Pixels Page #5

enough for your cooperation on this.

Of course, Will.

I trust with the concord of

our powers...!

...We can duff up the jiggery pokery

of these blighters...

...and send them scuffling back

to the fascist fam they came!

I know, right?

Peg on!

I have no idea what she just said.

I just want to touch it.

Easy with those light cannons, gentlemen!

We don't have any backups.

These ray guns gonna work, Van Patten?

We had no way to field test them, sir...

...but our computer models show

a great likelihood of effectiveness.

"Great likelihood"? You're sending my men

into battle with untested ordinances?

I had two days to do things never done

before on this planet, sir.

Just remember who you're talking too,

missy.

Right!

Anybody who doesn't need to be here...

...follow me to the support area!

That means you two,

nipple twisters!

Move it!

Colonel, didn't worry.

They're gonna work.

The US military was attacked,

and what does President Cooper do?

Critics say:
"Nothing".

That's not strictly true,

he made a cake.

I'm the sprinkle monster!

- Put that on pause, Sean.

- Thank you.

Turn it off.

My apologies, Will.

Just wanted to spend some quality time

with the wife.

Oh, I understand.

My husband says we don't spend the

time together like we use to.

So I took him to one of those

"Do it yourself" pottery studios.

He made me a, well: "Sexiest Prime

Minister" coffee mug.

Well. maybe he sees something

that nobody else does, you know?

Anything, Colonel Van Patten?

It's eerily quiet,

Mr. President.

In case it's "Space Invaders"

I just thought of something...

Please return to the support area!

There's a 5 + 1 formation,

alright?

If I need you, we know

where to find you, alright?

Now bugger-off.

Bloody geek.

It's "Centipede".

Okay boys,

do exactly what we talked about!

Kill each centipede

from the head down!

Do not hit him in the middle

or he will split in two!

No, no! Didn't we just say

don't split them in half?

Shoot for the head!

The mushroom things are in the way!

You shoot the mushrooms things

like the game!

Guys, every time he hits a mushroom,

he's gonna change direction!

My God! will you please find

the pattern and anticipate!

I didn't know the patterns!

Sergeant Duff.

12 clock!

What the hell kind of

beer commercial is this?

If I say it's

a beer commercial...

...it's a bloody beer commercial.

Get your bloody ass back here,

Yank!

Shock and awe, baby!

High Score, alien trash!

You messed with the wrong planet!

From Land's End to John O'Groats!

- What the hell are you saying?

- I didn't know!

Hey, Ludlow! Grab a light cannon and

get out here now!

I need your help!

Me, no! Look at me!

I look delicious!

They'll gobble me up

like space "dim sum"!

It's level 2!

We're the only ones

who can do this!

Come on! You're the wonder kid!

You're no authority to dispense

weapons here, Mr. Brenner!

Mr. President?

Let the nerds take over.

What was that, sir?

LET THE NERDS TAKE OVER!

Let the nerds take over!

Brenner's right.

I am the wonder kid.

This is the best time!

I have never been

happier in my life!

Okay, you can let go

of each other now.

Alright, you finish that.

I'll finish this.

It's been 30 years since I kicked your butt

and it's gonna happen again!

Move your arms!

Let's take it forward!

Now take it back!

- Enjoy!

- Hey!

Come back here!

Who are you, mister?

Son, I'm a just a loser who is

good at old video games.

Thank God for that!

Drinks on the US government!

Which is covering up the truth about the

Ancient Pyramid under the Hoover Dam!

You know you're all right,

Brenner.

You're alright too, snobby.

Are you going to nurse that all night long

or when are you going to start hitting it?

We defeat a few malformed belligerents

beer is fine.

If we defeat

a full on space invasion...

...I'm thinking something

a little stronger.

You're really challenging me t

o drink you under the table?

I'm not so sure you can, buddy.

I was the vodka shot holder

in my class at West Point.

One time I drank 15 milk shakes at Dennys.

We'll see what happens.

Where are my gamer guys, huh?

It looks like all that time you wasted when

we were kids is finally paying off.

- Yeah, baby.

- Alright!

Sir, may I affirm that

by pouring you a frosty?

The President can't be seen drinking

during times of crisis.

So nobody look!

Look the other way!

Inhabitants of earth...

...congratulations,

you have won this battle,

Please accept one of our warriors

as a trophy of your victory.

The next challenge

It will not be easy.

The details will sent via

this signal shortly.

Remember, we are still leading

two battles to one.

One more loss for you will mean

the annihilation your world.

Good luck,

and may the best planet win.

You heard them.

Let's get back to work.

We've gotta get you guys ready

for your next battle.

Battle? Us? Huh?

This is like a regular thing now?

Remember when I told you you were

meant for something more in life?

Yeah.

This could be it, buddy.

There's nobody better than you.

Well...

...not at every game.

No no!

Never gonna happen.

Yo know he's right, Brenner.

We didn't even know

Where to find that idiot!

Eddie Plant married

and divorced four times.

Declared bankruptcy

in 1991 and 2004.

In 2005, he was caught hacking

cell phone companies...

...adding one of those fees you see

on your bill every month...

- ...but no one knows what it is.

- What a idiot!

He had about 15 million before he was

convicted and sentence to 20 years in prison.

Guards, get me out of here.

It's that mean Centipede killer!

I hope he don't zap me

with his space gun.

How are you, Eddie?

What's up second place?

Oh, and your sidekick here...

...The "Presi-donut".

I didn't know you could have

an approval rating so "cattastrophic".

- Okay Eddy, here's what we need.

- I know what you need.

You need the Fireblaster.

Who is the Fireblaster?

Me. That's my nickname,

sugarbuns.

Oh yeah, that's right,

the one you made up for yourself.

Yeah, who cares who made it up?

It's totally tubular!

Yeah.

See, this is why I don't think I can have

Brenner on my team.

He's just not really a gamer.

Take out your bag of quarters, pick a game.

I'll destroy you at it.

Oh, I'll pick a game, alright.

- Okay, I'm leaving.

- No no, hey, hey, come on.

Sit down.

Okay, in exchange for helping us...

...I will personally speak to the parole

board about reducing your sentence.

- Pass.

- Pass?

That deal don't work

for Eddie Plant.

If you want the Fireblasters help,

he has some demands.

Demands?

The "Bifocalblaster" is here,

by the way.

I want an island.

Oh, my God.

There are 18,617 named islands that are

part of United States, and its territories.

Not to mention all the countless

unnamed ones...

...like the soon to be called: "Edwahii".

You're not getting an island.

Then I want a full pardon.

I want to get out of here for good.

And after I do, I didn't want

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