Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol Page #4

---

And I'm gonna have to tell him.

-I have an urge to break him in half.

-Why fight it?

No, Hightower. Take it easy, big guy.

The creep's not worth it.

-You through in there?

-Sure, go ahead.

Thanks.

Excuse me, Silvio?

I wonder if you can help me.

I need some help over here.

-Right there.

-No problem.

Hold your horses, I'll be out in a minute!

Okay, like, bring it in.

Just, like, bring it in a hair.

Watch out for the plane!

Oh, the humanity!

Okay, that's perfect. No, that's fine.

-Metro police.

-Special assignment.

Ladies and gentlemen...

please rise for our national anthem.

-Read that part about me again, Arnie.

-What part?

You know, the part about

the dynamic leader of the C.O.P.

Get real! That's me they're talking about.

Good evening, gentlemen.

I congratulate you on another good day.

Sleep well.

Count, getting worried

we're gonna be taking over soon?

We're ready.

You're improving, guys. But you're still

way down in the food chain.

As we vampires say, "Lights out, suckers."

This C.O.P. bit is a breeze.

-We are ready.

-I concur.

I think we're ready to bust

some truly major criminals.

Maybe we should go out and find some....

-Maybe we should become vigilantes.

-Yeah, that's it. Vigilantes.

Wake up, men! We need you. Now!

Come on.

-What's going on? Where are we going?

-Why are we here? What's happening?

You're here because you're ready.

You said you were ready.

-One thing l--

-You're ready, now.

Could you be a little more specific

concerning our current mission?

-We're apprehending two known felons.

-I'll be going home now.

-Where are the rest?

-What rest? We're it.

-We'll flush them out of the building.

-You stay behind, cut them off in the alley.

Stay.

What about guns and sh*t, man?

Guns? No, you won't be needing them.

We're pretty sure they're not armed.

They can handle this without us.

We'll just get in the way, you know.

Good thinking.

We got them, men!

It's all right, men. Come on over.

All right, you three

will be riding in the back with Badula...

and his late brother.

You guys keep him subdued.

Let's go.

Don't let his voodoo

mumbo jumbo scare you.

Fools. To think

they can kill the brother of Badula.

I never thought that.

That I could reach into the belly of a yak

and rip out his heart.

That would bring him back to life?

No, man. I'm hungry.

Listen, we're going for some burgers

and fries. We'll be right back.

Out of my way!

I guess they weren't as ready

as they thought they were.

You can take the mask off now, Tack.

-Proctor.

-Yes, sir?

-Who are all these people?

-They're here for the party, sir.

What party?

A few of the Citizens On Patrol members

invited a few of their friends...

and they invited a few of their friends.

You know how it goes, sir.

-A party?

-Yes, sir.

A party? Why wasn't I told?

Hey, Callahan. Hey, Hooks.

Attention, ladies and gentlemen!

Ladies and gentlemen,

can I please have your attention?

I'd like to thank you all for coming!

Let's party!

-Move those patooties.

-Excuse me.

All police officers out of the pool!

Let's go! Out, everybody out!

Sir, why don't you just

let everyone enjoy themselves?

Why don't you just

kiss my rosy red ass, Mahoney?

Rosy?

Get out of that pool now!

Just look at yourself.

You are a disgrace to the uniform!

Go get changed. Move it.

-What are we looking for?

-This.

-Why, Capt. Harris.

-Miss Mattson.

-Hello.

-How are you?

Have you seen Clarence?

Don't you let that fleabag near me.

Clarence is crazy about you, Captain.

Let me just call him over.

-No.

-For a second?

-No.

-Okay. Bye.

Wipe those grins off your faces,

buttbreaths! Dismissed!

Dr. Berman, please pick up line two.

Dr. Berman, line two, please.

-You shouldn't be in here.

-How is Capt. Harris?

-We'll do all we can.

-Please, be gentle.

I heard what Harris said, and he's wrong.

It happens to me all the time.

People just don't understand me.

Maybe if you talked a little slower,

a little softer....

That's not what I meant. I meant

people don't know who I really am.

Now I got to worry about my diction, too?

-How's my sentence structure?

-Perfect.

In fact, I think you're just about perfect.

I think I'm going to puke.

Hi, sir. How are you feeling?

I have to wait

for the damn glue to wear off.

I didn't catch that.

Was that, "the dim shoot to snare off"?

I said I have to wait

for the damn glue to wear off.

So I asked her,

"Do you always work under podiums?"

Commandant?

Why, Chief Hurst,

this is a splendid, splendid surprise!

You remember Nogata?

He's part of our Japanese contingent.

This is Chief Hurst.

We have heard many, many

wonderful things about you and your city.

I've been helping them with their English.

-Please, sit. Please.

-Thank you.

I hope you'll find the time

to see our beautiful city firsthand.

In fact, I've just flown here personally...

to extend the Mayor's invitation...

to see my....

To see Comdt. Lassard's

community program in action.

We are convinced

that this program will serve...

as a model for cities around the world.

We would be honored

to accept your invitation.

-Wonderful.

-Please, come.

-Auf Wiedersehen.

-Arrivederci.

Bonsoir.

I see you've been teaching them

something other than English.

I do what I can.

-So my program is really, really working?

-Hell, yes.

Starting tomorrow,

C.O.Ps will be working the streets.

C.O.P. emergency. Feldman here.

Meet me at the corner of

Clark and Main Street at the warehouse.

10-4, Mrs. F.

-$40, we're agreed?

-Okay, $40.

Snap off a few shots for evidence.

Get closer.

I saw this on Hill Street Blues.

It's a fencing operation.

You're gonna love these.

We just unloaded a van full of them.

Okay, bring in the rest of it.

Next case.

Nice camera.

Don't let that crook give you less than $80.

Freeze, you scuzzbuckets!

This is a citizen's arrest. Get them, boys!

You're not moving till the cops get here.

I am the cops, lady.

Three months' work

out the window, down the drain.

Your Citizens On Patrol just screwed up...

the single biggest

undercover police sting operation...

in the history of this city!

Tell them the good news, sir.

-Thank you, Proctor.

-You're welcome, sir.

As of now,

the C.O.P. program is suspended...

pending a full investigation.

Attention!

Mahoney, I'm so, so proud

of the job you've done.

Nice work, men.

The eyes of the world are on this program.

Excuse me, sir. I think we should talk.

This precinct must deal with

every type of criminal...

from pickpockets to armed robbers,

felons of all kinds--

Capt. Harris. Excuse me.

Don't forget the gang of ninjas.

They're my personal favorites.

Why don't you go pay them a visit?

This precinct is run on discipline

and organization.

Simon says, "Pull your left ear."

Simon says, "Hop on your left foot."

Come on, guys.

Simon says, "Hop on your right foot."

It's a little too noisy in here, gentlemen.

We have important

police officials visiting...

Rate this script:4.0 / 3 votes