Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol Page #3

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-Yeah.

-Madam...

I think it's time for a dose of reality.

You can forget Lassard's hype.

You people do not belong here.

Especially you and you.

Community action groups mean one thing,

and one thing only.

I hope that wasn't gum.

You heard the Captain. Is it?

It's definitely gum, sir. Bubble gum.

Cherry, I think.

-Thank you, Proctor.

-You're welcome, sir.

These groups only mean

citizens getting in the way of the police.

Now, I don't get involved

in your business...

and I don't want you involved in my--

Now, if you were smart...

you would go home

and forget this stupid idea....

Are those wedding bells I hear, sir?

-Whose damn mutt is this?

-It's my damn mutt.

I want him out of here!

-But, sir--

-Out!

I am not getting rid of Clarence.

He's my pet.

Why should you?

After all, Harris has Proctor.

I'll take him.

I have a big house, nice yard.

See, he likes me. We'll get along fine.

Me, too? I'm housebroken.

Come on, C.O.Ps,

let's step up to the white line!

Let's line ourselves up with a slot,

then let's listen to Mr. Jones.

Thank you, Sgt. Tackleberry.

This is a standard police issue.38.

Examine this weapon carefully.

You must be sure

this weapon is not loaded.

You will be responsible for the loading

and unloading of this weapon yourself.

Now, Sgt. Tackleberry.

You want to become one with the gun.

Feel the gun, caress the gun...

until it's a living, breathing, vibrating...

extension of yourself.

I look for the same in a woman.

This sucker's not loaded.

You won't be using live ammo.

Tack, how about letting me squeeze off

a few rounds of that baby?

Tack?

Affirmative, Mrs. F.

Now, be careful

because a.44 magnum has quite a...

kick.

Damn, that was fun!

Rescuing the drowning victim.

Now, when approaching

a potentially dangerous...

and out-of-control victim,

use this stroke only.

Arms out of the way for protection.

Now, when you get the victim in control,

you slip your arm across his chest...

under his opposite arm.

Rest his head and his neck

against your shoulder.

Kick with your feet.

Now, your victim could be struggling.

Struggle, House. Good, House....

House!

Really swift! I'll get him!

Arnie, get out of the pool! You just ate!

Get him out of here!

Thanks, pal.

Now we have an opportunity

to start our water safety lesson.

I will play the drowning victim.

Now, who's going to save me?

-Yeah!

-Yeah!

That was mighty brave. I admire that.

That was nothing.

You don't have a hair dryer,

or perhaps some mousse?

No. Your hair looks nice. It's very stylish.

Moi?

Stylish?

I think I'd better be going.

Mickey!

He's dead! He killed him!

-I'm sure the Academy will pay for it.

-What about the sentimental value?

This is a family heirloom here.

This is the last thing I ever stole

before joining the Academy.

What the hell is this? Cadets in heat?

No. We were just, like, talking.

Just, like, talk somewhere else.

This is not a spawning pool.

I want discipline.

Do I make myself clear, Zed?

Discipline!

-Jerk.

-What?

He said bye.

No. I said jerk. I think it was pretty clear.

-I said, "Jerk."

-Jerk.

Cadets, I'd now like to discuss with you...

something that will be

vital for you to know...

when you're, like, out there on the job

as a police officer.

And that's the correct way

to eat a doughnut.

-A doughnut--

-Attention!

Capt. Harris.

From this moment on, anyone

who misplaces their canister of Mace...

will be reprimanded and fined.

-Is that clear?

-Yes, sir!

Bye.

As Citizens On Patrol...

endurance and longevity

should be very important to you.

Aerobic activity will keep you in shape...

and keep that heart rate up.

Music, however,

makes it a little less painful.

Hooks, cassette.

I have confidence that Sgt. Hooks

has chosen the appropriate music.

No cassette.

Let's go.

Nice selection, Hooks. All right.

Slow walk. Slow start.

Keep your arms moving. That's good.

Into a nice slow jog. Okay!

Arms moving. Keep breathing.

Don't forget to breathe.

Tuck his tummy, Hooks. Attagirl. Let's go.

Now, this whistle can be very valuable...

when walking through

a bad neighborhood.

If your purse gets snatched,

blow this whistle...

to alert your neighbors and the police

so they can help.

Now, Mrs. Feldman,

would you play the victim?

-Yes.

-Okay, and I'll be Mr. Purse Snatcher.

-Okay.

-Go.

Any questions?

Now, practice.

You had him for, like, a minute.

He was scared. He was, like, flinching.

His face went....

Sorry.

Citizens On Patrol. What a joke.

-You know what C.O.P. really stands for?

-No, sir. What?

-Collection Of Pissants. That's not funny.

-No, sir.

This citizen-action crap is a disaster,

a bad idea, and I'm going to prove it.

Yes, sir.

Excuse me, everyone.

I mean, not everyone.

Attention! Excuse me. Move it!

-Everybody, come over here!

-Hooks.

Stop embarrassing the Police Department

and join your civilian buddies.

May I have your attention, please?

Hooks, the tank!

-I'm so sorry.

-You dimwit!

Today, Hooks, today.

Now, take your little munchkin voice

and go away.

Listen up!

This is the proper procedure

for administering oxygen.

You place the mask securely

about the face of the patient...

and then have them breathe deeply.

Now, that is the way it's done

in Capt. Harris' precinct.

What the hell? Hooks!

So you gentlemen think

you're on a vacation?

You're no better than anyone else,

so let's go, let's get to work.

Come on, dudes, chill out.

You dudes are setting a bad example.

Can't hear you, bro. Can't you see

I'm getting my beauty sleep?

I'm sorry.

Move it!

You sure told them.

Did you ever think about

maybe getting some contact lenses...

or something, like, you know?

You'd look good in them.

Proctor, this is an alley.

I know, sir, but these are the directions

Mahoney gave me.

-Mahoney?

-Yes, sir.

He says this restaurant

has the best salad bar in town.

It damn sure better have.

-Proctor.

-Yes, sir?

I don't see a salad bar.

Look, maybe they serve seafood.

That's not funny, you idiot.

What are you looking at, you peckerhead?

Nice uniform.

Makes me wish I'd worn my sailor outfit.

I'm getting out of here. Move it!

I don't think cutting in is allowed, sir.

Nice collar.

Here we go again. Next round.

Mahoney weaving his way through...

looking pretty good.

Gets past the main defense.

And, under the leg!

Nice shot!

That man is a hot dog.

The crowd's gone wild!

The ball's brought in.

Here we go. We have the play going.

Throws to Zed.

A little bit of a steal there.

Mahoney throws a pass to Hightower.

And then Hightower he....

The Doctor of Dunk scores!

You killed it. Really swift!

Some community action.

Ladies and gentlemen,

it's Lt. Proctor, a ghetto favorite!

Thank you very much.

I'm honored to be--

You know,

Capt. Harris isn't gonna like this...

goofing off.

-Come on. This is community relations.

-No, Mahoney.

I'm an expert in goofing off,

and this is goofing off.

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