Pixels Page #6

to pay no taxes...

...like, forever.

And no sales taxes.

If I want buy some for instance gum...

...I want to flash a card

that says "I saved the world".

I didn't have to pay some sh*t sale taxes

for some gum.

And I want a stealth attack helicopter...

...so I can fly over the

Super Bowl, at my disposal...

...at all times,

so I can fly around.

If the world is still here,

I didn't want deal with traffic no more.

And lastly...

...I want you to set up

a romantic rendezvous...

...between Me, Serena Williams,

and Martha Stewart...

...in the Lincoln Bedroom.

Number 1. You're not getting a helicopter

or any sort of flying or driving vehicle.

Number 2. I'm pretty sure

the Federal government...

...can do without your income taxes,

and be fine.

And Number 3. If you help us

beat these things...

...I think we can get you out of here.

And Martha/Serena sandwich?

Pick one of them,

and we'll set up a coffee.

Serena Williams.

And we are closed.

Hello?

Understand.

It's happening tonight.

Where?

New York City.

Oh, forget about it!

Hello, Big Apple.

The cavalry has arrived.

Thanks for coming.

We saw how you guys

took care of the centipedes.

We hope you can do the same for us.

We hope so, also.

Well, what are we dealing with?

Over here.

Rookie...

...just tell them what you saw.

It was awful.

It was like one of those monster movies,

you know?

But this time...

...the monster was real.

And who was this monster?

Pac-Man.

Pac-Man?

Boom, that's my jam.

Let's get some light cannons,

and blow this sucker back to

whatever planet it came from.

No! Light cannons don't kill Pac-Man.

Those little ghosts do.

Boom! Let's get us some little ghosts.

You want ghosts?

She's got ghosts.

We use the energy force field technology

from the cube...

...to develop four mini generators

for each of the cars. "Ghosts".

We're calling them

"XM950 Attack Modules".

Okay, we're calling them "Mini-ghost"...

because we'll never remember

what you just said.

Why are there four? There's only

three of us. Who is the fourth?

May introduce to you

Professor Toru Iwatani.

The creator of Pac-Man.

Do you speak Japanese?

No.

Sir, what an honor. Thanks for all

the joy you brought to our lives.

Awesome.

Made your game my b*tch!

What is...?

"Bit-cha"?

Don't worry about it,

he's a criminal.

- You alright?

- Yeah.

Okay, assuming they play by the rules

of the game like they did in "Centipide"...

...you guys hit Pac-Man 3 times with

the energy field, you win.

Ludlow's right. You do smell good.

- Good luck.

- Yeah

Gentlemen, I will be sending Pac-Man's

current coordinates to your GPS.

Let's locate and eliminate.

Come on guys.

Pac-Man's a bad guy?

Pac-Man is not bad!

I created him to bring joy

to all people of the world.

They've brainwashed him!

Deep down...

...He's kind, gentle...

...someone you can tell your troubles to,

or grab a hamburger with!

You'll see.

Professor Iwatani,

get back into the car!

Professor Iwatani,

what are you doing?

I will talk to him.

He's my son!

No, that's a bad idea.

Hello...

...my sweet little boy.

Look how big you've grown!

I am so proud of you.

It's so sweet.

He's so sweet.

But all these destructive things

you're doing...

...it's wrong.

I am your father.

I know...

...you're a good boy.

No!

Somebody kill that stupid b*tch!

That was some twisted Pinocchio-Geppetto

stuff right there.

Alright, losers!

Three on one!

Let's hit it!

Pac-Man's, faster

than I remembered!

Pac-Man always been faster

then the ghosts.

We're going to have to

outmaneuver his ass.

Wonder bro, you and

Silver Medal break off!

I'll stay with Big Yellow.

Woe Eddie,

how did you do that so fast?

Because I'm the champ,

Lt.. Long legs.

Nope!

Whats up?

Oh yeah!

Good one, Eddie!

One down!

Two to go!

Okay, Pac-Man number two

just regenerated 4 streets north bound.

Turn east at the next intersection.

Brenner, go straight!

Got it.

Ludlow to the left.

Eddie, at the next intersection,

turn left.

We've got him!

There's no where to go!

Oh, God! No!

"Oh, God, what"?

He ate the power pellet!

Pac man has 10 seconds

where they can eat us!

Why me?

Oh, God, don't eat me! Don't eat me!

Please don't eat me!

Boys! Help!

I'm going to die a virgin!

Why are you doing this to me?

You've been brainwashed!

You're a good boy!

Ludlow, run!

Pump those legs, go!

That a boy, Eddie!

You just got "Fireblasted",

sucker!

What?

How the hell did he

get over there so fast?

Way to go, champ!

Aren't you glad you sprung me,

Second place?

Yeah, trilled.

One more to go

and it's happy hour.

So like, I guess they just leave, me here.

Now It's time for the hat trick.

Wooow!

Brenner, it's on you.

There are still three other

power pellets out there.

So, stay alert.

I've got this.

If I don't...

...the world ends.

I can't let that happen.

Come on, Brenner, come on.

Brenner, he's leading directly into

one of the power pellets!

Get out of there.

One.

What the hell is he doing?

Two.

Dammit Brenner, I have a son

I would like to see grow up!

Three. You'll see your boy grow up!

Four.

Brenner, get out!

He's going to eat you!

Five.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Nine.

Ten.

You did! Brenner!

Way to go, buddy!

There he is!

Fireblaster!

Fireblaster, I love you!

Hey, guys!

Coming through. Going to

one of the heroes, sorry.

Hey.

Check it out.

I think I might have found

our next trophy.

It's Q'bert.

Yeah, I know, I know.

Can I kill it?

No!

Get to know him a little bit,

ask some questions.

Then we'll kill him.

Huh!

- I'm joking. Just put the blanket on him.

- Bye!

Mr. President!

Please, Hal.

Mr. President, your approval ratings have

tripled since this crisis began.

Do you feel the heretofore

sanguine caused data...

...are tracking toward

an auspicious staining moment?

Shut up, Hal.

You're just using big words to

try to make him look like an idiot.

We love you, Mr. President.

Thank you for saving us.

Please didn't thank me.

It's Sam Brenner, and his team that have

brought us to the brink of victory.

And we understand that you're holding

a soiree in their honor.

Is that a good idea when

another attack my be imminent?

No need to worry.

They have their arcada uniforms on

underneath their tuxes...

...ready to go at a moments notice.

And for the record, Hal...

...I happen know what several

of those big words meant.

...I drank a few cold "sanguines"

on my last trip to Mexico.

Bite on that, Hal!

You! You! You!

I didn't know what would be worse.

Them failing...

...or them actually pulling this off.

Wife:
What was that, Jim?

Can you shut up for five seconds?

We need to increase the rate of fire.

You've already calculated that in

your beautiful mind, didn't you?

There's no rhythm

or reason to this game.

Where are the patterns?

You get attacked out of left field.

Patterns? Is that why you were so

good with Pac man and Centipede?

You memorized the patterns?

Rate this script:2.7 / 7 votes