Pixels

Cooper, it's opened!

It's open?

Come on!

It's gonna be awesome!

Thank you!

Hey, give me back my quarters, you hoser!

Mom!

Dammit!

What?

I suck.

Gee, Sam.

How are you so good at this?

You've never even played it before.

I don't know.

There's a pattern to how

they are moving watch.

I don't see it,

but you sure as hell do.

Use the force.

Use the force.

Hey, Chewie.

You're a superstar...

...And it's time to show the world.

Attention all contestants.

...the competition will start

in 15 minutes.

You too?

That's so funny.

Really?

I think you're pretty darn foxy yourself.

Lady Lisa, I'll love

until the end of time.

- Who are you talking to?

- Nobody!

We'll talk later.

You're Lamonosoff Ludlow,

the wonder kid, right?

Who told you that,

the government?

Because I'm this close to figuring out

the secret of the Bermuda Triangle.

Wow, you don't have any friends,

do you?

Just my grandmother.

Well wonder kid,

you can hang out with us.

Really?

What's up,

misfits and groupies?

They call me the Fireblaster!

Because my hands are blazing fast...

...and also I will blast all my

competitors weak ass moves.

You must be the local talent.

If this was a fugly contest

I would be in trouble.

At least we didn't make up

our own nicknames, "Fireblaster".

Who cares who came up with it?

It's totally tubular.

Welcome gamers

to the first annual...

...Worldwide Video Arcade Championship!

Tonight we have representatives here

from The Guinness Book of World Records...

...as well as NASA, the National

Aeronautics and Space Administration.

Who will be videotaping

tonight's competition...

...to be included in a compilation of 1982

news events and popular culture.

That videotape will be placed

in a space probe...

...which will be launched by NASA

into our solar system...

...with the hope of connecting to, and

perhaps providing a message for...

...extraterrestrial life,

should it exists.

Oh, it exists.

Ladies and gentleman...!

...Start Your Gaming!

Announcer:
Alright, ladies and gentlemen

what an evening we've had.

Six new US records set.

Three new world records set.

And, as the smoke clears,

right now we have a tie!

259 points for your new

Pac-man World Champion:

The Fireblaster, Eddie Plant!

Well done, Fireblaster!.

And 259 for the new

"Galaga Centipede" Wold Champion...!

...rookie sensation,

Sam Brenner!

Go Sam!

Well gentlemen,

how about we break this tie?

Let's play...

...Donkey Kong!

Good luck, man.

Thanks. You have the patterns down

pretty good for these games.

You're gonna be tough to beat.

You see, the thing about Donkey Kong is,

...the barrels become more random,

possessed almost.

Playing by the patterns

doesn't the trick anymore.

Does it, Brenner?

Congratulations.

On coming in 2nd!

Fireblaster is the world's champ!

The local yokel looked me in the eye,

and blinks!

He's a loser, and you will always

be a loser.

Sam!

Sam, Sam, wait.

Sam, listen...

...you're gonna go to MIT, and invent

something that makes you a millionaire.

...And maybe even marry

Olivia Newton John.

I was actually thinking Samantha Fox.

Nice, but she's no Sheena Easton.

Well...

...there's always Madonna.

How about Scarlett Johansson?

So hot.

Not Halle Berry hot,

but so, so, hot.

And didn't forget Katy Perry.

What are we doing right now?

We're too old. It's gross already.

Plus you're married to a

woman who hates you.

Doesn't hate me, she just don't get it,

you know.

We don't have the free time

to do stuff like we did 10 years ago.

This job is killing me, man.

If I were you...

...maybe half an hour a day

turn off the cell phone.

Shut down the emails, put away

the Reggie bars, and focus on your wife.

Hold on, I want to see this.

...at Joseph Knibb Elementary School to

promote his youth reading initiative.

Here's what happened.

"Mittens jumped on to the table and

knocked over the whole bowl of soup.

The Ms. Pickles said gasp..."

"Gasped."

"And the whole room fell silent.

This was cistat...

This is cast...

Cattastrophic ".

Catastrophic.

I got it sweetheart, okay?

Why did he yell at me?

You're mean!

Leave her alone!

The President can't read.

You gotta learn how to read, buddy.

It's as simple as that.

I was on three hours sleep, alright?

- Your policies hurt the poor!

- Nice to see you!

- You have the blood of innocent children

on your hands!

Thank you, for your support!

- I can't go to college because of you!

- That's a lovely dress!

- You're ruining the country!

- We're all in this together, now.

You've got a rough life, bud.

- Sir?

- Thank you.

But a t least you have a life.

Look Brenner, you're meant for

something more than this.

You need to channel your genius

into something productive.

I mean you were incredible in

video games back in the day.

But that's a useless skill now.

It's like being a great blacksmith.

That hurt, man. That's "cattastrophic"

you said that.

I'm going to get you back for that.

Mr. President, if you take away

all the libraries, sir...

...how will the children

ever learn to read?

Blacksmith, over and out!

Hello. I'm a nerd

from the Nerd Brigade.

Here to nerd out on all your

audio and visual needs.

Do you have to say that every time

you show up at a house?

If I want to get paid, yes.

Isn't that kinda demeaning?

Only if someone brings it up.

- Okay, I won't bring it up then.

- Thanks.

Come on in.

So...

What am I installing?

A new 85 inch, 4K 3D TV.

...PlayStation 4, 7.1

surround sound speakers.

Really? If you guys sell it,

we probably bought it.

Is it your birthday?

No, my parents are getting divorced.

Oh, so it's like 10 birthdays.

Yeah! My dad cheated on my mom with

his 19 year old Pilates instructor.

Her name is "Sinnamon", with an "S"...

...which tells you all you really need

to know about her.

I'd like to hear a little more.

You got any pictures?

I'm kidding.

I'm sorry to hear that.

My mom kinda hates him right now, and...

...she said she's gonna to invent a "Slut

Seeking Missile" to take out "Sinnamon".

Okay Matt, you don't need to tell the

nice installer man our whole life.

Woe!

I'm sorry, woe what?

No, just you... "woe".

Me, woe.

I don't even know what that means.

I mean, just when your son told me...

...that your husband left you

for a 19 year old...

...I guess I thought of you were gonna

be like one of those...

...hot women when we first met

in high school...

...but then let herself go and got a

pot belly and turkey neck with a...

...with a hairy chin."

But, clearly that's not the case.

So...

more like "Woe I should

have brushed my teeth...

...before I left my house this morning".

Or studio apartment if

we're getting real here.

Did you really not brush

your teeth this morning?

No, I did.

I guess I should just start

setting this stuff up right now.

Go get'em.

Colonel Devereux.

You need to see this, sir.

We're under attack.

What the hell is those things?

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