Podium

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Claude Franois was electrocuted

this afternoon

when changing a lightbulb

in his bathroom.

Claude Franois is emotion.

Claude Franois... is pure poetry!

Doesn't this make you

think of Brassens?

That turd that rhymes balls

with falls?

I lost my balls

In one of my falls.

Even I can do that!

I've been told you're

quite difficult.

Listen, if I were Sardou

I'd punched you in the face.

This interview is over!

And now ladies and gentlemen

the story of the greatest

Claude Franois ever!

My name's Jean Baptiste Cousseau,

But they call me Couscous.

When I started as Claude Franois

it was downhill.

There were too many of us.

Then came Bernard...

and I had to surrender.

I wasn't bad technically.

But I wasn't good with girls.

So I took Michel Polnareff

by the name of "Michel Polnar-G".

Girls prefer him.

He's more enigmatic,

mysterious, and sexy.

I did all of Bernard's

opening act shows.

Those were the days.

Gala after gala, tour after tour.

Simply put we were at the

top for five years

with Les Bernadettes, our dancers.

One day, in Claude Franois'

Moulin in Dannemois...

they auctioned Claude's stuff.

The Bellinda outfit, 50,000.

Going once...

Going twice... sold for 50,000

to the gentleman over there.

Object no. 28.

An exceptional piece: the original

"Le Tlphone Pleure" telephone...

From 1947. Starting at 50,000.

Bernard was always a skinflint.

But when it was about his passion

hothing could stop him.

Bernard bought that phone for

a sum that could've bought a house.

110,000, 120,000...

130,000 for the gentleman.

130.000 going once...

going twice... sold for

130,000 to the gentleman.

It stays in France!

I never intended to buy it.

I was just curious.

But when I saw it

I couldn't resist.

Vro, it's like a fund.

Do you think I'm stupid? 150,000 Francs

for a phone! A fund?

Vro, Bernard's wife, didn't agree.

Her family has had debts for

several generations.

What phone?

- Frdrique Barkoff's.

Who is she?

The sing-along kid from

Le Tlphone Pleure.

Moron.

I'll show you.

It's the phone from the cover!

Vro liked Julien Clerc.

That says enough.

Stupid Couscous...

Julien Clerc...

Might as well listen to Michel Sardou.

So we don't have anything left?

Do we really?

I say we're rich.

It's in Argus!

Vro told Bernard to choose

either Claude Franois or her.

Bernard picked Vro.

They never saw each other again.

5 YEARS LATER

Mr Chambon, if I deny you

that check I want...

How will I feed my children?

I don't want to starve

the little Chambons.

I just want to control your debts.

It's more like a bottomless pit

than a debt.

Here. Look.

Just this month,

not that I care,

you bought 24...

- That's my own problem.

I will spend my money

like I want to!

In this case it's our money,

Mr Chambon.

I was listening.

That he's off to California...

How are you, man?

I want french fries.

Welcome to "Marc et Olivier" real estate.

I'm exhausted.

This is tonight's 7th visit.

We can't even have

dinner uninterrupted.

Do you realise we are the sole

couple in the universe

that lives in a model home?

If you sign we will deliver

in 6 months. Very quickly.

Who are they?

-Nothing, ignore them.

But it's the cheapest rent

in all France, isn't it?

I'm tired of living in a model

home. With a model husband.

Soon we'll move.

Just wait a little longer.

East your fries.

- I'm going back to mom.

Enjoy, Bernard.

And our prices

are very competitive.

A house like this is only

635,000 Euros!

Can we apply for newly weds

support?

Welcome back to the 2nd part...

of this show with a most

extraordinary guest:

Evelyne Thomas.

- Thanks for having me here.

You've come to tell us about

and issue you feel strongly about.

The night of the imitators.

- What exactly is this?

It's the grand finale for all

showbiz star imitators...

with 100,000 Euros of prize

money for the winner.

With this year the long awaited

final of Claude Franois'.

Last year's winner,

a Claude Franois...

will compete again.

- There he is.

No, that's Claude Francis,

the public favourite.

Do you have a favourite artist?

I'm not allowed to, but there

are some that stand out.

There are some real stars

amongst the imitators.

Like Claude David,

last year's winner.

He's doing Cloclo again...

Welcome to "Marc et Olivier" real estate.

Dad, what's an imitator?

And imitator?

What's an imitator? Well...

It's from... it's a Greek God,

Sosiris. Who was someone...

without a personality.

There's a yard for the children,

which is great in summer.

"Marc et Olivier" real estate,

good evening.

Our office is closed at the moment.

Please call back later.

Is this the best Claude Franois

of a generation?

Bernard, it's me. Couscous!

Seen Evelyne Thomas on TV?

Time to get back on stage!

OK, bye.

Say hi to Vro.

I never saw him again!

It's him who calls me at the

bank and at home.

Why are you telling me this?

Where did he get your phone number?

- I don't know.

That guy is crazy... obsessed!

And I have nothing to

do with that any more!

I'm warning you! Don't do

anything stupid!

No. He's a bum

You know what?

He's jealous.

He's jealous of our good fortune.

Of our joy in life.

Are you happy?

Yes you are. Me too.

It makes people jealous.

You scared me!

Are you crazy?

How are you??

-Fine, and you?

It's been so long

- 5 years.

Sully-sur-Loire, 1998.

A kiss?

Three kisses.

Couscous, I have to talk to you.

I have all the outfits...

of all shows by Maritie and

Gilbert Carpentier.

Look:
Carlos, '74, Petula Clark, '78

Michel Fugain, '73.

Feel it. It's wild silk.

Michel Fugain never should've

quit Big Bazaar.

The way he danced with boots

all the way up to his balls.

Lalanne just copied off him.

It's slightly more complicated.

- Sit down.

Want a drink?

-No, listen.

Cheers!

Do you live here?

Seen the rent?

No one tells you anything?

- Nobody knows I exist.

Wnat something to eat?

Seen this masterpiece?

Claude only wore it once,

for Blinda, Februari 11, 1973.

Isn't your Orangina

from Blinda '73?

Listen up, Couscous.

I don't want you to call

me any more.

Not on your couch.

No. Not on the couch,

not at my house.

I don't want to hear about

that night of the imitators.

Seen the poster I found?

From our show in Chaingy?

Listen. I quit.

I have a job now.

A wife and a kid.

It's over for me.

Do you understand?

I'm a working man?

- so?

Never mind. Deal?

It was good to see you.

I'll call you.

It would be nice if we went

out for dinner.

What?

Haven't you got a little bigger?

-No.

It's enough.

By the way, that jacket is

a fake.

Claude never would've worn

glitters...

on top of a Sumatra.

Never.

Vro?

Welcome to "Marc et Olivier" real estate.

Bernard Frdric, customer service.

- Good evening Bernard!

How do you like the banker life?

Who is this?

- It's Claude!

What Claude?

- Claude Franois!

Do you know who's going to

the night of the imitators?

You, Bernard!

Definitely!

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