Pixels Page #4

of India something could be coming.

The whole country thinks I'm

a buffoon as it's.

I can't risk it, Brenner.

I just can't!

Don't sweat the whole Taj Mahal thing.

It's probably better to have only

six Wonders of the World now.

You know what, I get it, I screwed up.

It won't happen again.

Shut up.

Good morning,

Mr. President.

What's "Radio Shack Robbie" doing here?

And this other...

...fellow?

Hi.

Ludlow Lamonsoff.

We've actually met before

but you wouldn't remember...

...because it was the back of Brenner's van,

and I was watching through the window.

You smell so nice,

like the Book of Genesis.

Mr. Lamonsoff and Mr. Brenner

have agreed to share...

Their video game expertise

with you and your team.

Happy to do it.

With all due respect sir...

...having civilians with zero security

clearance in this facility...

These civilians have better insight into

our current crisis

...than my entire administration.

I didn't know if I want to do it now.

She's being so mean.

I kinda want to leave.

- If he leaves, I leave. We're a team..

- Okay, stop.

- Is this how it's gonna be?

- You guys knock it off. Lead the way

Of course,

Mr. President.

So, have we made any progress, Colonel?

Enormous progress, sir.

We now understand that the entities that

attacked us are made of energy.

Intelligent Energy.

- Good morning, Colonel.

- Good morning, Michael.

Michael's a robot!

I think maybe the extraterrestrials

took what they saw in the orbiter...

...and recreated the same things

using light energy.

And then sent these light

creatures back at us.

That's why solid matter, bullets, and

missiles, won't harm them.

Can anything harm them?

Maybe.

Cubes we recovered in

Guam are normally pretty feisty.

Look at that!

He didn't like it though.

But they calm down pretty quick

when we hit them with...

...some supercharged light particles.

And the "Slut Seeking Missile"?

I would love to see that.

- Do you have that around here?

- You're so smart.

Yeah, you think so?

Is that how you got into

Mississippi Institute of Technology?

You know, I wish I never went into

that closet with you.

I was very happy

drinking and crying by myself.

I so regret trying to kiss you.

I would kiss the guy in the yacht a hundred

times before I would kiss you.

- Moving on.

- Yeah.

We've began instructing the Navy Seal task

force on the use of prototype weapons.

- What do we train for?

- War!

- Why do we fight?

- To win!

- When do we quit?

- Never!

- What do we train for?

- War!

- Why do we fight?

- To win!

When do we quit?

- Never!

Perhaps you expert advisers would like

to say a word to our CO?

Oh, boy.

Men...

...you have served this nation

with distinction...

...in combat zones in every nook and

cranny of this godforsaken world...

...defeating every enemy

they've thrown at you.

Hi, what's up?

Brenner?

I couldn't get a babysitter.

Oh!

The President...

...has brought in these

two civilian arcaders...

...who we are required to listen to...

...for 120 seconds...

...starting...

- I can't do this.

- You can do this.

- I can't do...

- ...now!

I'm can't do this!

You can't throw up!

We know how to do this, they didn't.

Just act the part.

Hi guys.

How are you? Hey, thank you, General Zod

for that beautiful intro.

Hey fellas.

Good to see you.

Let me introduce myself.

My name is Sam Brenner...

...and this is the wonder kid,

also known as...

YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!

Looks to me, Brenner...

Like someone forgot to send us

the best of the best. Oops!

And instead,

dropped off a bunch of incontinent...!

...ADULT DIAPER WEARING...

...CANDY ASS, CRIES THEM SELF TO SLEEP...

...WOMEN BABY MEN PEOPLE!

What am I looking at right now?

Are you guys soldiers

or cast of Magic Mike?

Are you here to fight

or dance naked?

From now on...

...you maggots, you little girl maggots...

...whatever the hell the form

of female maggot is.

Maginas?

You, magina!

When you magina poop your pants...

...you're gonna be thinking of me!

In your pants!

You know what I mean!

Do you feel me?

Do you feel me, sailor?

You beautiful Nubian man!

You gorgeous specimen

of what God can make!

Do you feel me?

I think you're about to feel him, Lud.

I can't move.

Let me help you.

Hey, come here.

Sorry, don't touch the guy,

sit down.

- Did I do good?

- You did awful.

Sit down.

Sorry about that, everybody.

I know it's weird.

Two buffoons like me and this guy

giving advice to you badasses.

But the truth is,

we've been trained.

Since childhood we have been training

our prefrontal cortex...

...to perform extremely

complex motor feats...

...with eye-hand coordination

unique to a very specific cognitive acuity.

I learned a lot of big words at the

dorm room drug parties.

All of it been meaningless

in all areas of our lives.

But suddenly it might be coming in handy

to saving our planet.

So we hope you guys can forget

about us being civilian morons...

...and let us teach you a few things,

in what little time we have.

I think we might help

you win this thing.

There's only one objective in "Asteroids".

That's to destroy every rock

and every saucer.

You don't want to get hit

by any of these boulders.

That's why I recommend

staying in the middle.

Just because you see a hammer

it doesn't mean "grab it."

You're not going to climb a ladder

with a hammer in your hand.

Good piloting, "Maverick"!

Don't lock on the radar!

It's fine son, it's fine.

You just blew up our entire planet.

Ain't no way Inky's catching up to you!

I want you to focus

mostly on ships.

Every 10,000 points you get

another triangle ship.

That's a good thing.

Damn.

Still the master.

It's just like we were dating.

No distractions, just us.

And cake.

Go, big man. Settle down with

that butterscotch frosting.

What, too much? You know what?

You're not going to like what I do

with the rainbow sprinkles.

- Come on now!

- Will!

I love it!

Here comes the sprinkles monster!

Mr. President?

Yeah, Jennifer.

We've just received an alien transmission

from the "Where's the beef?" lady.

What did she say?

First of all she asked

"where the beef" was.

Then she said the next battle

was on after sundown tomorrow.

51-30'-29' latitude

0-9'-42 longitude...

Where is that?

Go! Go! Go!

Move! Move! Move!

Clear the area!

All of you, quick!

Come on, move it!

I said move it!

- So, what's this then mate?

- I got this. Hi.

We're Americans. Our Navy Seals were

given permission by your government...

To prepare for an

extraterrestrial invasion...

...which be believe will occur at these

coordinates in about 60 minutes.

We're shooting a beer commercial.

Ah, right then.

Break a leg then.

Woe, what was that?

Why did you lie to them?

Trying not to cause

total panic, Yank.

And you...

...I don't want to hear another

word out of you. Alright?

Walking wiener coat.

What's a "wiener coat"?

Madam Prime Minister, I can't thank you

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