute, but I got

the perfect replacement.

Waiting list?

At slippery rock?

Can't you just white out that

kid's name,

and put in this new guy?

Alright look frank, I need a

favor.

I gotta get this kid in okay?

I could lose my job for Christ's

sakes.

Am I in trouble or something?

As a matter of fact, every time

I walk into the supermarket

to grab a couple of

yams and some baby oil,

I see one of your murals,

I feel like I'm walking

into the Guggenheim.

Wow, thanks.

Big plans for the weekend?

Um, no, no, not really.

So you're not going to

the woods for trout camp?

Oh, um, you know, I'm not

really sure.

I wouldn't have told my

counselor either.

But I know, that this weekend

you're going

to be in the woods with your

friend,

you're going to get drunk,

you're going to party.

And then you're going to

look for this mysterious

group of girls who swims naked.

Goddess camp?

Here's my advice, don't do it.

Yeah, I understand why it

sounds like a lot of fun.

Before you know it, you're

going to be lost in the woods,

drunk by yourself, dreaming of

a goddess who doesn't exist,

masturbating in a poison Ivy

bush,

and there's nothing more

humiliating

than your mother dabbing

Colamine lotion

onto your grapefruit sized

testicles.

Yeah, I can laugh about it now.

I mean, you guys actually

thought that was real?

It's an urban myth.

You wanna see titties you go

to the oasis on route eight.

Pretend you don't know me.

Seriously Dan, what are

your plans after graduation?

With my friends this summer,

and then look for a job.

What if I get you into college?

College?

I mean, I didn't apply to any.

Doesn't matter.

I got a friend over at slippery

rock

who would love to meet with you

on Monday.

Yeah, I don't think

college is really my thing.

Danny, college is awesome.

It was the best six years of my

life.

I thought I was Henry

Miller for Christ's sake.

I'd sit around naked, smoking in

my dorm,

dreaming about banging Anais

nin.

She was an author, Cuban and

French,

kinda like a cigar made our of

ham.

Doesn't matter, she's dead now.

Point is, she was f***ing hot.

That's real great.

Yeah, it's 1984 Danny.

You're gonna need a college

education

to get any kind of a real job.

Alright, I mean, what

would I even major in?

Who gives a sh*t.

It's a chance to get out of this

town,

and do something with your life.

Here, give this to your parents.

I'm sure they'll agree with me.

They can call me any time of day

or night

with any questions they have.

You're a bright kid.

It's time for you to start

dreaming.

Ah, Bonjour Daniel.

Bonjour mom.

Honey, can we stop with the

French,

we're German and Irish

for crying out loud.

I'm just practicing.

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