Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol Page #2

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-They got away?

-I did the best I could, sir.

-It wasn't enough, was it, Copeland?

-No, sir.

-I'll handle these punks personally.

-Yes, sir.

-I want three patrol cars...

dissecting the neighborhood.

Copeland, my hat!

-Yes, sir.

-You, radio-alert all motorcycle units.

I want a chopper in the air.

Spot these boys on the ground.

Proctor, ride with me.

-Now, Proctor, move it!

-Coming, sir.

Be right there!

There they go!

Back it up. Quiet!

I said quiet, d*ckhead.

We've got them now.

I know they came in here.

Unit 6 to Capt. Harris.

We've got them at the end of the alley.

I got you now!

You hold them right there. We're coming.

Copeland, have you got them?

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

I'm Carey Mahoney of the Police Academy.

Thank you. Thank you very much.

Please. Thank you. You're too kind.

It's Harris. Haul ass. Go.

I got you, you little punks.

Freeze, you little hoodlums.

Get your hands off my ass, Proctor.

Get away, Proctor.

No. Don't shake the fence.

Oh, sh*t. No!

The purpose of this program...

is to develop a better working relationship

between us, the police...

When he says, "Okay, boys and girls,"

we're all gonna....

...and you, the community.

Stop! Stop right there!

You see, the great thing is, this is a first.

The Police Academy has offered to train

you citizens to better protect yourselves.

-You'll be trendsetters.

-Do we get to pack heat?

Heat--

Stop those little punks! Stop them!

You're under arrest!

Are you all right?

Who's laughing now, you little twits?

And your clothes make me want to puke.

I'll tell you that right now.

-Capt. Harris!

-Well, well, Mahoney.

-It's been a long time, sir.

-So it has.

Well, Motormouth Jones.

Anyone ever tell you

you've got a great tailor, sir?

I mentioned that just last week.

Has anyone told you, Mahoney,

that you're still a little pissant?

-No one whose opinion matters, sir.

-What did Arnie and Kyle do?

You know those clowns?

I should have figured.

Your little pals wrecked a police car,

destroyed a shopping mall...

harassed citizens, resisted arrest.

Go easy, Captain. They're just wacky kids.

We'll see how those wacky kids

like it in jail.

In all my years on the bench,

I have seen all sorts of public disorder.

Young people must learn to conform...

to the standards and laws

of civilized society.

In reviewing the testimony

and taking into account...

your disregard

for public and private property...

I can reach only one decision:

Guilty as hell.

You flushed me down the toilet!

Before you pass sentence--

They're gonna send me to jail,

and some fat, hairy guy is gonna--

-May I approach the bench, Your Honor?

-Yes, Sergeant.

Sir, do we want to expose these boys,

these children to a prison environment?

-Yes.

-May I run my own court, Captain?

-You've got a better idea?

-Yes, I do, sir.

Comdt. Lassard has initiated

a new community relations program.

Why not assign these kids...

to that program

as a form of alternate sentencing?

-That's ridiculous!

-I'll be the judge of that.

I.... Excuse me.

I like the sound of this

community relations gig.

Milt Butterworth,

defender of the common man.

Your Honor, look at this list of complaints.

And I quote you directly, sir, when I say--

Gee, sir, I thought you only got

contempt of court for opening your mouth.

Mahoney, I'm warning you.

You keep Lassard's C.O.Ps

out of my precinct.

You don't understand

what I'm trying to do.

I understand

exactly what you're trying to do.

Just keep them out,

especially these two little buttwads.

Excuse me, sir,

but you're not planning to attack us...

with any more of your bodily functions,

are you?

You just make sure

that we never meet again. Ever.

You know, with those two idiots

in Lassard's program, it'll never work.

Excuse me, sir.

We're looking for a Mrs. Feldman.

-Do you know her?

-Yes.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Do you know a Mrs. Lois--

-Where can we find Lois Feldman, please?

-There.

Thank you.

Mrs. Feldman?

-Who's asking?

-Police.

Is it about those damn library books?

We're following up on your alleged

interest in the Citizens On Patrol program.

Then I'm Mrs. Feldman. Come on in.

Callahan, cover your rear.

I admire your taste.

Yes, well, I do all my own decorating.

You have a talent for it, ma'am.

I'll be with you in a moment, Sarge.

Perhaps you'd like to discuss

the program first, ma'am.

What's to discuss?

Think I want to hang out here

and listen to arteries hardening?

Where did I put that bulletproof vest?

All right, fall in! Come on, please, line up.

Come on, I need a lineup here.

Hello, ma'am. Ladies and gentlemen--

-Thank you, Miss....

-Mrs. Feldman.

I want to welcome all of you

to the Academy.

You are part of a new

and exciting program that I call...

-C.O.P.

-C.O.P.

-Citizens On Patrol.

-Citizens On Patrol.

-Citizens On Patrol!

-Citizens On Patrol!

You will work and train with the police.

The police will work and train with you.

Working and training,

training and working.

Excuse me, Commandant.

But do you expect the community

to do the job of the police force?

There are many, many jobs

for many, many people.

Sir, I'll take care of this.

Excuse me, young lady,

what the Commandant means...

is that this program

will promote understanding...

between the community and the police...

and make the community

more active in crime prevention.

Active in crime prevention?

Won't that be dangerous?

No. We just want to teach citizens...

to prevent crimes from taking place.

It sounds fine in theory.

Let's hope it works in practice.

I like him. He's a really nice fish.

He looks a little like you.

I will attend

an international police seminar in London.

It would be

the crowning achievement of my career...

if I could close this seminar...

by bringing instructors

from all around the world...

here to watch

the C.O.P. program in action.

I'm counting on all of you

to make that possible.

In Comdt. Lassard's absence...

I've appointed a very able-bodied

and experienced officer...

to run the Academy.

Perfect timing. Here he is now.

Attention!

Two weeks of Harris? Damn!

Damn.

Deodorant? Thanks.

Straighten this mess up.

-What mess?

-Now!

I want all of you dirtbags

and that group of C.O.P. people...

out in front of this dormitory

at 1400 hours.

Move it!

Sir, we were just commenting

on how you'd mellowed.

-Captain?

-What is it, Mahoney?

I hope you're gonna

give this program a fair chance.

This program, Mahoney,

is just like you: a bad idea.

That's your opinion, sir.

But this is Comdt. Lassard's idea,

and his Academy.

Things can change, Mahoney.

Yes, things can change.

I'll see you out front.

I bet that was refreshing, sir.

Over the next two weeks...

you'll go through

a modified training program.

You'll learn many, many keys

to crime prevention.

Keys you can teach many, many others

in your community.

Modified? Modified nothing.

I want the works.

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