Pixels Page #2

So, you a gamer?

Yeah.

I played when I was your age.

Were you any good?

It was pretty good

at some of the classic games.

Classics like

Halo and Call of Duty?

No. The real classics.

Defender, Pac-Man, Asteroids.

Games you played in a arcade...

...which was a building

outside your house.

You would got there with your friends,

listen to music. Cute girls everywhere.

In ancient times

they called it "socializing".

What are you guys talking about?

Video games.

I'll be right back.

Ms. Van Patten.

All finished up down there.

I need you to sign the work order.

Okay.

Ms. Van Pattern,

are you in the closet?

Yeah.

Not judging,

but what are you doing in the closet?

I'm mostly crying.

A little drinking.

Probably equally

crying and drinking.

Something I do often also.

But why in the closet?

Because I didn't want Matty to see me.

I coming into the closet,

Ms. Van Patten.

I'll opening the door.

Are you alright?

I'm sobbing on the floor of my closet,

drinking Chardonnay in a sippy cup...

...so I guess not.

I'm sorry. I withdraw the question.

Oh, my God.

- You want to talk about it?

- No.

Yeah!

Yeah.

Oh God.

Sir, we're in the midst of an airfield

attack by an unidentified force!

Activate secure rf!

Momma no!

We were high school sweethearts.

The perfect couple.

Do you know he proposed

in a waterfall?

- I mean a fricking waterfall.

- Sweet.

But according to a text I got

20 minutes ago...

...he's marrying a 19 year old

named after a spice.

Not even spelled correctly.

It's just not where I thought I would be

at this point in my life.

Oh God, I hear that.

I was suppose to have a baby

with my ex-wife.

But the doctor who was helping us

make the baby...

...did help us make the baby.

But unfortunately,

I wasn't in the room.

Maybe this really is all for the best.

How do you mean?

You already married the wrong guy.

You got the worst part over with.

True, and you married

the wrong girl.

Maybe it just means we meet

the right person now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Woe!

Are you trying to kiss me?

Absolutely not.

Oh God.

Sorry. I thought we were

having a moment.

We were, a moment.

You seem like a very nice guy.

But I just met you.

Okay? And no offense...

...But I didn't think

my rebound guy is a 210 lb person

...that installs flat screens for a living.

First of all, 208.

And wow, I didn't peg you

as the snobby type.

Snob? Me?

Okay...

I am not a snob.

Okay, let's just say I was a billionaire

and we were out on my giant yacht...

...in the middle of the Mediterranean,

sipping champagne,

and I went in to kiss you.

Would you have kissed me back then?

Hold that thought, snobby.

Big man!

Can you get to the

White House right now?

I'll be there in 15.

While I would love to stick around

and listen to you lie...

about not wanting to make out

with the yacht guy...

...I have to go.

For the record,

I'm an amazing kisser.

All us nerds aregive.

Because we appreciate it more.

You didn't even brush

our teeth this morning.

I ate a Tic Tac!

Too late, sweetheart.

You had your shot and you blew it.

I'm not following you!

Yeah, whatever you say, stalky.

It's over. Deal with it.

Woe, she went from zero to psycho in

3.4 seconds. A new world record.

Hey, Steveo.

There's a crazy woman following me.

I guaranteed she's here to shoot the President.

If I were you,

I would break out the billy club...

and go full throttle on her.

Seriously.

Go right on through,

Lieutenant Colonel.

- Why are you folowing me?

- Oh, God.

I can't believe

they even let you in here.

Right.

Colonel Van Patten, you can go right

into the Situation room.

Yeah, see they need me in

the Situation room.

So have fun doing

whatever you're doing.

Mr. Brenner, President is waiting for

you in the Oval office.

Somebody is more important!

Freddy, can you keep

the riffraff out of here?

Yo, what's up?

Ah, come on.

You couldn't at least changed?

He told me to rush right over.

What's going on man?

Why is it so crazy out there?

Our air force base

in Guam was attacked.

By who?

I'm not sure.

That's what I wanted to ask you.

Come here.

Check this out.

Me?

Yeah you, come here.

Listen to this.

Does that sound familiar to you?

Yeah. Where do I know that from?

- Can you freeze it?

- Yeah, hold on.

Go in tighter.

That can't be real.

Okay, so you're seeing the

same thing I'm seeing?

What kind of mushrooms did that guy

put on our burgers?

- They're ready for you, Mr. President.

- Great.

I've got to explain this to

the National Security Council.

Listen and do me a favor Sam...

Watch that again. See if there's anything

you can find to help us out.

Yeah. I can sit in your chair?

No, you can't,

and everything is recorded.

Okay, I won't, I won't, I won't.

I'm sitting in the chair.

Give me a break.

Mr. President.

We told the press that it was a

advanced weapons test that misfired.

- So there's no mass panic yet.

- Well good.

We will resolve this thing before there's.

Mr. President, someone has

made a major breakthrough...

in drone technology and it wasn't us.

- This has got Moscow's fingerprints on it.

- Nonsense...

It's a Iranian black ops sideshow,

I guarantee it.

I have a theory. I think based on

an analysis of the footage...

Preliminary indications are that

we were attacked by...

...Galaga.

For whom, sir?

Galaga.

Sons of b*tches.

Then let's blow Galaga to hell!

Who's Galaga?

It's an old timey video game 80's kind of

folks like my dad use to play.

Mr. President, no nation on Earth

that has the military technology...

to simply...

pixelate entire buildings.

Except Iran.

Forget Iran! I thinking it's a cutting

edge multinational enterprise.

An NGO, a think tank,

maybe even a corporation.

We're thinking Iran.

When we should be thinking Google.

Let's blow up Google!

Can someone take away grandpa's keys

away before he drives us into a ditch?

- Who is this person?

- The sandwich guy?

This here is my old

arcade game technical...

...adviser, person.

He is Sam Brenner,

he works in the tech sector.

So, Caltech, MIT?

MIT. Yeah.

Mississippi Institute of Technology.

No, not the one you were thinking of.

Anyway... more to the current point.

Mr. Brenner here was

world "Galaga" champion.

He knows everything there's

to know about this game.

So, what is it you, and your

orange shorts barged in to say?

Just the "Galaga" that attacked us...

...doesn't exists anymore.

Hello! You can download "Galaga"

your phone for $ 1.99.

Not this version,

Blue Lagoon.

The "Galaga" that exists now

came out in 1986.

But this is 1982 arcade version.

All those machines,

they recalled them.

They reprogrammed them because there

was glitches in the original code.

You can see by the way the

giant space bugs come swooping in.

Kinda ziggy zaggy.

Ziggy zaggy,

is that the snobby term?

So someone designed these

space bugs after an old...

...out of print version of a video game

from 30 years ago...

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