Police Academy 3: Back in Training Page #2

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Honey, stop it right now! I'm serious!

I don't care.

I wanna go to the police academy.

Listen to reason, will you? Listen to me

right now. You are not gonna...

- What are you doing?

- I want you off this car now!

I just waxed this car.

You'll get me into so much trouble.

This is a city street,

not a drag strip, thank you.

If you don't like it, you go around me!

With volume on the New York

Stock Exchange as of this hour...

at 56 million shares in moderate trading,

with the Dow Jones up 4 points at 1507.

The dollar is showing renewed strength

against foreign currency...

gaining 10 percent against the pound...

on rumors of the Fed's

dropping interest rates.

The uncertainty of interest rates

is affecting the bond market.

Trading has been cautious

and will remain...

This is not Le Mans!

Porter. Redcap.

That's right.

Could you help me with these, please?

That's right. Come on over here.

Thank you. That'll be fine, thank you.

Porter.

Please, sit down. Please.

Um, uh, um...

Zip your lips, slap your butts to the seat

and listen hard!

That's a lot better.

Let me be the first to welcome you

to the fabulous Midcity Police Academy.

We're about to begin

an incredible 14-week adventure in living.

I'm one of your hosts,

Sgt. Carey Mahoney.

And as you exit the bus,

please form a double line.

And march them!

Who did that?

Say, man, this place is crazy.

Suckers always making me dance

and stuff.

What kind of place is this?

I don't look like I'm gonna make it.

You'll make it just fine. Keep dancing.

Hmm. Good.

Good, tall. Good.

Good, strong.

Excuse me.

And who might you be?

Tomoko Nogata, of Tachikawa Nogatas.

"And is this your lovely wife?"

- Proctor.

- Yes, sir.

- What's the story here with Fu Manchu?

- Fu Manchu.

I don't have a Fu Manchu.

I'm talking about the stir-fried shrimp

from out of town!

He's with the Tachikawa Highway Patrol...

part of an international exchange

program, here to study our methods.

I'm not teaching my cadets

how to use a wok!

You ship him off to Lassard's.

He'll fit in perfectly over there.

He could use a good sushi chef.

- No offense, eh?

- Arigato, thank you.

Kiss my what?

Excuse me, sir.

- Ma'am! I'm a ma'am!

- I'm sorry.

Those guns make it difficult to tell.

- Are you an instructor?

- Affirmative.

Are you a new recruit?

- Yes, I...

- She certainly is. But she's terribly shy.

Stand up straight, Sarah.

And don't babble.

What will the instructor think?

- Now, just pay attention...

- Stifle it!

Don't worry, Sarah.

When we're finished with you...

you'll have nerves of steel,

ice in your veins...

and a set of brass balls this big.

No favoritism here, Eugene.

Bud, here, he fouls up,

you give him a good whack.

- Ha-ha-ha. Gotcha!

- That was a good one. Pretty sneaky.

Caught me off guard.

You take care of yourself, son.

And pay attention to Eugene.

I'm proud of you.

You're gonna make one hell of a cop.

Thanks, Dad.

Would you give this to Mom for me?

Ha, ha. Don't forget to buckle up.

That was a good one.

Sorry!

Boy, my dad and I have

a terrific relationship.

Does anybody know how to shut

this thing off? It's driving me nuts!

Thanks.

Okay, that's $700.

- Plus tip.

- Here you go.

Hey. Hey, Wait a minute. What is this?

What do you think you're giving me here?

What, are you kidding?

I don't take any money

with pictures of tuna fish on it.

Come on, American money.

Let's go. $700, that's what you owe me.

Wait a minute. Excuse me.

What's going on here?

- Not enough. He owes me $700, plus tip.

- $700 for a cab ride?

- Where did you catch this cab, Yokohama?

- Yokohama.

Excuse me. I'm Officer Carey Mahoney.

May I be of some assistance?

- Yes. This guy is trying to rip off this guy.

- "Rip off."

- Read the meter. The meter don't lie.

- ls this true? And who's your barber?

Look, wise guy,

don't think a blue uniform scares me.

- No, sir, this is not a scary uniform.

- No, it's not a scary uniform.

- Hightower!

- That's a scary uniform.

This man just said something

about your mother.

He also charged this guy $700

for a cab ride.

- A rip-off.

- Meters don't lie. Read the meter.

They don't lie. They never lie.

Meters don't lie.

This meter lied. It's a lying meter.

- Fair price.

- And tip.

- What's your name, son?

- Nogata.

- Nogata? New recruit?

- Yes.

- Right over there.

- Thank you. Okay.

- Thanks, Hightower.

- Okay, babe.

Excuse me.

That sordid little scene

must have been trying on you, Miss...

Karen Adams.

You're Karen Adams?

You're kidding. Aah, we're roomies!

I'll help you settle in.

You'll take your clothes off...

- we'll shower, get close...

- I'm sorry.

I'm not here to get hit on by every guy

who looks cute in a blue uniform.

I want to be a policewoman.

You will be!

We'll get together. We'll talk! I hope.

Oh.

Well, Mahoney,

I see you still have very good taste.

Ha, ha. Thank you.

Nice bike!

Where do you put the batteries?

Ha-ha-ha.

Get out of my way!

That didn't hurt!

Hi, was I going too fast?

Where do I go to register?

- Let's go. Kirkland, 46!

- Yeah, all right.

- Fackler, where do you think you're going?

- With him.

- Women downstairs!

- Damn!

Move it! Let's go. Come on now, girls!

- Move it.

- All right, Sweetchuck, let's go.

- Aah!

- Hey!

Oh, hi.

- What's your problem?

- He's the problem. He's an animal.

Get used to it. He's your roommate.

- Aah! Roommate?

- Zed's reformed. He's on our side now.

Yeah. I used to be a real jerk,

but now I'm a people guy.

It's tough to be a truck driver cowgirl

You're awake!

What kind of music do you like?

You like salsa? You like reggae?

Something with that love beat?

This is a song I wrote, off my first album.

And it goes something like this.

When I was a baby I had no head

I couldn't get a job, I couldn't go to bed

It was originally a love ballad,

but I kind of spruced it up.

No, I don't take requests.

All right, clowns...

I want you to police this entire area

from here to the parade ground.

I want you to pick up every cigarette butt,

every scrap of paper, every weed.

Now, we're gonna be watching

from my window.

So if I see these flashlights stop moving,

you're both in big trouble.

Big trouble. Now, get to work.

Let's go, Chad.

- Mr. Zed.

- No school.

- Mr. Zed.

- What?

- Are you sure this is gonna work?

- Of course it's gonna work.

It's working.

Hup, two, three, four.

As you can see, sir,

I have instant access over all my cadets...

and all of the instructors.

Attention! Give me 20 pushups, now!

There's no escaping the camera's eye, sir.

As you could see,

I can monitor the gym, the classrooms...

The Rocky & Bullwinkle Show?

Oh. Good! This is the episode

where Natasha and Boris have Rocky...

It's an old one, though.

I've seen it. Rerun.

We have a few bugs

to be worked out, sir...

but I'm sure

you'll tell the evaluation committee...

about the wonderful work

we're doing in...

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