Play the Game Page #2

Oh, forgive me.

Where are my manners?

Oh, that's...

Oh, no, no, no...

Okay. Cool.

Oh. There.

All right, now,

step two:

the approach.

You have to meet her,

or, more accurately,

you have her meet you.

Planned spontaneity,

Grandpa.

That's the name of the game.

You gotta have her thinking

that she discovered you.

If she knows you're

pursuing her, it's all over.

- Excuse me.

- Oh!

Oh, my God,

I am so sorry.

That jerk-face.

Sure it's childish.

But if you find a woman

drinking club soda,

the shirt

practically cleans itself.

Here, let me buy you

a drink.

- All right.

- Come on.

Step three:

the buildup.

You gotta get her

interested in you.

And that's easy.

You just show her

how smart you are.

You know, I never understood

why this salt thing

takes out stains.

Well, salt is actually

sodium chloride

and the water from the stain

sublimates

the molecule's ionic bonds,

which releases energy

and cleans the stain.

Sometimes you gotta

make stuff up.

But if you

say it with confidence,

it's safe to assume they're not

gonna look it up

to see if you're right.

Sergio, Sergio.

Step four:

the follow-through.

Just in case things don't

go well that night,

always have some

reason to see her again.

David, I almost forgot.

You won a sweet item from

the charity raffle last month.

Congrats.

Thank you, that's great.

It's dinner for two

at Charlie Trotter's.

This is my mom's favorite

restaurant.

She'll be so excited.

Oh, that's so sweet.

Oh, no, it expires

on Sunday

and she's

out of town this weekend.

This sucks.

Hey, you know what...

she can't use 'em, there's no

use letting 'em go to waste.

Would you like to go?

Sure, I'd love to.

Great.

Just take somebody who

appreciates good food.

This move is like

the Jedi mind trick.

"Why don't you

go with me?

They're your certificates."

Well, hey, they're

your certificates.

Why don't you go with me?

And the most important step?

Step five:

the Groucho effect.

Groucho Marx once said,

"I wouldn't

belong to any club

that would have me

as a member."

Well, it was very nice

meeting you, Susan,

and I look

forward to dinner.

Leaving so soon?

If you show interest

in a girl too soon,

if she gets into

the club too easily,

she thinks she can

do better.

You know what?

I promised my girlfriend I

would try and stop by tonight.

Your girlfriend?

But if you make her work

to get into the club,

she thinks she's

lucky to get you.

Why don't you stay for just

one more glass of wine?

You know what?

I'd love to,

but I really shouldn't.

It's extremely difficult

and a bit of a gamble.

But if you have patience

and play the game right,

it pays off.

Come on.

One more glass isn't

gonna kill you, is it?

And when she fills your

wine glass

slightly more than hers,

it means she wants to take

advantage of you.

That's when

you know you've won.

Cheers.

Game over.

Watching you

in action last night,

David, was amazing.

Just amazing.

Rob get you home okay?

Forget about me.

I wanna hear

what happened with you.

Well, let me

put it this way.

Look what I'm wearing.

It's the same clothes

I wore last night.

Well, I'll be glad to pay

for some new clothes

if things are

a little tight.

No, I didn't

change clothes

from last night.

Talk about lazy.

Think, Grandpa.

Think.

Why didn't

I change clothes?

Ohh!

Oh, you devil, you!

All right, all right.

Listen.

Step one:

reconnaissance.

Do you know what kind of

woman you wanna meet?

Yeah, your grandmother.

Let me explain

something to you, David.

I'm not gonna

waste my time

on just anybody.

I have needs,

you see.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hold on.

Needs?

Are you...

are you saying that

you can still...

do the wild thing?

The what thing?

That you're still

able to... perform.

On stage?

In bed.

Oh...

No way.

Are you kidding?

That thing died years

before your grandmother did.

Should have had it amputated

for all the good it does.

So then what

are these needs?

A man needs the real McCoy.

The only thing

that matters.

Beauty?

What, brains?

Companionship.

Have you ever had a companion

in your life, David?

Sure, I've dated

lots of girls.

Oh, horse feathers.

I mean a real

companion.

Mmm, how would I know?

There's only two ways to know

she's your real companion.

You either know it

when you meet her,

or know it

when you lose her.

Your companion is a woman

you care about.

A woman you could

call your best friend.

A woman you could tell

anything to.

A woman whose hand

you really want to hold.

That's the first time we held

hands as man and wife.

We didn't let go for

four hours and 23 minutes.

I timed it.

But eventually

nature called,

and I had to let go.

Your great-grandmother served

fried chicken at the reception

that went through me

like a racecar.

But the point is,

that's what

your grandmother was to me.

The old bearcat.

Companion, huh?

That's what

it's all about.

And that's what I need.

Oh, shoot.

Where are you going?

I'm so... I gotta

get to work, Grandpa.

Dad's gonna kill me.

Well, are you

coming back to help me?

I already taught you

everything you need to know

about meeting women.

You just gotta

do it now.

Will I see you again,

David?

Sure.

When?

I don't know.

Soon, okay?

I'll see you soon.

I don't care

if it's on hold.

Take it off hold...

I got cash.

I want this

flame car today.

Pick up line two.

Abby in the loan department.

Sold another flame car.

Sign it.

How's the profit

on this one?

18%.

David...

you have the gift.

Like that thing you do with

the customer where you say,

"Oh, I'm sorry,

you can't have this car".

I mean, that's beautiful.

It's like you have

a sixth sense

for reading and closing.

How's your grandfather?

Oh, you think

I'm an idiot.

You buy him a place in

a retirement community,

then he ignores you

all this time,

and you come back

with an olive branch?

Even your mother,

God rest her soul,

she wouldn't want you to have

anything to do with him.

All right, thanks

for the advice, Dick.

Like I've told you, David.

When it's just the two

of us here at work,

you can call me Dad.

Okay... Dick.

Okay, bye.

So not only did you blow

"the poker night

with the guys" story,

but your grandfather

told Carrie

all the details

about last night.

Hey, listen.

I have only two joys

in this life.

One is watching you be

the bachelor that I never was,

and the other is being

the pro football quarterback

that I never was.

You realize

how sad that is?

Carrie is freaking out.

And now both

my joys are at risk.

She's not gonna play

football tomorrow.

I'm sorry, man.

No, no,

no need to apologize.

Because, as punishment for

screwing up,

you're gonna sub for

her in tomorrow's game.

Oh, come on.

Yes, you are.

Teams three and ten,

game on!

Okay, guys, let's do this.

James, you got

a scouting report?

The ref called

the wrong team.

We're not even supposed to

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