Pixies Page #4

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You made the right choice, my son.

Pixies! Brothers! Sisters!

Prepare yourselves for war!

Mm-hm.

Hmm.

Hey, thank you.

Sorry to keep you waiting,

I had car trouble.

- I thought you didn't drive?

- Gotcha. Come on, let's go inside.

- What's on your tie?

- It's a Kathulu.

- Gesundheit.

- No, no, it's a Kathulu.

It's a cosmic entity that's a mix

of human, dragon and octopus.

Oh, that Kathulu.

- Yeah, he's awesome, right?

- Yeah.

Welcome to the Horn of Plenty,

where food is thy medicine

and medicine is thy food.

My name is Alex and I will be your server.

Please look over our menu.

Well, there's a chipper, young lad.

Oh, yeah, he looks thrilled to be here.

Agh! Are you kidding me!

- What?

- Oh, uh, the menu!

They have, uh... durian.

- Oh, you like durian?

- Sure, yeah, love it.

Uh, just like Mom used to make.

I've, uh... it's a ritual I have.

I use the menu and I slam it shut.

Then I... I work it like a butterfly...

and I get the aroma of the kitchen in.

- Mm.

- Um, I've never heard of that.

Mm.

Oh, wow, you are so right.

I can totally smell the miso.

Look out!

A fig? Are you hungry, sir?

How about I bring you some bread?

Are you... okay?

Yeah, I had a horrible experience

at Christmas once.

Figs were involved... it didn't end well.

Ugh, tell me about it,

the holidays can be pretty traumatic.

This one time, my mom and I were decorating

our tree when my dad came in and, um...

Your bread.

And what will you be having today?

Ooh, I'll have the organic

Portobello sandwich

with a side of vegan soy

and tofu fries, please. Joe?

Uh, I'll have the same.

Does it come with bacon?

- Meat is death.

- Hold the bacon.

- Everything all right, Joe?

- Yup, yup, doing good.

Just keeping an eye out for more figs.

Well, anyway, so we were

decorating our tree, when...

Oh, it's on! Let's do this!

What are you talking about?

Oh, it's on... the animal shelter.

It's on, it's open.

Let's go to the animal shelter.

Oh, that is so incredible,

yes, let's go there right now.

Look, I'll cancel our order and we can

go to my parents for dinner later.

This is getting out of control.

I said stay away!

Don't you just love the smell

of the animal shelter?

Oh, yeah. Love that smell of... wet dog?

If I had it my way, humans would be

locked up and the animals would be free.

- So you're a trouble maker.

- What? No! I'm not a trouble maker.

Ooh! Hold that pose!

Done!

You had that pair of scissors

there the entire time?

A good artist is always prepared.

It made for a great sketch.

What the... How do you... it's amazing!

What's amazing is that you didn't get bit.

Speaking of biting, my parents are having

dinner at 5:
00, if you're still hungry.

Uh, meeting the parents already.

I actually think my mom

will really like you.

My dad, on the other hand,

he's a bit harder to get to know.

Hold that thought.

- Don't you dare!

- Joe, what? What is it?

No, no, no, no! No!

Aw, Joe, that is so sweet. I mean, you can't

stand to see that little puppy in here.

You're saving him from these oppressors!

That was your plan the entire time.

Uh... absolutely! Eh...

Hey, Joe, are you sure

you're cool with this?

I know it's a bit early to be

meeting my parents and all...

Yeah, I'm looking forward to it. Why?

Well, you just seem a bit... distant.

Uh, I'm just picturing how wonderful

your parents must be

if they raised a girl like you.

Let's just head inside, shall we?

Namaste.

Thank you, I think I shall stay.

My word, he's so precious.

Gail, don't scare the boy

before I've had a chance to meet him.

Help me with the tofu,

it's getting unwieldy!

You did fantastic with this one, Michelle.

Not like that last boy

you brought over, with the piercings,

and that loud carbon-emitting

death trap he was driving.

- Gail!

- Coming!

I had to come from somewhere.

You didn't want to warn me first?

All hail King Pixie!

For too long, we have been pushed

to the edges of this world.

We live in the ruins

of the temple that was nature.

The humans continue to force us back

with their growing gluttony

of technology and garbage.

But no more, my Pixie warriors! No more!

Today, we make a stand!

Today we strike back at the very core

of indecency and woe that has

beset our tribes for generations.

Today we will strike down

the auto mechanic known as Joe.

For the glory of Pixies!

He's incredible!

I wish my mom was here to see this.

Max, she's right over there.

- Hey, Max!

- Oh... hi, Mom!

Are you ready for war, Sam? Uh... Sam?

I have a bad feeling about this.

And this is the kitchen,

the stone is from Argentina,

and most of the decor hails from Africa.

- Having trouble keeping up with Mom?

- Who me? I'm good.

Pretty sure the speed walking

wore holes in my shoes, though.

Oh, a Canadian.

Hey, Joe, what do you call

a cow with no legs?

- Oh, Dad, please don't.

- What?

Ground beef! Because the cow is on the...

- I think the boy gets it, dear.

- Okay, okay.

It also wouldn't hurt to have

real beef every once in a while.

That's enough, Captain Cannibal.

Do I look like someone who'd eat people?

I'd never eat a person...

unless you consider

the talking cow a person.

In which case, I might just be

persuaded to give it a try.

I think they like you.

As long as your dad

doesn't toss me on the grill.

Just grab a tray.

Cheap thing won't light.

So what's your deal, Joe?

Oh, I'm an auto mechanic.

I actually just got a promotion.

That's great!

You hear that, Gail? This hard-working

boy just got a promotion.

- This is moving fast, isn't it?

- Oh, so what?

I met your father on a Tuesday

and a week later, we were married in Vegas.

Well, I'm definitely

not ready for marriage.

He's cute, funny,

seems like he's got things together,

and it would be nice

to have grandkids around.

Okay, slow down, Mom!

I just can't get this lighter going!

Here, let me try. Hm...

Hmm.

- That's some bad luck, son.

- Bad luck?

Oh, no!

Okay, girls!

Joe's got the hot stones going.

- What happened to your eyebrows?

- Uh, pyrotechnic mishap.

How in the world did a grease monkey

like you become such a charmer?

Just lucky, I guess.

Huh. Joe, not sure if you've ever done,

hot stones before but dinner takes a while.

What we do to keep things

moving is play a game.

- How about boys versus girls?

- Mom!

Your call, Joe, or are you afraid

of getting crushed by the girls?

Uh, sure, yeah, I'm in.

For William!

Get over...

- Is the game Charades?

- I don't think so.

Then what is he doing?

- He... help.

- Purna Shalabhasana!

- What?

- Full locust.

Mom, what are you talking about?

Is he having a seizure?

No, I think he's stretching.

Looks like Ashtanga yoga.

There's the Shashankasana Pose.

Nice form, Joe.

Garudasana.

Ardha-Kurmasana.

Ardha Matsyendrasana.

Dandayamana Biebhakta Paschimottanasana!

Yeah, I don't know that one.

- Joe, Joe...

- Ow.

- Oh, no! My body shouldn't do this.

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