Podium Page #4

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eyes are larger than his mouth?

You don't know me!

What are you looking at?

Do I have a dragon's tail?

No! Look at your plates then.

Fine, let's start over again.

Bring me the menu "Sleepless Nights".

I want meat like it's raining meat.

And a pile of mash

and gravy.

Tell your chef Bernard Frdric

wantch to set up camp here!

I did Claude Franois all my life,

And now I'm Carlos for a night.

And if I get sick...

I'll be getting sick here.

Understand?

We've been driving alongside

the highway for two hours.

Why not take the highway?

- It's a toll road.

Bernard Frdric will never pay

1 Euro for toll.

I'm a man of principles.

But don't worry sweethearts...

because we're on fire.

Johnny Halliday is playing in

the Stade de France...

but he's just a toy compared to us.

Vanessa, I'm making you captain...

of the Bernadettes tonight.

Wait a minute...

Silence!

- Thanks!

Thank you, Bernard.

Bziers, Maine-sur-Loire, Nevers...

I visited them all in the

Magnolia World Tour 2004...

of Bernard Frdric and his Bernadettes.

Thanks! Thanks everyone!

Thank you, Paris!

Thank you, Paris!

After our triumph in Crystal Palace

I had organised an after party concert...

in Pizzeria Renato, a great pizza place...

to finish our tour with a bang.

Funny, isn't it?

-No.

I was in first gear.

Let me take your suitcase.

Where is it?

- Over there...

Are you sure?

-Yes. Follow me.

Renato, where's the stage

you promised?

You have the entire restaurant...

- We can't perform like this.

We've organised the Miss Calzone

pageant like this for 17 years...

and no one ever complained

and neither will you.

Where is the bathroom?

- Right at the back.

We could try...

and build a stage.

Put a couple of tables together.

Fine.

- And where will we dance?

There's no room.

Alright...

No, no, no.

Listen up Herr Calzone...

Would Johnny Halliday sing

in the Parc des Princes...

Without the fireworks? No!

And so Bernard Frdric

Won't perform in Pizzeria Renato...

without his Bernadettes. OK?

No, we're not leaving. We came

to perform, and we will.

Just tell me if I'm boring you.

May I?

I'm saving my energy.

Fine, but I'd like it if

you could shift into a higher gear.

Yes indeed, it may seem slow.

but that's what it is.

I'm on the tempo of Mal Aim...

about to do Blinda!

Right after that to

Si J'Avais Un Marteau.

Mama!

Are you alright, dear?

I'm sorry.

Why didn't dad pick me up?

Recently Lavilliers was

looking for trouble.

We fought...

with the old salami.

Where is he? Out of my way!

- Why? Don't bother.

Vro! You alright?

You won't believe it.

We were practicing...

OK I'm having an affair.

And now?

You're not going to b*tch

about that, are you?

All stars have mistresses.

Bill Clinton? a mistress.

Mick Jagger? a mistress.

Napoleon... mistress.

Even Claude.

- Fool!

You're so short sighted.

What did you want? A simple life

and a faithful husband?

You deserve better than this, honey.

Vro! Wait!

Vro, wait! Let me explain!

Vro, I don't care about her!

Wait! It doesn't mean anything,

just a quick f***!

The day of the trials arrived.

Bernard was ready...

Well, almost.

Listen, Claude...

Could you do something for me?

Bernard deserves his success.

Looking at the competition...

He worked very hard, day and night.

And we hope they will forget

about your yy period.

It wasn't your best.

Sorry.

The best couple Claude Franois of France

were invited to The Moulin.

Cheb Cloco, Claude David,

Jean-Claude Franois,

Claude Jean-Franois,

Claudus, Claudine,

Claude Rmy, Trash Cloclo!

Why did you do that?

You're over.

Finished!

What's the problem?

Am I out because I tripped?

Is that it!

So what? You think Cloclo

never fell?

That he had hydraulic heels?

Only the cold Cloclo's never fall.

Those disco dorks,

Pencil lickers, you.

Paper and a pencil in your hands!

What do I care?

Look, I'm naked!

Do I need a Cloclo-diploma

to entertain you?

No. I deserve better.

Because it's not the pencil

lickers that made me...

but the audience.

And my audience is here tonight.

Claude made my life better...

and together with my audience

I'm making his life better.

The rest is all bullshit.

Here. Keep it.

He's right!

Stop already.

He wasn't allowed to get up.

But he did.

Maybe you didn't push

him hard enough.

If I didn't... Like you said...

maybe that's because I

didn't like it.

Are you in love?

- Oh shut up.

Listen.

5 years I've been the best Cloclo.

And he's going to take that away

from me because of you.

I think you betrayed me.

Dirty b*tch.

Dirty b*tch?

And you think you're Cloclo.

You look like Patrick Juvet.

Loser!

On the one side you're refusing

valid checks.

On the other side

you're giving credit to

a certain Mr Cousseau whose

papers are invalid since 1986.

A homeless guy. And you give him...

maximum credit.

Which he broke, by the way.

Is this the money you pay

your unpaid holidays with?

But boss...

I'm on the verge of a breakthrough.

No, wait...

I swear that if I make it...

the bank can make a profit

out of it.

I'll show you.

Imagine it's fixed.

Are you opening a salon?

I've been selected for the Gala

of Imitators by Evelyne Thomas.

What do I care?

Let me give you an imitation

of Evelyne Thomas.

But boss, if I win...

I assure you I'll return

every cent.

Start right now by paying

me with your last paycheck.

Thank you, Mr Frdric.

I think we're done.

Wait.

Who are you talking to?

Do you know who Bernard Frdric is?

Bernard Frdric, 5 employees,

80 calls per week,

30 fan letters a day.

Bernard Frdric,

2 liters of sweat each show.

Bernard Frdric, three fainting

women each tour.

Over 12,000 km each year...

and 19 buttons.

That's Bernard Frdric!

It's a giant add up.

A fighting machine.

Keep the jacket,

I won't need it any more.

Welcome to "Marc et Olivier" real estate.

- It's me.

Vro, it's me!

This is not funny!

It goes away

and it will (not) be back.

Enough.

Hi. We're here for

Sbastiens anniversary.

Dad!

I'll get Vro.

Happy birthday, champion.

Hello.

What is it?

Open it.

Mama, look. Cool!

I'll go get a CD.

It's a CD player.

Why didn't you answer my calls?

Don't you know?

Are you seeing someone else?

- No.

Is it the bald guy?

-Nee.

Do I have to kick his ass?

- Forget it.

I'm making you laugh.

Why are playing with my feet?

I'm asking you to forgive me.

I'll make us coffee.

-Wait. I want to come.

Sbastien.

I have a surprise for you.

Music you like.

- Not now.

Ready?

Is it mama?

Tell her:
"Mama,

it's for you"

You're that Mr from the other day.

I'll get her.

She's taking a bath.

And I don't know if she can come

to the phone.

Please tell her

tell her that it's important.

And that I'll wait.

Did you upset mama?

She's always waving her arms...

And tell me softly:

"pretend I'm not around"

Tell me how you're doing.

Do you study your lessons

every night?

Yes. But mama works so the

woman nextdoor takes me to school.

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