Planes, Trains and Automobiles

---

Uh...

I got to go.

I got to go.

I got to catch

a plane.

Two hours of staring

at material

to decide to reconvene

after the holidays.

They're selling cosmetics,

not curing cancer.

Why aren't you going

to the airport?

Why bust my ass?

Take the 8:
00 flight with me.

I told Susan

I'd be home by 9:00.

That's you.

I left my gloves

in Brian's office.

I don't need them

to fly home.

Would you pick them up?

I'll get them tomorrow.

Have a good holiday.

See you in Chicago.

You'll never

make the 6:
00.

Ha ha!

Taxi!

Oof!

Cab! Cab!

Sir?

Sir? Sir?

Excuse me.

Could I appeal

to your good nature

and ask you

for your cab?

I don't have a good nature.

Excuse me.

Come on!

Could I offer you $ 10?

I'll take 50.

All right.

Anyone who would

pay $50 for a cab

would certainly pay $ 75.

Not necessarily.

All right, 75.

You're a thief.

Close. I'm an attorney.

Have a happy holiday.

This will help.

Hey! Hey!

Hey!

Hey, that's my cab!

That's my cab!

Pull over! Pull over!

All right. Pull over!

That's my cab!

Pull over, buddy!

You're messing

with the wrong guy!

This is my cab! Out!

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Your attention please.

Your attention please.

Mid-Central flight 909

to Chicago O'hare

has been delayed.

All passengers wishing

further information

please contact

the ticket agent.

When are Grandma and Grandpa

and Grandma

and Grandpa coming?

They'll be here

tomorrow, honey.

Mom?

You think Grandpa Walt

will give me a noogie?

Of course he'll

give you noogies.

It means he loves you.

Why don't I get noogies?

Because you get

Indian burns.

But I prefer noogies.

Keep an eye on your brother.

Hello.

Who is it?

Shh. Where are you?

Who is it?

Shh! It's Daddy.

Flight delay.

When will you be in?

No later than 10:00.

I'll wait up for you.

I know you, don't I?

I'm usually

good with names,

but I've forgotten yours.

You stole my cab.

I've never stolen

anything in my life.

I hailed a cab

on Park Avenue today.

Before I could get in,

you stole it.

You're the guy

who tried to get my cab.

I knew I knew you. Yeah.

You scared the bejesus

out of me.

It was awful easy getting a cab

during rush hour.

Forget it.

I can't forget it.

I am sorry.

I had no idea

that was your cab.

Let me make it

up to you somehow.

How about a hot dog

and a beer?

Uh, no, thanks.

Just a hot dog, then.

I'm picky about what I eat.

Some coffee.

No.

Milk?

No.

Soda? Some tea?

Lifesavers? Slurpee?

Sir, please.

Just let me know. I'm here.

I knew I knew you.

You should have discussed this

with the ticket agent.

I didn't know

he put me in coach.

I'm sorry.

First class is full.

I have a first class ticket.

You have a coach

seat assignment.

Hi, Larry.

Hi, Liz.

Here OK?

Oh, here, there.

Anywhere's fine.

Pardon me.

You'll get a refund

on the difference.

I want a seat

in first class

where I was booked

over a month ago.

I've had

enough of you.

Now take your seat.

You've had enough of me?

First you delay me,

then you bump me.

What happens next?

Is this a coincidence or what?

Have a seat.

I never did

introduce myself.

Del Griffith.

American Light

and Fixture...

Director of sales,

shower curtain ring division.

I sell shower

curtain rings.

Best in the world.

And you are?

Uh, Neal Page.

Neal Page.

Pleased to meet you, Neal Page.

So what do you do

for a living, Neal Page?

Marketing.

Marketing? Super.

Super. Fabulous.

Isn't that nice?

I don't want

to be rude, but...

I'm not much

of a conversationalist.

I'd like to finish

this article.

A friend wrote it, so...

Don't let me stop you.

Last thing I want to be

is an annoying

blabbermouth.

Nothing grinds my gears

worse than

some chowderhead

who can't keep

his trap shut.

Catch me running

off at the mouth,

give me a poke.

Ohh!

Ohh, that feels good.

Oh, God,

I'm telling you.

My dogs are barking today.

Whew!

Ohh!

That feels better.

Six bucks and my right nut

says we're not

landing in Chicago.

Hello.

Hi.

Where are you?

I'm in Wichita.

Wichita, Kansas?

Are you all right?

What happened?

We couldn't land

in Chicago.

I don't understand

what Wichita has to do

with a snowstorm

in Chicago?

What's going on, Neal?

We took off

from New York,

they closed Chicago,

we landed here.

Neal.

Trouble on the home front?

I really don't think that's

any of your concern.

The finest line

a man will walk

is between success at work

and success at home.

I got a motto...

like your work, love your wife.

Well, I'll remember that.

What's the flight situation?

Simple.

No way we'll get out

of here tonight.

We'd have more luck

playing pickup sticks

with our butt cheeks.

We'll find out soon enough.

By the time the airline

cancels this flight,

which they will eventually,

you'd have a better chance finding

a three-legged ballerina

than a hotel room.

I could be stuck here?

I'm saying

you are stuck here.

Ladies and gentlemen,

may I have

your attention, please.

I'm sorry to announce

that we're canceling

flight 909

due to severe weather

in Chicago.

Hi, I was wondering

if you had any rooms

available for tonight?

Anything.

Anything will do.

I'm sorry.

Is there another motel...

Neal.

Hi.

Well?

Welcome to Wichita.

Did you book a room yet?

I, uh, couldn't

get in anywhere.

When we arrived,

you called home.

I called

the Braidwood Inn.

I missed that one.

I got an idea.

I know the manager.

If you pick up

the cab fare,

I'll make sure

you get a room.

Umm...

Yeah. Yeah, sure. Great.

All right.

Grab an end

of this thing, will you?

Thanks a lot.

Is this your trunk?

Yeah. You should try

lugging this thing

around New York City.

# Well,

it takes you up #

# And it

beats you down, yeah #

# It plays around #

# And it spends

your money... ##

Where the hell

is the motel?

Doobie,

is it much farther?

Not much.

Why didn't you

take the interstate?

Your friend

has never been here,

so I figured he'd like

to look around.

There's nothing

on the interstate.

It's the middle

of the night.

I know, but he's

proud of his town.

That's a rare thing

these days.

Take care of the luggage,

will you, Doobie?

OK, Del.

Get off of me.

Stick with me.

Evening, Gus.

Del Griffith,

how the hell are you?

Still a million bucks shy

of being a millionaire.

Gus, meet an old friend.

Neal Page, Gus Mooney.

Glad to meet you, Nick.

I told my friend you'd

give him a room tonight.

Do you have

a major credit card?

Do you still honor those discount

credit cards?

I'll have to charge you

for a double,

but with the discount,

it'll come out even.

We're a pretty good team.

We were on our way

to Chicago,

and the storm

brought us here.

I know.

I must have half your flight here.

Well, I guess you're all fixed,

so, uh, there you are.

Last room in the complex.

You mean sh-share?

Hey, easy on that.

OK.

Hell of a cab ride,

wasn't it?

Yeah, you don't see

cabs like that too often.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote