Pixels Page #3

...nobody would know today?

Does she really get to talk twice?

She's not even at the grown up table.

I'm sorry, is this a

National Security Council meeting...?

...or dorm room drunk party?

Our nation has just been attacked

by an unknown military force.

If this gets out to the press that we are

pinning this on some old video game...!

They would not only mock you in the news,

Mr. President, they'd impeach you!

So I suggest that the man in the orange

shorts leave the room immediately.

And those of us with long pants

and government positions...

...can discuss our options.

Alright, Brenner, do me a favor.

Take off, alright? Appreciate the help.

Goodbye.

Sorry everybody.

Mr. President.

Generals and admirals.

Guys in suits.

Zac Efron.

Gandalf...

...and Harry Potter

in the same room.

Imagine that.

Grandpa, see you around

the nursing home.

Oh ah, the sandwich guy is here.

Fooled you.

Radio:
Pass the shortstop

and to the left field for a single.

We're in the 2nd inning,

whereNWashington lead off with a single.

They're talking about how he's

standing straight over the plate...

...is working out for him. He just drove

that gap in the bat hard.

First pitch being outside

for a ball, 1-0.

And the 1-0...

Brenner!

What's your problem, dude?

What's going on?

Woe! Woe! No, Brenner!

No, Brenner. No! No! No!

It's me! It's me! It's Ludlow!

Lamonsoff Ludlow,

the wonder kid?

Yeah.

How did you get into my van?

I've been in there since you went to

that nice lady's house.

She's cute, by the way.

What?

- What is that?

- This? It's a moisturizer.

Show me what that is.

Chloroform

Chloroform?

Is that what it says?

You were going to drug me?

- Only as a last resort.

- What are you...?

- There's something I had to tell you.

- Why didn't you call me then?

Because the CIA has been

tapping my phones.

Every since I found out

the Zapruder film has been edited.

JFK shot first!

Ludlow, it's you!

Buddy! It's so good to see you!

How are you?

My goodness! Look at you!

- I know.

- Staying in shape!

I'm on a protein diet.

But I'm also doing carbs.

- Good.

- But, seriously, Brenner.

There's something I have to show you.

And let's just say...

...it's a game changer.

You're the first guest I've had here...

...voluntary.

That's a shocker.

If Lady Lisa was real...

...she would have about 17

restraining orders out on you.

Actually, if things were real,

things would play out a little differently.

Want to know how I know that?

"If She Was Real." A book written

and illustrated by Ludlow Laminsoff.

Oh, boy.

You should sell it at

Barnes & Unstable.

- Do you want a copy?

- No.

I have eight others.

Why am I here right now?

Why did you try to roofie me?

Right.

Thank you for reminding me.

Okay.

Follow me.

Earlier today our base in Guam

was attacked by this guy, "Galaga".

How would you know that?

I have a pen pal in Guam.

His name is Baubau.

Baubau was terribly frightened.

So I hacked into the government servers

to assure him everything was okay.

But you know what?

Everything was not okay.

Ludlow! Did you get me some giant

root beer while you were out?

- You remember my grandma, she's ah...

- Sure.

Still a character after all these years.

No, no, Grandma! It's funny...

...I didn't get a chance too because...

What happened? Ah, I remember now.

I'M TRYING TO SAVE THE

WORLD FROM ANNIHILATION!

ARE YOU NUTS?

YOU CRACKER!

Don't yell at me!

So look, I know that sometimes people

think of me as bit of a conspiracy nut.

Right.

But sometimes,

Brenner, sometimes...

...the conspiracies are real.

Have you been playing

"Space Invaders" a lot?

I have.

How did you know that?

Because you invading my space.

Back up.

Brenner, do you remember

when we were children,

and played in that

video game championship?

Of course, buddy.

Do you remember how there was a tape of

the event and all the games we played...?

...That was then put into a capsule

and shot out to the universe...

...looking for extraterrestrial life?

I have reason to believe that some

alien life force found that tape...

...And have send down real life versions

of what they saw...

...to attack us.

I spent a day on 4chan...

...searching for messages from the aliens

to prove my theory.

- And you want to know something?

- Tell me.

I came up absolutely empty.

So then as a distraction me,

I got up...

...and tried to watch an episode of "One

Tree Hill" I recorded on my VCR last night.

I've been binge watching to catch up.

You didn't have cable because...?

Because the government spies on us

through our cable boxes, Brenner.

That's been proven.

And you didn't want them to see you

dancing around for Lady Lisa? I get it.

No that tape was burned

3 months ago. Anyway.

In the middle of the UHF broadcast...

...Something peculiar interrupted

Sophia Bush's sexy shenanigans.

You human freak with the huge...

Inhabitants of earth...

...we are a race

from the planet Volula.

We came to you in these

familiar earth forms...

...to tell you

we've received your vessel.

And in it,

your hostile challenge.

We accept your offer to compete

in winner take all battle.

Gather your bravest warriors

to face our bravest warriors!

The winner takes

the losers planet.

You've already lost the first battle.

And for our victory,

we've picked a trophy.

I'm okay, Momma.

I love you.

That's not the real Madonna!

You will get three lives.

You have two lives left.

Losing both will lead to the

total destruction of your planet.

The next battle

is in 15 hours...

...at coordinates 27-24'-79".

I got lost about half way through.

Why does Madonna want to

take over our planet?

These moron aliens think that the footage

NASA sent up to space...

...of us playing video games in 1982...

...was a declaration of war.

Intergalactic war, Mr. President. Isn't that crazy?

Isn't that unpredictable?

Lud, listen, you helped unscrambled my

Cinemax when we were kids.

I think you can call me Chewie.

What do they mean

by three lives?

- What is that?

- If I may. That's just it.

It's like the video games of old,

Chewie Mr. President.

One quarter, three lives.

This is clearly not a quarter, this is far

more valuable. May I keep this?

- Put it back on the desk.

- Fair enough.

We lost the first one, "Galaga".

Two more losses, and...

It's game over.

Now...

- That's not happening.

- Fair enough.

Assuming that alien Madonna numbers

are latitude and longitude

...then we can safetly assume the next

attack should happen somewhere...

...in Northern

India tonight.

If you can get your guys from the NSA

to clean up the signal...

...then we can pinpoint exactly

where the attack is going to be...

...and maybe even which game

they are going to use to attack us.

I can't authorize

a military response...

...based off a video that looks like it was

made by a couple of high school kids.

You've got to at least warn the people

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