Pocketful of Miracles Page #3

See these walls? Bulletproof.

In town it's neutral territory, even when

there's a war on. I call it Little Switzerland.

What do the cops call it? They find me

in this town, you can stop the presses.

There's ten vans just like this hauling

real furniture around. Here you're safe.

That picture's ten years old.

Relax, Darcey. Take it easy. Be my guest.

Your guest? Ever occur to you that I could

also be your prisoner? Ever think of that?

Yeah, I gave it a quick think.

Maybe you'd better give a long think

to a guy by the name of Stiff Arm Sam.

He once thought he could hold me too.

Stiff Arm? The guy

that walks around like this?

Yeah, with the blowtorch in the armpits.

That's right.

That's my idea, the blowtorch.

It must've hurt.

It's against the law to carry firearms

in New York, Darcey. Right, Joy Boy?

That's right. Here in New York

you gotta have a permit.

- Nothin', boss.

- Yeah. It's beginnin' to figure.

They tell me you've been operatin'

ten years in this town without a pinch.

Yeah. Luck, Mr Darcey. Pure luck.

I heard about the luck bit.

The thing with the lucky apples.

The wise guys figure

that's two strikes against you.

- Oh?

- Yeah.

They say you gotta buy them lucky apples

off of some little old lady, right?

And if something happens to her...

Could be like Samson

gettin' his first haircut.

Look, Darcey. I got news for you.

You see these apples?

I buy 'em by the crate

at the nearest grocery store.

The wise guys want to believe

these apples bring me luck,

it's two strikes against them.

You know about psychology, huh?

Yeah, I know about... whatever you call it.

It's like your dark glasses. You put those

on, the boys sweat from here to Omaha.

Me? I use apples.

All right. Shall we quit clowning?

I like the way this kid operates, yeah.

Smart boy. Smart dresser, too.

- You like that?

- Oh, yeah. It's rich.

- He likes it.

- Mind if I try that on?

No. Why not? Give him a hand, Junior.

Hold it, Junior.

They say you're a smart operator.

Gotta give you credit. You won the first

round. This is round two comin' up now.

- How does it look?

- Great.

Nice colour, huh?

Round two.

I got maybe eight, ten

top candidates for this job.

All smart, tough, hard-headed guys,

and I can take my pick of any one of 'em.

Now suppose you tell me,

in ten words or less, like a telegram,

why should Steve Darcey give

the New York territory to Dave the Dude?

Go ahead, talk.

- That's a good question. Right, Joy Boy?

- Beautiful.

- Got an answer?

- No.

- Got a question?

- Yeah.

Ask it - in ten words, like a telegram.

Why should Dave the Dude

give New York territory to Darcey?

That's eleven, but...

- Are you his mouthpiece?

- Call me his doormat.

Why don't you lay down and act like one?

Darcey, Joy Boy happens to be my friend,

and all my friends are nine feet tall

and make very bad doormats.

You bootleggers, you were nine feet tall.

All big fish in a little pond, but all of

a sudden all the little ponds are dryin' up.

That's where the king comes in.

I'm makin' me a national syndicate.

I'm gonna push some of you

gaspin' sharks back in the water.

But it's gonna be my water.

It'll cover the whole country.

- Deep water.

- Deep, huh?

How deep? Dames? Dope?

That's a little over my head.

Come on. That's bush league.

We're gonna operate

from presidential suites.

We're gonna elect judges,

contribute to charities, finance operas.

We're gonna be in

the big, profitable business

of catering for all human weaknesses.

- What would be my cut?

- Your cut? The New York territory?

Right down the middle.

If you're the right guy.

He's the only guy.

There's one more little detail. We request

the franchise holders to put up $50,000.

In small bills.

As a token of their good faith.

- Who's driving?

- Herman.

- Herman?

- Yeah.

Take Mr Darcey anywhere he wants to go

while he's in town. He's my guest.

- Drop me off at the nearest goods stop.

- OK, boss.

Wait a minute. You're not interested?

No, not right now.

Because, you see, this is one fish

that isn't jumping into anybody's pond

unless I'm paid $100,000 in cash

as a token of your good faith.

You want the syndicate to pay you?

I'm the lucky one, remember?

All right, boys, let's go. We got

some ponds that need watering real bad.

Oh, if you get an itch for any of those

human weaknesses yourself, just holler.

This is my town, Darcey.

Wait a minute. Like I said, I like your style.

But you know the rules

as good as I do, kid.

The king makes an offer, the king

gets turned down, the king loses face.

On a king that coat looks good.

Wear it.

Sheeh!

That guy is gonna play on my side

or he ain't gonna play at all.

If it was me, I'd warm up the blowtorch.

- Any mail?

- Tomorrow.

Ooh! He uses a blowtorch on people?

What does he do - weld 'em?

King. I don't like that guy.

Be fun to take him apart, huh, Joy Boy?

Be a load of laughs.

All the way up to our funeral.

Scat.

Scat. Scat.

Lying all over my poor baby's picture.

As if it were the only place to sleep.

My... darling...

Louise.

I just love Annie's music.

...the reception...

I gave...

for...

for... Lord... Ferncliffe.

Here's to Lord Ferncliffe.

"You will notice I have increased

your allowance this year."

"It breaks my heart that I have not

been able to see you all these years,

but Dr Michel still insists

an ocean voyage could be fatal."

The old crab.

"Your stepfather thought he might

be able to make the trip this year."

You didn't know you had

a stepfather, did you?

Neither did I.

"The young man you wrote about

sounds perfectly divine."

"I hope he loves you

as much as you love him."

And as much as I love you,

my darling.

Herbie, the boat's in. Did you...

Where's your uniform?

You gin-guzzling witch.

On account of you I got the sack.

- Herbie, you can't get fired.

- Can't, eh?

They caught me putting

your lousy letter in my pocket.

- Where is it?

- What am I gonna tell my old lady?

- Where's my letter?

- I don't know. They took it away from me.

Annie.

Annie! You can't go in there! Annie!

You must be in the wrong place, ma'am.

Pedlars aren't allowed.

I beg your pardon.

Oh, my gracious stars.

I have some mail here. A letter?

From Barcelona, Spain?

- A letter?

- It came for me this morning.

Are you stopping here, my good woman?

No, I'm not.

But I do have a letter here. Please.

- What is your name?

- Mrs E Worthington Manville.

Mrs E Worthington Manville?

Wait here.

Mrs E Worthington Manville.

Good afternoon, Mrs Manville.

Is there anything I can do for you?

There's a letter here for me.

I'd like to get it.

A letter? Addressed

to the Hotel Marberry?

Yes. I told that fella all about it.

Are you sure you're not mistaken,

my dear lady?

No, I'm not mistaken. I've been

getting my letters here for years.

Madam, you're not a guest

of the Marberry, are you?

- Of course not. Any fool could see that.

- Please, there's no necessity for shouting.

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